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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25249129">Shattered Pieces</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/XWingKC/pseuds/XWingKC'>XWingKC</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stargate SG-1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Torture, Triggers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 05:13:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>63,393</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25249129</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/XWingKC/pseuds/XWingKC</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>This is not a feel-good story in the beginning. This is about shattering trust and trying to rebuild a life afterwards. There's tons of triggers in here. Heed the ratings and warnings. There is rape in here, more than one description of it. But even after, there's signs of second chances and healing. It's a long road, though. It's hard to read, and was incredibly hard to write. </p><p>This has turned into a story about hope and overcoming. Chapters get more hopeful as more are written. But this is dark and won't be everyone's cup of tea or coffee. Thank you for everyone who has taken time to read and comment. It's nice to know I'm handling this as well as could be expected.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Samantha "Sam" Carter/Jack O'Neill</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>122</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>97</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was late. It was dark. The fire could still be heard outside the tent. Teal’c was on watch, and probably kelnor’eeming. Daniel was presumably in his tent across the way. The tents were far enough apart that if she did make a sound, chances are no one would hear her. </p><p>He was leaning half way over her body. She writhed as his mouth sucked and licked her neck, and his hand moved slowly down to her heat. She was wet and she was ready. She was completely naked. Her hips moved and begged for his fingers to fuck her. His mouth attacked her nipple and his thumb found her nub. He stopped only to take his pants and boxers off. He immediately claimed her mouth and put his hand right back where it was.</p><p>Her nails dug into the skin along his back and shoulder. She was urging him to climb on top of her, but he wasn’t budging.</p><p>“This is all about you tonight,” he whispered in her ear. </p><p>His finger entered her. She sat up a little at the sensation coursing through her body, just enough that her breast fed directly into his mouth. He laid her back down, suckled to her, and another finger entered her. She couldn’t help the noise she released, and it made him leave her breast to cover her mouth with his. </p><p>“Come for me, Sam. I want to feel you wrap around my fingers,” he said softly in her mouth. </p><p>He curled his fingers up inside her, and continued massaging her clit with his thumb. His mouth bit and licked the spot on her neck that makes her insane with desire every time he does it. Her hips moved as his fingers moved in and out of her. Her back arched into the air, her head rolled back, extending her neck into the air as well. She silently shattered apart on his hand. He didn’t stop. He rubbed his cock against her hip as she came. He made her body flex in convulsions as he kept the pressure on her clit. She was holding a breath she didn’t know she was holding.</p><p>“Just breathe. Breathe and let it flow over you. That’s right,” he whispered into her ear, holding her by her heat. </p><p>As her body gave up the last few waves of passion, she grabbed the wrist of the hand that was inside of her, and this time pulled it up and over her body, inviting him to mount her. He rolled on top of her and licked her off of his fingers. He kissed her wildly, and did not wait another minute. He thrust into her, and ate the sounds she made as her insides were still not ready for the much wanted and needed invasion of his cock.</p><p>He steadied himself as he felt the last of her orgasm massage his length. He dropped his head to her neck and kissed it as he began to move in and out of her. </p><p>“I love you,” he whispered.</p><p>His thrusts became fast and hard. He knew she liked it that way, and he knew he couldn’t be any other way right now. He needed her. He needed to mark her. He needed to be one with her. He kissed her again as his core became a knot needing to be undone. She pulled her knees up and held them open with her hands. The new angle of her hips was more than he could handle. </p><p>It did not take him long after she grabbed her knees. With one last thrust, he exploded into her, and put his mouth on her neck to keep his voice from being released. He gave her a few more slow thrusts before settling deep within her. She likes him to stay on top and inside of her for a few minutes after they finish. He needs the quiet time settled deep within her too. </p><p>He was dripping wet with sweat, and so was she. His cum and her juices were coming out of her as he became flaccid once more and fell out of her. As soon as he rolled off of her, he grabbed her the ass wipes they always had with them. They both cleaned up the best they could.  </p><p>They put their clothes back on and laid back down on their sleeping bags facing each other. He put his hand in hers and intertwined their fingers. He kissed the back of her hand. She touched his lips with her index finger. </p><p>“I love you, too,” she whispered.</p><p>It was fast. It was intense. It was them. They went back to sleep for three more hours before they had to get up and return to Earth the next day.</p><p>…</p><p>They woke up to Sam’s alarm going off. She whined in feigned agony that they had to get up. Sometime during the night, their bodies had shifted, and Jack was behind Sam, spooning her. He kissed the back of her neck and they both got up and went out of the tent to have breakfast with Teal’c and Daniel.</p><p>“Hey guys,” Sam said.</p><p>“MajorCarter, O’Neill, I trust you had a good night?” Teal’c asked. Sam swore he grinned at her.</p><p>“Um, ya, Teal’c. It was good,” she hesitantly replied.</p><p>Daniel walked back into the camp, most likely having just gone to take a piss.</p><p>“Jesus Christ, you two. Seriously?” Daniel exclaimed.</p><p>“That bad?” Jack said with a smirk on his face. Sam blushed.</p><p>“Coffee is made,” Daniel said. “I love you two like family. But for fuck sake, either go far enough away, or save it until we get home.”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Sam said quietly with her eyes on the ground.</p><p>Jack caressed her back before getting coffee. </p><p>“Daniel, I’m sorry. You’re right,” Jack said. “It was my fault. I’ll pack everything up if you and T want to go back to the cave you guys found before we have to go back.”</p><p>“Look, I’m happy for you guys. I really am. There’s just some things in our friendship that I really don’t need to hear. I’m sorry I yelled,” Daniel replied. </p><p>Sam looked at Daniel and gave him half a smile. He smiled back at her.</p><p>“OK, I do want to go back to that cave. If I’m right, there’s a mix of Ancient and Egyptian on those walls.”</p><p>“Alright, you have four hours. Then back here pronto, then we go,” Jack said.</p><p>Daniel and Teal’c went off spelunking again. Daniel was thinking there was a connection between the Ancients and the Egyptians on Earth. He had no idea what he was looking at, but he wanted to catalog it all. They seemed to have the time and the safety of an abandoned planet. This planet didn’t look to have had a Goa’uld on it in centuries according to the caves.</p><p>Sam and Jack began breaking down the campsite. </p><p>“Sir, I’m really sorry. I should have kept my clothes on. This was all my fault,” Sam said.</p><p>“Carter, I’d have been down your pants anyways. It’s been a few weeks, and the way you were looking at me during dinner last night? No way you were going untouched last night,” he said with a twinkle in his eyes.</p><p>“Thank you, sir.”</p><p>“Anytime Carter, anytime.”</p><p>The next thing Jack saw was Sam being hit with a Zat blast. After that, he saw blackness.</p><p>…</p><p>Three hours later, Daniel and Teal’c walked back to the campsite. It was still mostly set up. They did not see Jack or Sam. They both figured they were off having sex again. Then they saw a Jaffa walking in the bushes beyond one of the tents. Teal’c raised his staff weapon and fired. The Jaffa never even knew they were there. </p><p>They walked over to the Jaffa and saw he was dead. Teal’c rolled him over and looked at the tattoo.</p><p>“Morrigan. She is near,” Teal’c said. Now on alert, Teal’c started walking around looking for more Jaffa. Daniel went through the camp looking for any signs of Jack or Sam. He found one of Sam’s boots. The rest of the camp was pretty much all in order.</p><p>“DanielJackson we must call the SGC,” Teal’c said urgently.</p><p>“Ya, T, I think you are right. I’ll dial, you cover.”</p><p>Daniel went to dial up the Stargate. He entered his IDC and turned the MALP on. After the wormhole stabilized, Daniel walked to the MALP’s video camera to talk to the SGC.</p><p>“This is Daniel Jackson. We need reinforcements. Jack and Sam are missing and we have one dead Jaffa in our camp. It’s Morrigan. We found one of Sam’s boots, but no signs of either one of them.”</p><p>“Dr. Jackson we will send in a Marine force or two and a search and rescue team. How long have they been missing?” General Hammond asked.</p><p>“At least three hours. No clue if they are still here or have been transported to a ship.”</p><p>“OK, stand by for reinforcements. Take cover and you two be on guard. Hammond out.”</p><p>...</p><p>Jack woke up being dragged by Jaffa. His hands were tied behind him. He saw Sam was slung over the shoulders of another Jaffa. Her wrists were also tied together. They were carrying them to god knows where. At least he was with her. </p><p>“What the fuck is going on?” Jack yelled.</p><p>“You are being taken to your queen.”</p><p>“I don’t have a queen. I live in the United States,” he quipped back.</p><p>Jack had no idea how much time had passed, or how far they had been taken. He kept trying to move his head to see the tattoo on the Jaffa. But so far, he had not been able to see one. They were ringed up into an Al’kesh.</p><p>“Ah, crap,” Jack said.</p><p>…</p><p>The SGC teams spent two days searching the immediate area for clues about where Sam and Jack had gone. They decided to fly in a UAV on the second day. It searched for structures and scanned for ships. They had no way of knowing if ships were in orbit. The UAV had a limited range for communicating back through the Stargate. Nothing was found. So they turned on the UAV recorders and set it on autopilot for high altitude orbits in the atmosphere.</p><p>Hammond decided to call the Tok’ra to see if anyone was in the neighborhood of the planet they were on. The UAV kept up its orbits, and would relay its recordings via transmission down to the MALP when it got into range. Every two hours the Stargate was dialed up to report back to the SGC. </p><p>On the morning of the third day, the UAV transmitted back what looked to be an old fortress of some sort. The structure was on the opposite side of the planet from the Stargate. Daniel looked at the playback. He determined the structure to be Egyptian, or possibly Celtic with Ancient influence. He’d have to go there to be certain. There did seem to be people moving in the fortress, but the resolution at that altitude was not great. They couldn’t tell if it was Jaffa or other humans. It was their first sign that someone was alive on the planet. </p><p>The SGC had no ships available to them. They called the Asgard, and reached out to the Tok’ra again, letting them know that Jacob’s daughter was missing. It would take at least a month by foot to walk to the fortress, and that was dependent on the terrain. Now it was a waiting game to see how quickly someone could reach the fortress to see if Sam and Jack were there.</p><p>…</p><p>Sam and Jack were thrown into a cell together. Sam’s boots had been removed. They had no weapons. Their hands were still tied together. They were not fed any food. Water was given to them, but since Sam’s hands were bound in front, she’d have to lift the cup for Jack to drink. Going to the bathroom was even more interesting for them. Sam had to help Jack with the whole process. There was a corner with a hole that they both used. </p><p>The First Prime came into the cell on the third day and took Jack. Both of them yelled and fought back, but the First Prime simply backhanded Sam to the ground, and punched Jack.</p><p>“Hey, it’s OK, stay strong, no matter what,” Jack yelled as he was pulled from the cell.</p><p>She was left alone in the cell for what seemed like hours before Jack was hauled back in. He’d been beaten and tortured. He looked like hell. His clothes were ripped in some areas. He looked like he’d been punched a lot. He had abrasions on his hands which looked like they might be defensive. </p><p>“Jack, Jesus Christ,” she said, cradling his head in her lap.</p><p>“She has a sarcophagus. But this last time they didn’t put me in. They just brought me back.”</p><p>“Who?” Sam asked.</p><p>“Morrigan. I guess we know what happened to her.” </p><p>She held him and used the water to wipe his face. He collapsed into her and fell asleep. An hour later, the First Prime returned, this time for Sam.</p><p>“No, no, no, no, Jack!” she yelled. That woke him up and he tried to roll over and fight him off of her. He wasn’t strong enough.</p><p>“You fucking asshole, no!” he tried to reach for her, but couldn’t get there fast enough. </p><p>She was ripped from him and taken away. He was locked in the cell alone. He tried to stand, but was too dizzy and he passed out. </p><p>He had no idea how long he’d been passed out. He sat up and got some water now that his hands were free. He heard a noise and stood. A pair of Jaffa were carrying Sam back to their cell.</p><p>“Oh my god, Sam,” he said as the cell was opened and she was literally dropped to the floor, her head hitting the ground with an obvious sound. He scooted to her quickly and took her up in his arms. </p><p>She was bruised and one of her hands looked like it was broken. He held her. She was not conscious right now, so he couldn’t ask her what they did to her. So help the Goa’uld if they….he could not even finish that thought. </p><p>He moved them both so he could put his back against the far wall. He held her in his lap. He did not know how much time passed. There were no windows where they were. She started to wake in his arms. He took some water and wiped her face gently.</p><p>“Hey, Sam, it’s me,” he whispered. </p><p>She moaned and made noises like she was obviously in pain. When her consciousness caught up to her pain, her body stiffened, and she cried out and grabbed her hand. </p><p>“Oh my god, everything hurts,” she said, holding her hand to her chest. She tried to sit up.</p><p>“Sam, did they…,” again, couldn't finish the thought or the sentence. The thought of them touching her sent him in into a rage.</p><p>“No, at least I don’t think so,” she said. “Everything hurts. They didn’t ask me anything, and they didn’t put me in the sarcophagus. My hand is broken. He had someone hold me down and stomped on my hand with his boot.”</p><p>She looked at him with eyes full of pain and tears.</p><p>“Looks like they are after our IDCs. We gotta get out of here. I don’t know what happened to Daniel and Teal’c, but if they survived, maybe they’ve already called in the cavalry.”</p><p>“I hope so, because I don’t know how much of this I can take.”</p><p>“Sam look at me.” She turned her eyes to him. “You will be OK. No matter what happens, you are stronger than they are. If you have to, take yourself to a different place to get through it. Do you understand?” he asked her.</p><p>She nodded her head, but he didn’t think she fully understood.</p><p>“I didn’t think I would make it out of Iran alive. What they did to me no human should have to endure. They put things and themselves into me. Do you understand that?” he asked her again.</p><p>She shook her head and had fear in her eyes.</p><p>“No matter what, don’t give up. No matter what they do to you, don’t give up. If they...I’ve been through it. We will get through this. Together.”</p><p>She shook at his words, and he moved her to sit with her back to him in between his legs. He held her as she held her hand.</p><p>The torture went on for what felt like two weeks. Almost every day, once a day they came for them. Always one at a time, and for what seemed like hours. The torture advanced to using the pain sticks on Sam. They flung her back into the cell one day without having been put in the sarcophagus. Her clothes were soiled with her own bodily fluids and excrement. Her skin was on fire and she backed herself into a corner not letting Jack touch her. </p><p>“Please don't touch me. I just need a minute or so. I couldn’t help it. They still never asked me any questions.”</p><p>The next day they did finally put Sam into a sarcophagus and healed her up. She didn’t know what was going to come next, but she had a horrible feeling they healed her for a reason. They’d gone a week with only water before they started giving them some sort of food. She wasn’t sure how much more she could take.</p><p>After they put her in the sarcophagus, they made her change clothes. Her soiled ones were removed, and they actually had female Jaffa wash her down and put on pants and a shirt. She had no shoes still. </p><p>About an hour after they brought Sam back, they came for Jack. He looked at her, and something made him reach to her and kiss her before they grabbed him. </p><p>“I love you,” he said.</p><p>Then he was torn from her again to endure who knows what. She was waiting in the cell for them to throw Jack back in. It was a much longer time this time. She wondered what they were doing.</p><p>Then she heard footsteps. He heard voices, and one that sounded like Jack. Morrigan stepped in front of her cell and gave her a nasty smile. </p><p>“Ah, Samantha. Are you enjoying my accommodations?” she asked dryly.</p><p>“What have you done with Colonel O’Neill?” she demanded.</p><p>“Oh darling, all in good time. You see, he has become quite special to me now. I have great plans in store for him, and in many ways, you will be helping him too. We were just torturing you for the mere fun of it to try to get answers from him. We tried interrogating him. But it wasn’t working. We found a way to get what we wanted out of him. And now I think you will see we will also get what we want out of you.” </p><p>Sam did not like the tone of this conversation at all.</p><p>“We seem to have found another long lost underlord. Zipacna, why don’t you come introduce yourself to our guest?” Morrigan said, opening her arms to face the cell. </p><p>A man who looked just like Jack stepped out in front of her cell. He smiled at her, but it wasn’t Jack. He was rigid in his stance. His eyes flashed, and Sam almost threw up. He spoke in the raspy harmonic of the Goa’uld.</p><p>“My dearest Samantha. It’s so nice to see you again. It’s been a while since we saw each other on Tollana. I do hope you will have a wonderful stay with us. In fact, I’m going to have you moved to my private quarters, if that is OK with you, my queen,” Zipacna said.</p><p>“Oh by all means, darling. Just find out what we need to know. I’ll leave you to it then. Good bye Samantha.”</p><p>Morrigan turned to Jack and enveloped his mouth in hers. He reacted by grabbing her ass and kissing her back right in front of Sam. Everything in Sam dropped to the pit of her stomach.  </p><p>Morrigan left, leaving Sam to face Jack/Zipacna alone. His eyes were wrong. It was Jack’s body, but they’d stuck a snake in his head. </p><p>“Jack, no, fight this,” Sam said.</p><p>“Oh sweetheart, your Jack is not here. He is quite stubborn and has been fighting me. But he doesn’t know who he’s dealing with. Now, get up. Come with me.”</p><p>“Over my dead body,” Sam replied.</p><p>“Oh darling, that can be arranged, but we have a sarcophagus, so, ya. Not gonna happen. Jaffa, kree!” </p><p>Two Jaffa came to the cell. They went in and grabbed Sam and lifted her up. </p><p>“Take her to my quarters. And listen to me now, and listen to me good. No one is to lay a finger on her, do you understand? No one,” Zipacna said loudly.</p><p>“Yes my lord,” was the reply he received.  </p><p>The threat in his eyes reminded her of how Jack looks when someone threatens her. She wondered if that was really Jack instead of Zipacna. Zipacna grabbed and caressed Sam on the ass as she was dragged out of the cell.</p><p>“Oh you will be fun. I can’t wait. I will see you later, Samantha,” Zipacna said.</p><p>Sam’s stomach sank.</p><p>The Jaffa took Sam to Zipacna’s private quarters. A Lo’taur had already been assigned to Zipacna, and of course, it was a female. </p><p>“You are to properly bathe her and prepare her for her god,” the Jaffa said.</p><p>The Lo’taur bowed in submission, and walked to Sam. She offered Sam her hand, and took her to what looked like a very ornate bathroom. </p><p>“Look, you have to help me get out of here. Can you help me? Don’t let them do this to me. Don’t let him. Please,” Sam begged the Lo’taur.</p><p>“He will hurt me if I don’t prepare you,” is all the Lo’taur said.</p><p>…</p><p>More than a week had passed, and still no word from the Asgard or the Tok’ra. The search and rescue team and the Marine forces were still at about three weeks out from the fortress by foot. Teal’c went with the rescue forces. Daniel stayed behind near the Stargate with a small security force.  He wanted to see if the caves would reveal anything that may help them retrieve, or god forbid, recover Sam and Jack. </p><p>…</p><p>Sam resigned herself to allow the Lo’taur to prepare her for Jack. No, prepare her for Zipacna. Hurting Sam was one thing. Hurting someone because Sam refused to obey an order was another. She couldn’t let the young girl be hurt any more than she already was. And she was pretty sure what happens around here to women. </p><p>The Lo’taur had Sam dressed in gauze-like dressings that draped over her body. There was nothing to leave to the imagination. Sam knew exactly where this was going to end up. Bile rose in her stomach. She was truly alone now. She had no idea when or if a rescue would come.</p><p>The Lo’taur instructed Sam to kneel at the foot of the bed with her hands on her thighs. At first she resisted, but then she thought twice, and did as she was told. A while later, she heard the door to the room open.</p><p>“Leave us,” she heard Zipacna say. The two Jaffa left the room. The Lo’taur stood in the back of the room near the large bathroom. </p><p>She saw Jack walk towards her. Not Jack, she thought. He held a garage door opener in his hands. Sam’s eyes went wide when she saw it.</p><p>“Yes, I know you know what this is, Samantha. And because of your Colonel O’Neill’s memories, I know that yours and his primary codes have been compromised due to your invitation with us. I also know that each of you has an emergency code that can be used to open your covering on your Chappa’ai. Give me your emergency code, Samantha. Then you can go free.”</p><p>“If you know Colonel O’Neill that well, then you know I will never give you my codes,” Sam said defiantly. “And those codes have also been compromised, so you won’t have any good information anyways.”</p><p>He looked at her and smirked. It was so similar to Jack’s look he gives when he knows she is right about something. She swore it was him for a split second. Then the face hardened. </p><p>“Samantha,” he drew out her name almost seductively. “I also know that you and Colonel O’Neill have been quite intimate with each other lately. Or should we just call him Jack, now that his cock has been inside of you? Perhaps I should get to know what he knows so intimately.” </p><p>He walked up to her slowly, and she stood up in a defensive manner.</p><p>“No,” she said. </p><p>“Give me your code, Samantha,” he walked up to her, pressing his chest into her breasts.</p><p>“Jack, no. Fight him. Don’t do this. Please, Jack,” she begged, her body starting to shake.</p><p>“Last time, what.is.your.code?” he said, his eyes flashing.</p><p>Fear overtook her. She could not control the tears coming out of her.</p><p>“Please don’t do this, Jack. Hear me. It’s me, Sam. Please, no,” she begged again.</p><p>“Remember, you made this decision, Samantha. Last time. What is your code?” </p><p>Sam shook her head in defiance, unable to speak. Zipacna put the GDO down, and slowly started removing Sam’s clothes.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm not sure where this came from inside of me. Ugh. I've struggled debating whether to post this or not for almost one week. I have three chapters completed so far. I don't know where this came from. I can't even promise a happy ending at this point.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This chapter gets descriptive and sad. This is where the shattered pieces begin. You have been warned.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Jack, listen to me, it’s me, Sam. I know you’re in there. Remember Skaara? I know you can hear me. Don’t do this. Please,” Sam begged.</p><p>Zipacna stared at Sam.</p><p>“Darling Sam, I was there on Tollana, too, remember? I advocated for the symbiant. You should know that nothing of the host remains.”</p><p>He ran his fingers down her throat, and grabbed both of her breasts from behind. Sam winced and held her breath.</p><p>“Very nice. He does remember you, Sam. He’s fighting me right now, actually. Maybe I have to show him who is really in charge. Get on the bed.”</p><p>Sam didn’t move.</p><p>“We can make this easy, or we can make this hard, Sam,” he pushed his cock into her backside.  </p><p>He walked in front of her. He wanted her to see his erection. It was still Jack’s body, but Jack wasn’t in control. </p><p>“His body still reacts to you, Sam. His desire is strong. Get on the bed, now,” he said again, a little more forceful.</p><p>Her body started to shake as she knelt because her legs no longer could support her.</p><p>“No. Don’t do this, please. Jack.”</p><p>Zipacna picked her up by her arms, and lifted her and threw her on the bed. He took his pants off and climbed on top of her. He tore the remaining pieces of clothing from her. He immediately entered her.</p><p>“No!” Sam cried out, and turned her face away from his in tears. She wailed as if she lost something or someone. Her soul shattered in that moment when Zipacna raped her. Perhaps she had already lost Jack when they put Zipacna in his head. She tried to fight him off, but he had her arms held down by her elbows out to her side, almost like he was crucifying her to the bed.</p><p>“You are very nice and hot, Sam. You do feel so good,” he bent down and took her breast in this mouth. He put both of her wrists in one hand, and reached down to where they were joined and found her warm and tender. He put his mouth on her neck and licked and sucked.</p><p>“Jack, no, stop,” she begged.</p><p>“He was a lucky man, and now I am lucky to have you, Sam. You are a good fuck.”</p><p>He was hurting her with every thrust. His eyes flashed and she did everything she could to not look at him. She couldn’t stop her shrieks of pain. She couldn't move. She couldn’t fight. She remembered what Jack said. Go to another place to get through it. He was the last person who she ever thought would be the one hurting her. She had to remember it wasn’t Jack. It wasn’t him. It wasn’t him. </p><p>One final thrust and he stilled himself. He exhaled and groaned into her ear as he came inside of her, and it made her tense up and she withdrew inside of herself a little more. He sounded just like Jack when he came. It made her sick.</p><p>He got done quickly and rolled off of her. Her body was trembling and shaking and she just laid there crying, looking at the wall. She covered her body up with what she could find around her, and curled up into the fetal position. She could smell blood.</p><p>“Clean up, Sam. Tell me your codes, and this will all be over. I’ll be back, don’t worry.” </p><p>Zipacna took a change of clothes into his bathroom. She could hear him showering. It was Jack’s body. The body she knew so well. The body that was now betrayed by the Goa’uld. The body that now hurt her in ways she never would have thought possible.</p><p>“It wasn’t him. It wasn’t him. It wasn’t him,” she kept reciting, holding her ears between her hands, waiting for him to be done in the bathroom. </p><p>The water turned off and she could hear him getting dried off and dressed. He called for his Lo’taur. She pressed her hands closer to her ears because she didn’t want to hear anything between the two of them. He came out of the bathroom fully dressed. He stood and stared at her, but she didn’t turn away from the wall.</p><p>“Samantha, what is your code, darling? I’ll be back. Take a shower. You look like a mess.” And he turned and walked out of his suite.</p><p>The Lo’taur approached her. She asked if she needed help.</p><p>“Just leave me alone,” Sam said softly through her own humiliated sobs and tears. “Just let me be.”</p><p>The Lo’taur stood at her normal place in the room and waited. After what felt like an eternity, Sam gathered the sheets around her and made her way to the bathroom. Her legs were unsteady as she walked. She looked at her body in the mirror and broke down again. Her arms had bruises on them. She had dried blood between her legs. And his semen was both still wet and crusted over in some places. </p><p>She turned the water on and collapsed on the floor of the shower. She did wash herself up and tried to pull it together. When she got out to dry off, there were fresh clothes for her on the small bench in the bathroom. They were the same gauzy, revealing clothes that were torn from her before he….</p><p>“It wasn’t him,” she kept reminding herself. </p><p>She walked out to the main room, barefoot and practically naked. She saw the Lo’taur.</p><p>“What is your name?” Sam asked quietly.</p><p>“Lishto,” the young girl replied.</p><p>“Does he do this to you, too?” Sam asked.</p><p>The girl averted her eyes to the floor.</p><p>“No, not this host. The last one yes. But, it’s mostly the Jaffa who use me,” Lishto said quietly.</p><p>“We have to get out of here,” Sam said.</p><p>“He will hurt me if you refuse or try to leave.”</p><p>“I will help you and we will both get out. I promise,” Sam said. She sat down at the table with Lishto and they ate the meal that was brought in for them.</p><p>Later that night, Lishto and Sam were talking strategy at the table when Zipacna came back in the room. He stripped out of his clothes and got into his bed.</p><p>“Samantha, come to bed, darling,” he said. “Time to sleep.”</p><p>Sam glared at Lishto with fear in her eyes. Lishto looked at Sam, then got up to go to her corner of the suite. There was a small bed for Lishto. Sam was frightened.</p><p>“Now, Sam,” his voice sounded just like Jack’s would have, if it weren’t for the harmonic of the symbiant. </p><p>She slowly got up and went to the bed. She got in and rolled on her side with her back to him. He did not want space, so he pulled her into his chest and spooned her tight to him. Her breath hitched and she began to weep silent tears. She just laid there, not sleeping. At some point in the night, he began to move his body a little bit away from hers.</p><p>“Sam, I am so sorry,” she heard a whisper from behind her. No harmonic. It sounded like Jack. He was fighting him.</p><p>“Jack,” She whispered back, but not moving to face him. Her tears fell until she slept.</p><p>And that was it. No more that night from either of them.</p><p>…</p><p>The ground troops were now less than a week away. The Asgard did reply to the call for help, and were on their way. The Tok’ra also sent a Tel’tak, and they assumed Jacob would be on board that one. They should be there in less than a week.</p><p>Every day for the next two weeks, Zipacna found ways to hurt Sam to try to get her codes. Zipacna thought about dialing the Alpha Site, but it seemed that Jack knew that Siler or Harriaman would have removed this gate address on this planet from the two Earth gates, so now Zipacna knew he’d be unable to go to their Alpha Site. </p><p>He was sure that Felger or another lab geek would have reprogrammed the Earth Gate, so now Zipacna knew it would be reprogrammed. He would not be able to get to Earth through the Gate. Zipacna also now knew that Earth would be abandoning that Alpha Site due to Jack being compromised. He could still use Sam somehow.</p><p>Every night Zipacna would use Jack’s body against Sam. She kept resisting and trying to appeal to Jack. She knew Jack was still trying to resist. She would see his eyes at times, but avoided looking at him. And two other times as they slept, she heard the apology. </p><p>The second night he raped her, Sam appealed to her love for Jack. Zipacna replied that he loved her too.</p><p>The third night he raped her, she placed her palm on his cheek and looked into his eyes as she cried out in pain. Zipacna asked for her codes as he forcefully came inside of her. </p><p>The fourth night he raped her, she didn’t look or try. She just withdrew and went somewhere else until he was done. Zipacna told her what a good fuck she was.</p><p>Her body and soul was betrayed, even knowing fully well it was not Jack that was doing this to her. The psychological ramifications of this were heavy on her. She was shattered in a million pieces. It was now hard to look at him. She avoided it at all cost. And some of these nights were just very bad nights.</p><p>The fifth night he raped her, he put his hand between them, covered with some scented oil that was meant to lower inhibitions. He massaged her clit as he forced himself in her. Her body let loose with an orgasm, and it mortified her. </p><p>“See Sam, you want this. Just imagine the life I can give you. I can do this all night long,” he said, and then came inside of her again.</p><p>The sixth night he raped her, he tied her to the bed and put the sex oil all over her body. He had his Lo’taur drip some on his cock, and tried to make her watch as Lishto stroked him until he was hard. He flipped her over and took her analy. He reached around to grab her nipples, and she had another orgasm. She was being used like a doll, and now her body was betraying the violations against it. </p><p>“Another orgasm, Sam? My god you feel good wrapped around this cock,” he said, and then came inside of her ass. </p><p>The seventh night he raped her, he put the sex oil all over Sam, then had Morrigan watch. He bit at her breasts and chest. She was pretty sure she missed a period.</p><p>The eighth night he raped her, Morrigan wanted to play too. Morrigan suckled Sam’s breasts, as Zipacna raped Sam, and put his hand and fingers inside of Morrigan. Sam withdrew for the whole thing, and didn’t come back until the next morning. </p><p>He kept talking during the rapes. He kept telling her how good she felt, and how lucky she was to still be alive, what a good fuck she is. But is this really living? She wanted to die. It would be easier than going through this.  </p><p>One night he came in with a Zat. He covered his cock with the sex oil, and immeidately entered her. </p><p>“No! Stop! Please! Jack, you need to stop this. Now. I can’t do this anymore,” she pleaded and cried. </p><p>He pumped into her even harder.</p><p>“Lishto!” Sam called. “Help me!”</p><p>“You are hurting me! Look at me, Jack, stop, you are doing this to me, Sam,” she begged. She swore she saw something in his eyes flash other than the glow of being a Goa’uld. </p><p>He looked up to Listo as he was on top of Sam. He handed Lishto the Zat.</p><p>“Shoot me,” he said softly and calmly, but still hadn’t removed himself from Sam’s body. It was Jack trying to fight back.</p><p>“Shoot meeee!” He yelled loudly and strongly, his eyes and face contorted as if he were in a fight for his life. </p><p>“Do it, Lishto! Shoot him!” Sam begged.</p><p>Without thinking or knowing what she was doing, Lishto pointed the Zat at Jack, and fired. He slumped down on top of Sam, and knocked a breath out of her. She was trembling and crying. She pushed him up and off of her. </p><p>“OK, find something to tie his wrists with. Hurry. We don’t have much time,” Sam said.</p><p>Just then her door busted open and there was a flurry of commotion and people coming into the room. She saw Teal’c standing there, looking at her completely naked, and seeing Jack rolled onto his back, also naked, and still hard, in the bed.</p><p>Sam grabbed as much of the sheets as she could to cover herself. More SGC personnel entered the room. Her dad came in. She was still crying and shaking. She was mortified.</p><p>“He is not Jack. It’s Zipacna. He’s not dead.”</p><p>They could see the fear in her eyes. </p><p>“Clear the room. I will take care of this,” Teal’c said. </p><p>Teal’c bound Jack’s wrists together. He put Jack’s pants back on him. Sam was now shaking and balled up on the top corner of the bed, keeping distance from everyone and keeping as much of her covered as she could. </p><p>Jacob came close to the bed to see how Sam was doing.</p><p>“Dad, don’t. Don’t come near me. Please,” she said, shaking and crying. She kept her head and eyes towards the wall.</p><p>“You need to take Lishto, she helped. She is the one who shot him. Help her. I promised her,” she added.</p><p>“I will, kiddo, I will. Sam,” he said, just staring at her.</p><p>“Dad, I need you to leave. Please,” she quietly begged him, and continued to cry and avert her eyes.  She did not want her dad to see her like this. She didn’t know how much longer she could hold it together. </p><p>Sam saw a white beam of light in the room, and then Teal’c and Zipacna were gone. Jack was gone. She knew that was Asgard technology. She wondered what they were going to do to him. </p><p>Jacob looked at her with tears in his eyes.</p><p>“I’ll be right outside, Sam,” he said softly. He took Lishto with him. He left her alone in the room. </p><p>When the building was clear, Jacob let in Doctor Frasier. </p><p>“Sam,” she said with her own tears in her eyes. </p><p>Janet climbed into the bed with Sam and held her.</p><p>“No, no, no, don’t touch me. Please. Just don’t touch me,” Sam said, frightened.</p><p>“It wasn’t him, Janet, it wasn’t him. He tried to resist. He even gave the Lo’taur the Zat. Oh my gods, Janet, it wasn’t him. It couldn’t have been him,” and Sam collapsed in Janet’s arms and cried for about twenty minutes. </p><p>“Of course it wasn’t him. I know it wasn’t him, sweetie. I know. I do have to examine you, and get you out of here. Can you do that for me?” Janet asked softly. </p><p>Sam shook her head. Janet swabbed and examined Sam’s body. She saw the bruises and bite marks. She couldn’t help crying with her friend. </p><p>“Was there anyone else who did this to you?” Janet asked.</p><p>“No, it was just Zipacna. I guess now we know what happened to him. Janet,” Sam said, and started to cry even harder again. </p><p>“What? You can tell me,” she assured her.</p><p>“Janet. I had a few orgasms. I didn’t want to. I feel so dirty,” she lamented and looked down, and covered herself up again.</p><p>“Sam, the physiological reactions like that sometimes do happen. It doesn’t mean you wanted to be raped. It’s just that the body has certain ways to react to stimuli. Your reaction was in no way a sign of consent. You couldn’t have helped that even as you can’t control your breathing.”</p><p>She looked at Sam and waited for her to give her a sign of understanding. Sam slowly nodded her head.</p><p>“Sam, what do you mean ‘a few’. How many times did this happen to you?” Janet asked.</p><p>“I don’t know, Janet. Eight times, maybe more. He knew how to hurt me. He used Jack and his memories to destroy me. I don’t even know how much time has passed.” Her tears continued to fall.</p><p>“Oh Sam. I am so sorry,” Janet just sat with her friend.</p><p>“I’m going to need to do more exams on you. Maybe an MRI to check your internal tissues.”</p><p>“Janet,” Sam said quietly. Janet’s eyes rose to meet Sam’s, and waited for Sam to feel comfortable telling her the next things she needed to.</p><p>“I’m pretty sure I’ve missed a period.”</p><p>“Trauma like this can cause the body to shut down certain functions. This could just be from repeated trauma.”</p><p>She waited for her words to register with Sam before she spoke again.</p><p>“There’s a chance you are not pregnant, Sam. I need to get you back. Since I know it was only Jack, why don’t you go take a shower and change and we can leave.”</p><p>Sam’s entire body tensed, and she looked at Janet with venom on her eyes.</p><p>“Zipacna! It wasn’t Jack!” she yelled. Janet backed away from Sam and gave her space.</p><p>“I’m sorry, you’re right. I’ll be right outside,” Janet assured her. She tried to hug Sam again, but she pulled away.</p><p>Sam’s entire body was shaking. She got out of the bed and went to the bathroom. She collapsed in the shower and cowered against the wall. She was sick to her stomach and just wanted to leave. She was also humiliated and mortified at what happened to her. And now her dad knows what Zipacna did to her. She got up off of the shower floor, finished her shower, and got dressed. </p><p>She put on clothes that were found in Jacob’s Tel’tak. They were Tok’ra, but right now Sam didn’t care. They were not gauze, and she was not naked. Jacob flew Sam and Janet back to the Stargate. He said he’d see her soon after they figured out what they were going to do with Jack/Zipacna. </p><p>Sam couldn’t even look at her dad. With her eyes averted to the ground, and holding on to Janet’s arm, she said one word.</p><p>“Cimmeria,” is all Sam said, and walked through the Stargate with Janet. </p><p>Jacob’s eyebrows went up in understanding. She wanted to try to save Jack.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I've struggled because I didn't realize my mind had such dark depths, and I love these characters so very much. It hurt to write this, but, now I feel I have to find a way to bring it back around later on.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Still has triggers in here. Read with caution.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Sam</b>
</p><p>Janet and Sam stepped through the Stargate and back to the SGC. There were a lot of people around, and Sam felt as if they were pressing in on her. General Hammond tried to stop to talk to them, but a warning glance and shake of the head from Janet warned him off. </p><p>“Sir, I’ll come by later,” Janet told the General.</p><p>Janet held Sam by her arm and was escorting her to the elevator so she could be taken straight to the 21st floor and the infirmary. </p><p>“Janet, I’m going to be sick,” Sam said. She threw up in the elevator. </p><p>She tried to hold it together until Janet got her in a private room. Her face was flushed, people were staring at them as they walked.</p><p>Janet got Sam into a private room. Sam collapsed on the floor and grabbed the garbage can. She was dry heaving into the can because there was nothing left inside of her that could come out. Janet got on the floor with Sam and caressed her back.</p><p>“Janet, I just want to die,” she admitted.</p><p>“Come here,” Janet said, and she held Sam as she cried again. Sam was certain she had no tears left, but they kept coming. </p><p>...</p><p>
  <b>Jack</b>
</p><p>He fought Zipacna the whole time. But he also realized Zipacna was letting him retain the memories of him hurting Sam. Zipacna knew how to use Jack against Sam, and Zipacna knew how to hurt Jack. He probed all areas of his mind to find the ways to manipulate and use Jack to bend to his will. He was trying to destroy Jack so that he could gain complete control over the host body. </p><p>But Jack never let him have complete control. He screamed and resisted every time Zipacna hurt Sam. He tried so many times to take control of his body back, but Zipacna was stronger. The only time Jack had time to think and plan was when Zipacna was sleeping. It was those times that Jack found he could keep his thoughts to himself, and Zipacna couldn’t find them.</p><p>He made his plan to use the Zat. It took a few days to work it out because Zipacna didn’t sleep a lot. He found that when Zipacna was focused on sex, actually rape in this case, he became weak, and Jack could force his way to the surface. He was desperate to end this. Even if it meant him dying in the process. He had to save Sam.</p><p>He woke up on the floor, bound with his hands behind his back, and his feet tied together. He could not walk. He rolled over to find Teal’c staring at him. He looked to be on an Asgard ship.</p><p>“Shol’va!” Zipacna yelled, then spit in Teal’c’s direction. </p><p>Teal’c just stared at him and did not move. His staff weapon was at the ready. Just then Jacob Carter was beamed onto the ship. He walked to Teal’c and they began talking softly. Jacob took Teal’c over to Thor to talk about a strategy.</p><p>“Sam mentioned Cimmeria. I think she wants to try to save Jack. Do either of you know if the device on Cimmeria is functioning again?” Jacob asked.</p><p>“If it is not, I can fix it,” Thor said, “afterall, it is our device.”</p><p>“Very well. Let us proceed,” Teal’c said. They all turned to face Zipacna.</p><p>“Ah, yes, you are Jacob Carter. You are Sam’s father! Your daughter is quite nice. Jack was right. She did feel amazing underneath me,” Zipacna said, trying to get a rise out of Jacob.</p><p>Jacob was lit with fire in his eyes, but Selmak stopped him.</p><p>‘<i>Jacob, no. This will not help Sam,</i>’ Selmak said, and she physically stopped Jacob from advancing. </p><p>“JacobCarter, please do not hurt the host body. You of all people should know that Jack would never hurt SamanthaCarter. We will deal with Zipacna,” Teal’c said.</p><p>Jacob stormed off to another room on the ship to cool down. Teal’c and Thor discussed how they were going to do this. Teal’c was strong enough, but he’d have to drag and hold Jack’s body in the device. They decided to speak to Gaiwryn when they arrived at Cimmeria.</p><p>…</p><p>
  <b>Sam</b>
</p><p>Janet went with Sam to get an abdominal MRI done. Sam had some internal scrapes and small cuts, but it would all heal up and not require any surgery or anything invasive. Janet was far more concerned about Sam’s psychological state right now. She still had to go speak with General Hammond. She went with Sam back to her private room and got her into the bed. </p><p>“I have to go speak to the General now, Sam. He is going to want to know what happened. Are you OK with me talking to him, or do you want me to bring him here?”</p><p>“No! Don’t bring him here. I don’t want to see anyone but you,” Sam said. She started to get scared again.</p><p>“OK, I can do that. Sam, you don’t have to be afraid anymore. You are safe here. I’ll post guards outside keeping everyone but my staff out of here. I’ll be back as soon as I can,” Janet assured her.</p><p>Janet left Sam’s room to go to talk to Hammond. She posted two female military police outside Sam’s door. On her way to Hammond she ran into Daniel.</p><p>“Hey Janet, I was going to see how Sam is doing. I heard she is back,” he said. </p><p>“You can’t see her, Daniel. She doesn’t want to see anyone right now,” she said.</p><p>“But, it’s me. I just want to make sure she is OK. I haven’t gotten a report on what happened to her and Jack. Where is Jack, by the way?” he asked.</p><p>“Daniel, listen to me. This is not about you, and Sam is not OK. You can’t go see her. And Jack, well, he isn’t Jack anymore.”</p><p>“What do you mean? What are you talking about?”</p><p>“Come with me. I have to debrief Hammond.”</p><p>The two of them walked to the elevator to go down to Level 27 so Janet could tell the General what had happened to his top two people. Janet walked in silence. They got to Hammond’s office and he invited them in. Janet closed both doors in his office. They both sat down in chairs in front of his office. </p><p>“Doctor, what can you tell me?” he asked.</p><p>“General, it’s not good. Not good at all,” Janet was already starting to get shaken.  “Sir, Colonel O’Neill was taken as a host for Zipacna.”</p><p>Daniel gasped, the General folded his hands on his desk and stared at them as he worried them in front of them.</p><p>“Jack is a Goa’uld? Zipacna? Where’d that come from?” Daniel asked.</p><p>“Yes. They were both tortured for IDCs for a week or two before he became a host. Morrigan had a sarcophagus and they both received a few treatments in it.”</p><p>“I see,” Hammond said. “So what about Major Carter? What happened?” he asked.</p><p>Janet started to talk then stopped. She slowed her breath before she spoke. She could not stop her eyes from watering up.</p><p>“Sir, Zipacna repeatedly raped Sam.”</p><p>“Jesus Christ,” Daniel exhaled, horrified and upset.</p><p>Hammond’s entire head got red. He became visibly shaken.</p><p>“He used Jack’s knowledge and experiences, and he knew exactly how to hurt Sam. It wasn’t Jack, but it was, um, Jack’s body, sir. She’s trusted him for years. I don’t know how she comes back from this, or if she ever does,” Janet said, the tears rolling down her face.</p><p>“So what do we do?” Daniel quietly asked.</p><p>“She never gave up any information. She doesn’t want to see anyone but me. She is embarrassed and mortified. She’s going to need to eventually talk to McKenzie, but due to the nature of her injuries, I’d recommend bringing in a female, or letting her go out in town. Sir, she is afraid of her own breathing right now. Her trust is broken. I can’t let her go home like this. But, as we were walking up the ramp to the Stargate, she told her dad to take Zipacna to Cimmeria. She wants to try to save Jack.”</p><p>“She always has been a remarkable woman and Airman, hasn’t she? Always thinking of others to the detriment of herself. So what happened with Jack? I mean, Zipacna,” Hammond asked.</p><p>“Sam told me that the whole time she could see Jack fighting through Zipacna. Even during ....” Janet paused, “anyways, right before Teal’c and Jacob stormed the room, Zipacna had taken a Zat into his bed. At some point, he thrusted the Zat into the hands of his Lo’taur and ordered her to shoot him. Sam swore that was Jack finding the strength to take over and end it. The Lo’taur shot Jack, and right after is when she was rescued. Thor beamed Jack and Teal’c up, and I imagine they are on their way to Cimmeria.”</p><p>Janet let that information sink in before continuing.</p><p>“Sir, this goes without saying, but if they are successful in removing Zipacna and saving Jack’s body, he is also not going to be the same. I imagine he’ll become suicidal, and may very well succeed at it. He and Sam have been very close to each other. I am not sure how far they have taken their friendship,” she lied, she has suspected, but has no proof, “but this will also destroy him. We all have to remember that this was not Jack that did this to Sam.”</p><p>“Understood. Alright, keep me posted on her progress. No one is allowed to see her without her expressed permission, you included Doctor Jackson. I know you want to see her, but not now. I have to make some phone calls about this now. Please close my door behind you when you leave,” Hammond said.</p><p>“Yes sir, thank you,” Janet said. Daniel quietly got up and left the office and closed the door behind him.</p><p>General Hammond wept at his desk for the first time in his life. </p><p>...</p><p>
  <b>Jack</b>
</p><p>The Asgard ship took a high orbit around Cimmeria. Thor scanned the area and found Gaiwryn. Teal’c was beamed down to her location to speak with her about what had happened and how they needed her help. They would like to try Thor’s Hammer again to see if it can kill the Goa’uld inside of Colonel O’Neill. </p><p>She seemed willing to let them try this. She wasn’t sure if the device still worked. No one had tried to come to the planet since the Asgard showed up a few years ago. Teal’c told her that Thor was here and that he is willing to help fix it if needed. </p><p>“Teal’c, do you truly wish to return to the labyrinth? Will it not still try to kill you as it did before?” Gaiwryn asked.</p><p>“The larval Goa’uld is no longer within me. We have developed a serum which keeps me alive now. I can accompany O’Neill through the labyrinth to rid him of Zipacna.”</p><p>“Very well. Let’s proceed to the Stargate.”</p><p>“Gaiwryn, I have to return to Thor to retrieve O’Neill.”</p><p>She nodded in understanding, then Teal’c was transported in front of her in a white light. Back on board, Teal’c explained to Thor that the Hammer may still be broken, but if anyone can fix it, it is the Asgard. </p><p>Thor beamed the Hammer and the entire wall up to his ship. He moved some stones around on his control panel, and a bright light hit the top of the Hammer. The white light filled the door frame of the Hammer. Thor beamed the whole thing back down.</p><p>“You may now proceed with O’Neill,” Thor said to Teal’c. </p><p>Thor beamed Teal’c and Zipacna/O’Neill down before the doorway of Thor’s Hammer at the end of the labyrinth. Zipacna knew of this place and started to get nervous.</p><p>“You will never beat us all, Shol’va. We will still rule your people and enslave your people. You will never be rid of us. Ever,” Zipacna said with a sneer on his face. </p><p>His hands were still tied behind his back. Teal’c said nothing as he lifted him up off of the ground. Teal’c was stronger than Zipacna, especially with his hands tied. Teal’c dragged him over to the doorway.</p><p>“Forgive me, O’Neill. This will hurt you. But the pain will be less than what you have just gone through this past month,” Teal’c said before thrusting O’Neill’s body into the door frame.</p><p>A red light consumed the body of O’Neill. He screamed out in pain, and Teal’c had to hold him in place as he struggled to get out of the door frame. Zipacna knew what was coming because Jack had seen this in action before. Zipacna knew the legend of the Hammer. Nothing could have prepared Jack for the pain he experienced.</p><p>It felt like hundreds of knives and needles were being dug into his spine. His neck burned like it was on fire. His head ached as if an elephant was standing on it. The needles began to recede from his body. Then he collapsed into Teal’c. Zipacna was dead.</p><p>…</p><p>
  <b>Sam</b>
</p><p>“Janet, I don’t want to sleep. I can’t close my eyes,” Sam whispered.</p><p>“I can give you something,” Janet replied.</p><p>“I don’t know. Can you stay with me tonight?” Sam asked. “There’s room for two beds in here.”</p><p>“I can ask Daniel to go stay with Cassie if you’d like me to stay.”</p><p>“Please. Then maybe tomorrow I can go to my quarters and lock myself in,” Sam said.</p><p>“Well, let’s get through tonight to see how it goes, OK? Let me call Daniel. Then I’ll get a bed in here,” Janet said.</p><p>Somewhere in the middle of the night, Janet woke up to Sam crying and hiding in the corner of the room.</p><p>“I can’t do this. Janet, I just want to die. It would just be easier if I died. How do I face people? They are all going to know what he did to me. What if they think it’s my fault? They already think we were sleeping together. How do I do this?” Sam cried.</p><p>Janet sat next to her and let her cry.</p><p>“Sam, I don’t have all the answers on how to help you, but I’ll be here for you. Most of us in this program know that the Goa’uld control the host. This is not your fault. Those of us who know you two know that you guys were not crossing the lines. We know the truth.”</p><p>Sam stared at Janet like she wanted to tell her something. She opened her mouth to start, but closed it again.</p><p>“What?” Janet asked.</p><p>“Actually…” Sam stopped. Janet looked at Sam. Sam couldn’t take her eye away from her friend until she understood what Sam was trying to say. Then a moment of clarity came over Janet’s face.</p><p>“Oh. Oh, Jesus, Sam. So when you said that Zipacna knew of Jack’s experiences to hurt you, you really meant...oh, Sam, I am so sorry,” and she held Sam as they both cried.</p><p>…</p><p>
  <b>Jack</b>
</p><p>Teal’c held O’Neill’s head after he fell to the ground. He started to wake up and tried to kneel. His head hurt him and he bent over in pain and held his head face-down on the floor. When he became aware of his surroundings, he sat and saw Teal’c a few inches from him.</p><p>“Teal’c, what are….” and he stopped stone cold as his memories came crashing down on him.</p><p>“Oh. No, no, no.” He tried to stand up to run, but he fell back to his knees in agony of what he had done.</p><p>“Oh fuck. T, you have to kill me. Shoot me. Now. What have I done? Kill me!” O’Neill yelled. He grabbed Teal’c by his tac vest and begged him.</p><p>“I cannot, O’Neill. This was not your fault. The Goa’uld has been destroyed. You must return with me to Earth.”</p><p>Jack withdrew inside himself, in effect, putting himself into self-preservation mode. His hands were shaking. His breathing was erratic. He didn’t calm down for about twenty minutes. It was another ten minutes after that before either of them spoke. </p><p>“Is she alive?” Jack asked hesitantly. </p><p>“MajorCarter is alive and she is on Earth by now. She is not well, but she is alive. He did not kill her. In fact, I believe it was you, O’Neill, who pushed through and saved SamanthaCarter.”</p><p>“Teal’c. I raped her. I can’t go back,” Jack said softly, almost too calmly.</p><p>“You are not responsible. I will not kill you.”</p><p>Then both of them were transported back to Thor’s ship. The first person Jack saw when he was beamed back up was Jacob Carter. Jack’s eyes met Jacob’s, and as hard as Jack tried, he could not hold back his fear or his tears. He fell to his knees and cried.</p><p>“I’m sorry. I tried to stop him. He made me remember. Oh my god, Jacob. What have I done? She’s your daughter. I was supposed to protect her.”</p><p>Jacob just stared at Jack as both of the men were processing their emotions of being in the same room together after the rape of Jacob’s daughter. Selmak could feel the anger in Jacob. She kept reminding him that it wasn’t Jack that did this to Sam. The entity responsible is now dead. </p><p>“Jacob, kill me, please.”</p><p>“I can’t do that, Jack. We’re going to take you with us back to the Tok’ra for now. We will make sure you are physically OK after being a Goa’uld.”</p><p>“Physically. Right,” Jack said. Knowing that his psychological healing will be something entirely different, and the Tok’ra most likely won’t be helping with that. </p><p>He also knew this was a tactic of keeping him away from Earth. Sam was probably still in the infirmary, and the risk to her psychological healing was far more important to him than his own safety. He’d honestly rather die right now. But, she was alive. He was glad to know he didn’t kill her.</p><p>“I will accompany O’Neill, if the Tok’ra will have me,” Teal’c said.</p><p>“You are more than welcome, Teal’c,” Jacob replied. “I guess we should all get down to my ship. Thor, thank you for your help in saving my daughter and Jack,” Jacob said. Jack noticed that Jacob added his name to the thank you.</p><p>“O’Neill, you have a long road ahead of you. I am glad we could help you.”</p><p>Thor beamed them back down to the planet where Jacob’s Tel’tak was located near the Stargate. Teal’c took a moment to dial Earth to let them know he’d be traveling with Jacob and Jack. The three of them got into the ship to start the journey back to the Tok’ra. </p><p>…</p><p>
  <b>Sam</b>
</p><p>Sam’s first week in the SGC was hard. She moved into her private quarters. She rarely slept. She wasn't eating enough. She barely left her room. A female psychiatrist was brought in for her. Her first appointment was a disaster. Sam ran out after only ten minutes and went straight to General Hammond’s office.</p><p>“Sir, you have a minute?” she asked.</p><p>“Of course, any time for you, Major.”</p><p>“Sir, I’d like to request a transfer. I no longer can work for the SGC.”</p><p>He looked at her for a moment. Then a look of resignation came across his face. While he could never understand what she went through, he knew enough to know how hard this will be when Jack returned. </p><p>“Alright, let’s call Doctor Frasier and Doctor Madison and talk through your options.”</p><p>Hammond called the two doctors to his office. He closed both of his doors and had everyone sit.</p><p>“Doctors,” he said, ironic that Sam was also a doctor, “Major Carter has asked to be transferred from the SGC. She no longer wants to work here. I’d like your professional opinion before I make any decision,” Hammond started.</p><p>Doctor Madison just started with Sam, and her first appointment was not good.</p><p>“Sir, Sam and I only had ten minutes today. I don’t believe it’s wise to let her do anything at this point,” she said.</p><p>“I’m sitting right next to you in the room. You don’t have to talk about me like I’m four,” Sam said defensively.</p><p>“I am sure Doctor Madison did not intend to speak down to you, Major,” Hammond said.</p><p>“Of course not, sir. Sorry,” Sam offered.</p><p>“Sir, I’d recommend Sam not be transferred,” Janet said. Sam gave her a sideways glance that could have sliced glass.</p><p>“What I mean is that her friends are here, her support system is here. It will be more difficult when and if Colonel O’Neill returns, yes. But, she has friends here. I personally also prefer you to stay, Sam,” Janet said.</p><p>“Why? Why do you want me around? You know what happened to me. I can’t possibly be any good to anyone right now.”</p><p>“You are always good for us. I love you. You may not feel up to work right now, but in time, it may feel better to be here. And maybe something good will come out of this,” Janet said.</p><p>“Good? There’s nothing good about me being repeatedly raped by the man I….” and she pulled and stopped the rest of her words. She averted her eyes to the floor. But, Janet and Hammond knew the rest of her sentence. Doctor Madison’s eyebrows rose with this new revelation.  </p><p>“Sam,” Janet said, putting her hand on her arm, “It wasn’t Jack that did this to you. This will take time. But as your medical officer, I cannot allow a transfer right now,” she said looking in Sam’s eyes. </p><p>“Why, Janet?” Sam said, her eyes tearing up again.</p><p>Janet inhaled deeply and let out a long exhale.</p><p>“I was going to tell you later. Sam, you are pregnant.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I worked this for a few days now. I need a break to process all of this. I have a picture of SG-1 next to me and I find myself apologizing to the picture for writing this story. While it's fun (I guess) finding new areas of creativity in the brain, this was hard on me. So now I shall breathe......</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Sam</b>
</p><p>“I want to go home. Now. Sir, I have to get out of here,” Sam said after finding out the news that she was pregnant.</p><p>“Sir, I’ll call in Dr. Brightman and go home with Sam,” Janet said.</p><p>Doctor Madison just watched what was going on around her. She’d file all of this for the future, hoping that Sam would change her mind and meet with her. </p><p>“Why don’t you take some time off, Major. Don’t worry about coming to work. Sam,” Hammond said, trying to get a reply from her.</p><p>“Yes, sir,” and Sam got up to go to her quarters to grab her things and go home. </p><p>Janet went to her room after calling in Doctor Brightman and knocked. Sam didn’t answer so Janet used her key card to check inside the room. She found Sam sitting on her bed, holding a towel in her hand.</p><p>“Sam, it’s me,” Janet said. Sam looked up and nodded her head. Janet came into the room.</p><p>“You know, I used to look forward to coming to work. There were nights I’d get so caught up in my work that I’d just stay here overnight and not even want to go home. Now I feel suffocated here, and I don’t want to be here.”</p><p>Janet came to sit on the bed with Sam. </p><p>“He used to come around to make sure I was OK. He’d bring me water or Diet Coke. He’d make me eat when he knew that I worked through lunch or dinner. Sometimes he’d just sit on a chair and keep me company. I don’t know how to do this anymore, Janet.”</p><p>Janet sat and caressed her friend’s back as she talked.</p><p>“Let’s get you home. I think you do need to give Dr. Madison a chance, Sam. But, know that I’m with you for the long run. I’m not going anywhere.”</p><p>“Thank you. I just don’t know how to do this,” and the two ladies got up and made their way to the surface to take Sam home.</p><p>…</p><p>
  <b>Jack</b>
</p><p>He sat on the floor of his crystal room in the Tok’ra tunnels. He wasn’t eating or sleeping. He didn’t leave his room except for using the restroom or for a medical check up. He kept asking to die. Teal’c came in to see how he was doing. He stood there in the doorway waiting to see if Jack would talk.</p><p>“I don’t know how to do this anymore, T,” he said finally.</p><p>Teal’c came into the room and sat down next to his friend.</p><p>“I know we made you and Daniel uncomfortable at times. I’m sorry about that,” Jack said.</p><p>There was another stretch of silence between the two men before Teal’c spoke.</p><p>“O’Neill, I have seen you change over the years where it concerns MajorCarter. I have watched her interact with you and change as well. You are good for each other.”</p><p>“That’s all changed now. He changed it and I could not stop him. You know I fought him. I tried so hard to control my own body, and I could not. I hurt her in ways that I don’t know how to come back from.”</p><p>“It was not you hurting her.”</p><p>“Then it was the image of me hurting her. My god, T, he let me remember things. He made me watch some things. The words he spoke to her using my body. He knew exactly how to hurt her.”</p><p>“When I was First Prime to Apophis, I did things to people, to women, that I will regret for the rest of my life. When I helped you escape, I knew my life was over. I knew I’d be killed on the spot when more Jaffa came to the room. When you offered me a chance to come with you, you should have seen the look in your eyes. It is like you believed in me and could look past what had just happened with Sha’re and your female from Earth that they killed,” Teal’c paused a moment.</p><p>“Now, O’Neill, it is my turn to believe in you. I cannot foresee what your future holds, or if MajorCarter will be in it. But I will be by your side now as you have been by mine all of these years.”</p><p>Teal’c got up to leave Jack with his thoughts. </p><p>“Hey,” Jack said when Teal’c got to the door opening. “Thanks, Teal’c.”</p><p>Jack walked up to his friend and offered him his arm. They shook and embraced each other. </p><p>“I’m going to go eat. Would you care to join me?” Jack asked.</p><p>“I am sad to say I must decline. I have to kelno’reem.”</p><p>“OK, then I’ll see you around,” Jack said, and left to go find something to eat.</p><p>Jack wandered through the halls trying to find his way to where the food was. The Tok’ra seemed to be ignoring him, or they were lost in their own work. Probably not anything to do with him, he’s just making things up in his head. He asked for directions from one of them, and he finally found what he was looking for.</p><p>When he walked into the dining facility, the only person in there was Jacob Carter. The two men met with their eyes. Jack walked in to find water and some vegetable things to eat. He went to sit down across from Jacob. Jack ate in silence. Jacob looked as if he were having an internal conversation with Selmak.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Jacob,” Jack said, looking down at his water.</p><p>“I stopped being angry after the third day of you being here. I know it’s not your fault. I know you’d never hurt Sam,” Jacob said.</p><p>“I fought him, Jacob. I tried.”</p><p>“I know you did. When I walked in that room to see my daughter scared and broken,” Jack flinched in response to Jacob’s words, “I wanted to kill you. It was obvious what had happened. You were lying there. I could have easily snapped your neck. Selmak had to hold me back and forced me to concentrate on Sam, not you.”</p><p>Jacob was silent and took a few more bites of his food.</p><p>“When Janet was finally able to get her out of there, I flew the two of them back to the Stargate. She would not even look at me. She was scared, lonely, humiliated, broken and hurt.”</p><p>He paused again, and Jack became agitated, but Jack knew he had to listen to Jacob. Afterall, it was Jack who had hurt his daughter.</p><p>“I walked them to the Stargate and Janet dialed Earth and entered her IDC. Without even lifting her head, Sam spoke one word to me before she left. She said ‘Cimmeria.’ She wanted to try to save you, Jack. In spite of everything that was done to her by Zipacna, she wanted us to try to save <i>you</i>.”</p><p>Jacob got up from the table to leave. He looked down at Jack, who was staring at the table. </p><p>“I think you’re ready to go home. Let me know when you are, and I’ll come with you,” Jacob offered before leaving Jack alone in the dining facility. The weight of the words broke Jack and he cried. He didn’t know how, but he had a small spark of hope that one day, maybe he would be OK.</p><p>
  <b>Sam</b>
</p><p>“I’d rather think that I got pregnant before this happened to me,” Sam said to Janet.</p><p>They were sitting on her couch drinking tea. They’d picked up Thai food on the way home. Daniel was going to take care of Cassie again for Janet. </p><p>“Then that’s what we’ll go with. Were there other chances that you might be?”</p><p>Sam actually blushed and gave Janet a half smile.</p><p>“Yes, you know that, but it had been a few weeks in between, so there’s really just one other time he could have gotten me pregnant. The night before we were taken. Apparently I was rather loud and pissed off Daniel,” Sam said, and actually laughed.</p><p>“Oh my god, Sam! Seriously? During work? So scandalous,” Janet said in a joking manner.</p><p>“It didn’t happen often, like I said it was a few weeks prior to that, and that time was here on Earth.”</p><p>“What made you guys finally give in? I mean, we all know how you feel about each other. It was obvious.”</p><p>“Felt. Past tense. I don’t know. It just happened. I don’t even remember what we were talking about. But he told me he loved me, and it just happened. We were at his place after a Team Night,” Sam said, smiling at her memory.</p><p>“You love him,” Janet said.</p><p>“Why do you think I wanted him taken to Cimmeria? It doesn’t matter anymore now, though. It’s all changed,” Sam said.</p><p>“Perhaps. Sam, I really think you need to talk to Doctor Madison. Jack is still the father of your baby. He’s going to find out. Knowing Jack, he’s going to want to help or be involved.”</p><p>“I may want to move away from here. Maybe be reassigned to Nevada. I think distance will be good.”</p><p>“Sam,” Janet said softly. “I know this is a lot. Why don’t I see if Doctor Madison can come here for your appointments. That way you don’t have to be surrounded by work.”</p><p>“Janet, I’m fine. Really. But if you think it will help clear me so I can move, then yes. I agree.”</p><p>“Denying what has happened or trying to lock it away won’t change what happened to you. And it won’t help to start the healing process.”</p><p>Janet saw Sam’s eyes change in an instant. She saw the fear from when they were on the planet. She saw the anger again. Then Sam averted her eyes and smiled.</p><p>“I’m fine, Janet. Really. Let’s get me well so I can move on, OK?”</p><p>And with that, Janet let it be, and they cleaned up the house and got ready for bed.</p><p>…</p><p>
  <b>Jack</b>
</p><p>Jack, Teal’c, and Jacob stepped through the Stargate and into Stargate Command on Earth. Jack had been gone about one month now. He walked through the Gate to find the security forces with raised guns on them. General Hammond ordered the security forces to stand down when he saw who came through the Gate. Jack walked slowly behind Jacob down the ramp, Teal’c was up front. Jack felt like all eyes were on him.</p><p>General Hammond was already at the foot of the ramp.</p><p>“Jack, Teal’c, welcome home. Jacob, welcome back to Earth.” Teal’c bowed his head.</p><p>“Thank you, George. Good to be here.”</p><p>“Gentlemen, in my office, please,” Hammond said, indicating to Jack and Jacob. Teal’c left the Gate room to go to the armory to turn in his staff weapon. Then he went to find Daniel. The other three men walked out of the Gate room and up the stairs to the General’s office.</p><p>Jack walked with his head down, not wanting to look at anyone. He could feel the looks and the stares again. He took a seat, and Hammond closed both of his doors, then sat down.</p><p>“Jack, I’m sure you know by now that what has happened has made its way to the President. They understand you were under the influence of a Goa’uld. No charges are being made against you by the United States Government. However, you will be required to undergo a psychiatric evaluation and therapy.”</p><p>Jack just shook his head in understanding. </p><p>“How is she?” Jack asked, looking at the floor.</p><p>Hammond looked to Jacob.</p><p>“Not well. She is at home. She has asked to die or to be killed a few times, and she has asked for a transfer,” Hammond said.</p><p>Jack’s eyes shot up at Hammond at hearing the words that she may be leaving. His eyes widened, then returned to sullen and sad.</p><p>“I understand, sir,” Jack finally replied.</p><p>“She is not being allowed to transfer anywhere at this time. She needs to start taking her therapy seriously before she will be released back to active duty. She has a support system here in Colorado Springs.”</p><p>Jack and Jacob both shook their heads that they understood.</p><p>“Jacob. Jack. There is one more thing,” Hammond said. He paused until both men looked up at him. Jack was the last one to lift his eyes to his boss.</p><p>“Jack. She is pregnant,” Hammond said.</p><p>Jack’s world went black for a moment before bile rose out of his stomach. He got up and wretched over Hammond’s garbage can.</p><p>“Jesus Christ, George,” Jacob said.</p><p>Jack leaned back against the wall in the office and hugged his knees to his body. He put his head in his hands and tried to breathe deep.</p><p>“How could I do this to her? What have I done?”Jack lamented. His eyes were red, and his emotions were running high with fear and regret.</p><p>“I’d like to go see my daughter, George,” Jacob said.</p><p>“Yes, of course. I can have a driver take you over now.”</p><p>Hammond called for a driver to meet Jacob up top. Jacob got up and put a hand on Jack’s shoulder as he left the room. Jack sat there on Hammond’s floor not quite able to move yet.</p><p>“Son, I’m not even going to try to pretend to understand what you are going through right now. But I know this is not your fault. I want you to see Makenzie. Or heck even Doctor Madison. This is going to take time, Jack. You are relieved of duty until cleared by medical.”</p><p>Jack continued to sit on the floor, massaging his temples with his hands, and trying to control the emotions flowing over him.</p><p>“Jack, given your past, you will be required to have someone with you at all times. Daniel has agreed to stay with you. I’m sure Teal’c will want to help as well,” Hammond said.</p><p>“I can still find a way to kill myself, General.”</p><p>“Yes, I am aware of that. I just hope that you do not.”</p><p>“Alright. Can I go home?” Jack asked.</p><p>“Schedule your post-mission medical exam with Doctor Frasier, then schedule your psych eval. Then you can go home. Jack, I’m glad you are home,” Hammond said.</p><p>“Why? I raped your top scientist and got her pregnant. Why is that anything to be glad about?” Jack said, then slipped out of Hammond’s office to go find Frasier.</p><p>…</p><p>
  <b>Sam</b>
</p><p>“Thank you for making house calls. I really don’t feel like being in the silo anymore,” Sam admitted.</p><p>“How does the SGC make you feel now?” Doctor Madison asked.</p><p>“Like I just don’t want to be there. Too many ghosts in the hallways for me. It’s OK. I’ll be transferred soon and won’t have to go back to see anyone there,” Sam said.</p><p>“And when you say ‘anyone’, are there specific people, or a person you are referring to?” the doctor asked back.</p><p>“All of them. The General, Daniel, Walter, Siler. I’ll miss Teal’c and Janet, though.”</p><p>“How about the Colonel? Will you miss him?”</p><p>Sam stared at her and her eyes flashed with anger. Then she pulled herself back together. She pulled her feet up under her on the couch.</p><p>“I don’t know you well enough to talk about him. He is irrelevant anyways. It doesn’t matter anymore.”</p><p>“Oh, I don’t know, Major. I think he is quite relevant, and the reason we’re here today talking.”</p><p>Sam seemed to have softened a little bit. Her gaze dropped to the table in front of her. </p><p>“There was a time that I would have missed him, yes. But not anymore,” Sam said quietly.</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>Sam’s eyes shot up to the Doctor.</p><p>“Why not? Are you kidding me? He did things to me and got me pregnant. And even though I know it wasn’t really him, it was that fucking Goa’uld, after all I had been through, I still wanted to try to save the host body. What is wrong with me?” Sam yelled.</p><p>“If you can save the host, that sounds like a very honorable thing to do, Sam. It sounds exactly like something you would want for any host.”</p><p>Madison let the words hand in the air a little while.</p><p>“What things did he do to you, Sam?”</p><p>Sam looked at her incredulously. She began to shake.</p><p>“Are you fucking kidding me? You read my report. You know what he did.”</p><p>“Sam, sometimes to begin healing we have to call out what was done. Speaking words makes them real. Why don’t you try to say the word,” the doctor said.</p><p>“I can’t. He took something special and turned it against me.”</p><p>“What do you mean? What was something special, Sam?”</p><p>Sam squirmed in her seat, trying to hold back the tears that were running down her rosy cheeks.</p><p>“Um. We were more than coworkers. It developed over the years. We tried to ignore it. But when I finally admitted to myself that I was in love with him, it bubbled over. It just happened one night. It was a few months ago, earlier this year. He admitted he loved me. And it happened so slow and so sweet.”</p><p>“You were intimate prior to this, then. So this violation was with prior knowledge. Because the Goa’uld knew Jack’s mind. He knew how to hurt you,” the doctor stated more than she asked.</p><p>“Yes,” Sam said, barely audible. </p><p>“Sam, I want you to say out loud what that Goa’uld did to you,” Madison said.</p><p>“Screw you,” Sam replied.</p><p>“Anger is good. It’s part of the healing process. Sam, I’d still like you to say what the Goa’uld did to you. It only stays between me and you.”</p><p>Sam looked at Doctor Madison for a long time. Her tears stopped, and her breathing returned to normal.</p><p>“He, uh, used the host body and mind against me. He took something that was special and loving and turned it into pain and suffering. He knew what to say. He knew what to do. I never told him one thing that he wanted. </p><p>“Sometimes I’d just lie there, and I’d go to a different place in my mind until he was done. He hurt me. He humiliated me. He made me bleed. And he got me pregnant. And after all of that, it was me who wanted them to try to save the host body.”</p><p>Doctor Madison listened to Sam’s words, and watched her face and body language. It was clear to her that Sam still loved Jack. But there was one word, actually two words, that Sam was not using when she described what was taken from her.</p><p>“I see. Sam, this whole time I have not heard you say his name. You also have not admitted what was done to you.”</p><p>“I told you what he did to me.”</p><p>“Who, Sam? Who did this to you? What did he do to you?”</p><p>“Get out. We’re done. Leave. Get out of my house.”</p><p>“OK, I’ll go Sam. But, it won’t change what was done to you or who did it to you,” doctor Madison said. “You have worked hard today. This was good. I’ll come by tomorrow.”</p><p>They both heard a knock on the door.</p><p>“That is good timing. Have a nice day today, Sam. I’ll be back,” and they both walked to the door to see who it was.</p><p>“Dad, hi, I didn’t know you were here.”</p><p>“Hi Sammie. Is it OK if I come in?” Jacob asked.</p><p>“Yes, of course, dad, this is Doctor Madison, my shrink. Doctor, this is my dad, Jacob Carter.”</p><p>“Nice to meet you, sir. I was just telling Sam that I’d be back tomorrow. We are done for the day, but I’ll see you tomorrow.”</p><p>“Goodbye, Doctor,” Sam and Jacob said almost at the same time. Sam closed the door and welcomed her dad inside.</p><p>“So, if you are here, does that mean that he is back?” Sam asked.</p><p>“Yes, he is back and has been told to go home and also get in to see a shrink,” Jacob tried to smile as he said that.</p><p>“Did you talk to Hammond?” Sam asked.</p><p>“Yes, we both did,” Jacob said.</p><p>“So you both know?” </p><p>“Yes, we both know.”</p><p>“Dad, I’m scared.”</p><p>“I know. I’m here for you. Tell me what I can do to help.”</p><p>“Just make the pain go away,” Sam said, and fell into her father’s arms for the first time since this happened.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I've been up since 4 AM. Now I am starting to feel better about this 😊</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>OK!! We have hope for the future!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Jack</b>
</p><p>He drove to the SGC for his 0900 appointment. He hated these appointments, but this one he didn’t mind because it had everything to do with her. He wanted to see if anything in his life could be fixed when it came to her. He knocked on the door.</p><p>“Come in,” Doctor Madison said.</p><p>“Hi, um, I’m Colonel O’Neill,” he said.</p><p>“Yes, right on time. Come in, please. Close the door.”</p><p>He sat down in front of her and inhaled deeply. She thought he looked tired, broken, scared. Plenty to work with here.</p><p>“How are you today, Colonel?” she asked.</p><p>“I’m not well, Doc. Not at all.”</p><p>“Why don’t you tell me why you are not well,” Madison probed.</p><p>“You read the report. You’ve heard the rumors.”</p><p>“I have. But why don’t you tell me anyways. I don’t pay attention to rumors,” she said almost with a smile.</p><p>Jack worried his hands in his lap. He averted his eyes. His voice was soft and low.</p><p>“I hurt her.”</p><p>“Was it really you, though? From what I understand, this is not your fault.”</p><p>“She won’t see it that way,” Jack said a little stronger.</p><p>“Who is ‘she’ that you keep referring to?”</p><p>“Oh come on, Doc! You know damn well who it is!” he yelled.</p><p>“And I would bet you have not said her name one time since you have been back. Maybe longer. So I will ask again. Who is ‘she’?” Madison instructed.</p><p>“Why? How can saying that possibly help me?”</p><p>“A gross violation happened to both of you. Both of you are refusing to say each other’s names.”</p><p>“No, I violated her.”</p><p>“Jack, the very person of who you are was violated, then forced to do things against a woman you care for. You were no less raped than she was,” Madison said.</p><p>Jack felt bile rise from his stomach. His stomach lurched once before he stood up.</p><p>“I gotta go,” and he got up and left Doctor Madison’s office. </p><p>He barely made it to the men’s room when the contents of breakfast came forcefully out of him. The memories of hurting her came crashing down and he wished the memories were as easily expelled from him as his coffee and eggs were. </p><p>He cleaned up and went back to Madison’s office. She had him come back to the room and close the door. He sat back down in front of her.</p><p>“Sorry. Got a little sick there. Um, her name is Samantha Carter. And I am in love with her. At least I was,” he began.</p><p>…</p><p>
  <b>Sam</b>
</p><p>“I read about the steps of grief. I think I’m angry,” she said.</p><p>“What makes you say that?” Madison asked.</p><p>“My life seems to have been taken from me. Now I’m pregnant. I’m hiding at home. I haven’t even seen him. But he knows I’m pregnant.”</p><p>“Do you want to see him, Sam?”</p><p>“I don’t know. I really don’t know. I’m also angry at him. But not him. I don’t know what I’m talking about,” she admitted.</p><p>“Say his name,” Madison said.</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“It’s funny. I shouldn’t tell you this, but I had to make him say your name too. Say his name.”</p><p>“I can’t.”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“Because I’m pissed off, that’s why! I don’t know how to even breathe on most days! And now you’re telling me to say this and say that!”</p><p>Doctor Madison just kept looking at Sam, waiting for her to continue.</p><p>“He stole the most intimate thing in my life. He used him against me. The only thing I have going for me is the hope that this baby was conceived before I was…” she stopped talking. </p><p>“Before you were what?”</p><p>“Goddammit, raped!” she yelled. “I was fucking raped by the body of the man I love!”</p><p>…</p><p>
  <b>Jack</b>
</p><p>“Do you want to see her?” Madison asked.</p><p>“Ya, I think so, Doc. I would like to talk to her. Is it wrong that I wish things could go back to how they were? Or at least that we could find a way to be together now?”</p><p>“No, perfectly normal to want that. What else do you want?”</p><p>“I’d like to be a father to my child. You know, I used to have a son.”</p><p>“I didn’t know that. Where is he?” Madison asked.</p><p>“That is a story for another time. He died.”</p><p>“Oh. I am sorry. I didn’t know.”</p><p>“I know you didn’t. It’s OK. But having a second chance, but not knowing if I get to be a part of its life, well, it hurts.”</p><p>“Have you forgiven yourself, Jack?” Madison asked.</p><p>Jack sort of laughed before answering.</p><p>“For what, for my son dying, or for hurting Carter?”</p><p>“OK, fair question. How about both?”</p><p>“Hmph. No, I have not. Not even close. I just…,” Jack faltered.</p><p>Doctor Madison stared and waited.</p><p>“I just don’t know how to live anymore, doc. If it weren’t for the baby…,”</p><p>“Then you take it one day at a time, Jack.”</p><p>
  <b>Sam</b>
</p><p>Sam knocked on the door.  The voice inside said to come in.</p><p>“Well, this is a nice surprise to see you up and about,” Doctor Madison said.</p><p>“I have an ultrasound with Janet after this, so I figured I’d come to you today. I’m not comfortable.”</p><p>“I understand. Close the door behind you and come sit. How was your night?”</p><p>“I got more than four hours of sleep. And I ate an entire meal. No bad dreams. I’d say it was a great night,” Sam said.</p><p>“I’d say so! I don’t know if you know this or not, but Jack is continuing to see me. He’d like to be a part of your baby’s life.”</p><p>“Oh. I don’t know how to do that right now.”</p><p>“Do you want to see him? We can do a session here in my office. It will be a controlled setting. I’ll be here the whole time.”</p><p>“Um. I haven’t seen him since...is it wrong that I still feel like I love him? Is it wrong that I want to try?”</p><p>“No, not wrong at all. He has had similar questions. Do you want to try now, before your ultrasound? If it goes well, do you want him to be in for that as well?”</p><p>Sam thought about that for a few moments. </p><p>“I think I want to try,” she whispered.</p><p>“I’ll be right back,” Doctor Madison said. </p><p>She went into the other room and used the phone to call General Hammond. Hammond came down to Madison’s office. </p><p>“Sam, I heard you were here. I wanted to personally come to say hi and to see how you are doing.”</p><p>“Sir, I’m as well as can be expected. Thank you.”</p><p>“Sam, Jack is here. Do you want to see him?” he asked.</p><p>Sam paled at his words. She grabbed her arms in front of her, and paced the small room. Doctor Madison was also in the room.</p><p>“The doctor will be here with you,” he said, indicating he and the doctor. “I can go get Janet, too, if you like,” he continued. </p><p>“No. It’s fine. I think. OK,” she fisted both hands at her side, and stood up a little taller. “OK,” she said again.</p><p>Doctor Madison went to her door and opened it. Jack stood on the other side of the door. He looked smaller, like he lost weight. His eyes were hollow like he hasn’t been sleeping either. But his eyes were the same. </p><p>Sam looked at him and froze. His eyes were the same as they always have been. Zipacna didn’t use his eyes against her, so at least she has that to hold on to. When he looked at her, she could see the pain and sorrow. She could also see the desire to make things right again. He hadn’t lost his love for her. If anything else, his love was all she could see right now.</p><p>“Jack,” she gasped softly, not taking her eyes off of him.</p><p>“Hi, Sam,” he said gently. She thought she heard his voice crack. </p><p>...</p><p>
  <b>Jack</b>
</p><p>Hammond called him in the morning to come to the SGC on the chance that Doctor Madison could get him and Sam into a joint supervised session. It’s what he wanted, and apparently what Sam wanted too. He waited for the call in Hammond’s office. </p><p>When the call came, he went with Hammond to Madison’s office. He waited outside the door until they called for him. When they opened the door for him, the first thing he saw was her. He could tell she was scared. Her hair was a little longer. She looked like she lost weight. Too much for being pregnant. She was still beautiful. </p><p>He looked into her eyes. Zipacna didn’t know about, or find the thing in Jack’s mind that happens between them with their eyes. He felt it was the one thing that the monster didn’t take from him. He could look in her eyes forever, and still never know all of the secrets of Samantha Carter. </p><p>He heard her whisper his name. The only thing his brain could do was to say hi to her. He heard Doctor Madison ask them all to sit down. Hammond left the room. Jack sat on the opposite end of the couch from her. They both faced Madison. </p><p>“This is good. Jack, how do you feel?” Madison asked.</p><p>“Nervous. It’s good to see you, Sam,” he said, quietly, turning his eyes sideways to her. Sam gave him a half smile in return.</p><p>“Sam, are you OK? How do you feel?” Madison asked her.</p><p>“Nervous. Scared. OK,” she replied.</p><p>“Jack, let’s start with you.”</p><p>Jack fidgeted in his seat. His breathing got faster. He felt he was going to lose control.</p><p>“Sam,” he whispered, choked back with emotion, “I am so sorry. I didn’t...it wasn’t...I’d never hurt you, do you know that?”</p><p>Sam was overcome with emotion. She started crying and looked to Doctor Madison. Jack continued.</p><p>“And a baby. My god Sam. What have I done?”</p><p>“I know it wasn’t you,” Sam barely said out loud.</p><p>“I tried to stop him. I tried to resist him. I’d have rather died than let that happen to you,” he said.</p><p>“I’m angry with you. I know it wasn’t you. But I’m still angry,” Sam said.</p><p>“What can I do?” Jack asked, reaching out for Sam’s hand.</p><p>She let him touch her hand, but pulled it back quickly to hold against her body after a moment. She swung her head to Doctor Madison when her action startled her.</p><p>“Sam, what just happened there? How did that make you feel?” the doctor asked.</p><p>“Memories. Flashbacks. Confused between him and…” she stopped.</p><p>“Between who, Sam?” Madison asked.</p><p>“Zipacna! Goddammit. Are you happy now? I said his fucking name,” Sam yelled venomously, looking straight at Madison.</p><p>Jack looked taken aback. He inhaled sharply. He’d never seen or heard Sam act like this before. He can’t even imagine trying to understand what she’s going through right now. </p><p>“Yes, as a matter of fact, I am happy, Sam. You did good today. This is great progress. We’re done for today,” Madison said.</p><p>“Good, I have to get an ultrasound today. I’ll see you later,” Sam said to Madison.</p><p>Sam got up to leave in an angered rush. Jack had no idea what to do, so he did what came instinctually for him. He went after Sam.</p><p>…</p><p>He ran after her to the elevator. She was waiting for the car to arrive when he caught up to her. They had set Doctor Madison up on level 15 as no spaces were available in the medical areas on levels 21 or 22. He could tell she was still angered and upset. Without thinking, he put his hand on her shoulder to try to comfort her.</p><p>“Don’t touch me!” she yelled as she turned on him and swung. He caught her arm in his hand and held it gently.</p><p>Then she realized where she was. Her face became ashen at her actions. Her eyes went wide and she inhaled deeply. She relaxed in his grip as the elevator door opened. Thankfully it was empty.</p><p>He let go of her arm, and they both got in the car. The door closed them both inside. She stood on one side, he stood on the other.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” she whispered. She was nervously shaken.</p><p>“It’s OK, Carter,” he said softly to her. “I shouldn't have touched you. It’s my fault.”</p><p>…</p><p>They walked to Janet’s office with space between them. She didn’t look at him. She didn’t allow her hand or arm to graze next to his. It was all different now.</p><p>Janet saw them both walk in together and she smiled. She was a little surprised Sam agreed to have Jack attend the ultrasound. She didn’t think Sam would be ready to see him quite yet. But she supposed Sam was a lot stronger than any of them realized.</p><p>She motioned them both into a private room. Janet looked at Sam with eyes that were asking her if it was OK for Jack to be there. Sam just nodded her head. Jack stood in the back of the room as Sam laid down on the table and lifted her shirt. </p><p>Sam had originally requested a civilian doctor out in town, but Janet convinced her at least for the first few months to stay with the SGC. Due to Sam’s experience with Jolinar, her body chemistry may show some things that no civilian doctor would understand. </p><p>“OK, you ready, Sam? It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these for a baby. Bear with me,” Janet admitted.</p><p>Jack just stood back and let Janet do her thing. Janet dimmed the lights in the room, and put the gel on Sam’s belly, then put the wand on her. She was busy clicking images and pushing buttons on the keyboard. Her face was smiling as she did her work. Sam kept looking at her asking her what was going on. Janet said to wait until she got some good pictures to explain them to Sam and Jack.</p><p>After about 5 minutes, Janet showed the pictures to them on the screen. Jack did not approach the bed where Sam laid because he didn’t want a repeat of the hallway, and he had an overwhelming desire to hold Sam’s hand through this. So he just stood against the wall.</p><p>Janet was explaining the pictures, showing the head, the feet, the hands, then it dawned on her. </p><p>“Wait a minute,” Janet said. She put the wand back on Sam and started to take measurements with the software. Janet’s head shot up to look directly at Jack. He became flushed and nervous.</p><p>“Janet, what?” Sam asked. Janet smiled big at Sam.</p><p>“Sam, I took measurements of your fetus. It’s just over 9 centimeters long,” she said, still smiling big, and looking over to Jack.</p><p>“So, is that good?” Sam asked. Janet looked directly into Sam’s eyes.</p><p>“Sam, this means you are in your third month. You are almost three months pregnant.”</p><p>She let those words sink in. Sam seemed to come to the same understanding as Janet. Sam began to cry. </p><p>“Janet, you can’t tell anyone, OK? You can’t let them know. Please,” Sam begged.</p><p>“Oh Sam, you know I won’t. Your secret is safe with me,” Janet said, holding Sam’s hand.</p><p>Jack was completely confused about what was going on. Sam looked over to him and saw his confusion.</p><p>“What are you talking about?” he asked.</p><p>“Jack, come here. Sit,” Sam requested. So he did. He sat next to Sam facing her so he could see and hear her as she spoke.</p><p>“Jack, this means I was already pregnant with your child before we went to that planet. This has nothing to do with what happened in that fortress,” she said, tears of relief falling down her face. She was looking at the monitor with the pictures of the ultrasound. She was getting choked up on her words. Then she looked right at him.</p><p>“This is what I was hoping for ever since I found out I was pregnant. This wasn’t Zipacna. Jack, this is all you,” she said, trying to smile through her tears. </p><p>Jack cleared this throat in an obvious move to keep from crying. It didn’t work. Janet saw what was happening and put the ultrasound wand back in its place.</p><p>“I’ll leave you two alone. Come get me when you are done. You have the room all day if you need it,” and she got up and closed the door behind her.</p><p>Sam and Jack both looked at each other. The room was charged with their emotions. Sam reached for his hand and he slowly took it. She let the sensation come over her. She didn’t get scared, so she intertwined her fingers in his. Nothing scary about that, either.</p><p>“I don’t know how long this is going to take for me to be comfortable around you again. I’m still jumping at certain sounds. I’m still having nightmares. I’m still trying to work through my intimacy issues with Doctor Madison. But what I do know is that I want you to be a part of our baby’s life,” Sam said.</p><p>“I’d like that very much, Sam,” he said. “I want that too.”</p><p>“OK. Then one thing at a time?” she asked.</p><p>“Yes, one thing, one day at a time,” he agreed. </p><p>She smiled at him, really smiled at him, for the first time since they’ve been back.</p><p>“This is nice,” she said, holding their hands up. It felt good holding his hand. He lifted the back of her hand to his lips and kissed her hand. She didn’t jump or pull back.</p><p>“Was that OK?” he asked.</p><p>“Ya, that time it was. I can’t promise the same reaction every time right now. I did almost hit you in the hall,” she said. They both giggled at that.</p><p>“Then we cross that bridge when we get there.”</p><p>…</p><p>A few hours later Janet realized she hadn’t seen either Sam or Jack since the ultrasound. She decided to check in on them. She cracked open the door to the room they were in. The lights were still dimmed. The machine had put itself into sleep mode. And apparently, the room’s occupants had also put themselves into sleep mode.</p><p>Sam was laid back against the semi-upright back of the hospital bed she was in. Her shirt was pulled back down, and a blanket laid over her. Jack was still at the side of her bed, his hand in hers, with his head laying on his other arm which was up on the small patch of mattress to the side of Sam’s hip. </p><p>Janet decided to just leave them be. They both desperately needed sleep. And if they could be this comfortable around each other, then she was going to leave them be. For the first time since Sam was back home, Janet thought her friend had a good chance at picking up some of the shattered parts of her life.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I don't feel as guilty now for the crap that is in my brain. This isn't to say Sam or Jack are out of the woods. But, there is a light in the tunnel now. Just not sure how long the tunnel is.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Trigger Warning. There's recollections and memories of torture and rape in this chapter. But, also, some healing begins.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Sam</b>
</p><p>
  <i>I can’t move him off of me! Oh my god he is really going to do this. No, Jack! Fight him! Don’t do this to me! Someone help me.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>How many times is this going to happen? Why? Jesus Christ someone help me. I can’t do this anymore. No, not anal. NO! Jack, stop. Please, stop! </i>
</p><p>
  <i>Holy shit that is Teal’c. He sees me naked. He knows what just happened. Oh my god, dad, no. Don’t come near me. Please leave.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>His eyes flash, and she feels like she’s being watched. Morrigan is licking my nipple as he is inside of me. I am aroused. Why am I aroused by this? I just came. Shit. Her eyes flash as she watches me come.</i>
</p><p>Sam is sweating and bolts up in bed. She sees yellow lights in her bedroom and immediately reaches for her gun and fires three shots, screaming for him to get away from her.</p><p>“No! Get out of my house!” she screams after she fires her gun. </p><p>She slowly comes out of her nightmare and is hyperventilating. She leans over her bed and throws up on the floor, her adrenaline starting to ebb. She picks up her phone and calls Janet.</p><p><i>‘Doctor Frasier,’</i> she said, answering her phone.</p><p>“Janet?” Sam asks with a shaking and tearful voice. </p><p>
  <i>’Sam, what’s wrong?’</i>
</p><p>“Janet, help me, please.”</p><p><i>’OK, Daniel is over and can stay with Cass. I’m on my way,’</i> Janet said.</p><p>“Is she OK?” Daniel asked.</p><p>“No. Nightmare. I have to go,” Janet said, kissing him briefly, then getting up to go straight to Sam.</p><p>…</p><p>Janet pulled up to Sam’s about fifteen minutes later. There was a police officer at her house, and Janet feared the worst. Janet approached the house carefully. She got to the door and called out to Sam.</p><p>“In here, Janet,” she heard Sam say.</p><p>Janet joined them in the living room. Sam was still visibly shaken. She was wrapped in a blanket and shaking.</p><p>“I’m her doctor. What has happened?” Janet asked.</p><p>“Neighbors heard shots fired and called. She said she had a nightmare and fired her gun.”</p><p>“Yes, she is a trauma victim in recovery. Her gun is registered and she is the owner. I’m aware she has a gun,” Janet replied.</p><p>“Alright. I will just file this as an accidental discharge. Should be no need for a follow up,” the officer said. “Here is my card if you need to have a police report for any reason,” he said, giving Janet the card.</p><p>“Thank you, Officer….Shannahan. We’ll be in touch if we need to,” and Janet showed him to the door and closed it.</p><p>She went back to Sam and sat next to her. Sam leaned into her and broke apart in her arms. Janet held her and let her cry. It was 3:30AM, and there was no rush to move or do anything right now. She was here for her friend.</p><p>“Janet, I shot at my nightlights. I thought they were her eyes.”</p><p>“Whose eyes?” Janet asked.</p><p>“Morrigan’s. The last two times before my rescue, he had her participate,” Sam said, burying her head into Janet’s shoulder. </p><p>“Her mouth was on me when he was inside me, and I had an orgasm. I didn’t want to. But it happened. Her eyes flashed. His hand was inside her, and he made her come. She looked at me and laughed as he got up off of me.”</p><p>Janet cried with Sam. It was all she could do.</p><p>“Do you want me to call Brenda? Doctor Madison?” Janet asked.</p><p>“No, she wants me to start writing this down, but I can’t. She keeps saying that speaking it or writing it makes it real, and helps to build a bridge to recovery. Janet, this hurts.”</p><p>“I can’t even imagine what you are going through, Sam. But talk to me if it helps you.”</p><p>“And I’m pregnant.”</p><p>“I know, sweetie.”</p><p>“It’s been two months now since I have been back. My first trimester is over. I have days that I don’t even want to think about, let alone see him. He’s the father of this baby. Janet, I loved him.”</p><p>“Sam, this won’t heal overnight. You need to give yourself time. And what do you mean ‘loved’ like past tense?”</p><p>“Come on, Janet! How can I be with him after what he did to him? He made him do and say things that destroyed me. I’m not sure I will come back from this.”</p><p>“If there is one thing I know, it is that Sam Carter is a fighter,” Janet said.</p><p>Sam fell asleep on the couch with Janet holding her. At least she got some sleep. Janet woke up the next morning and had to go home to get ready for work. She made sure Sam was OK. Sam told her Doctor Madison was coming over later that afternoon for their appointment. Sam hugged her friend goodbye and locked the door.</p><p>Sam sat at her kitchen counter wrapped in the blanket. She stared at the spiral notebook in front of her for about thirty minutes. Then she picked up a pen and started to write.</p><p>…</p><p>
  <b>Jack</b>
</p><p>“Come in,” Madison said.</p><p>“Hey Doc,” Jack said.</p><p>“Colonel, you’ve missed your appointments the past two weeks. What is going on?”</p><p>“Just throwing myself a pity party. That’s all.”</p><p>“Oh?”</p><p>Jack took in a deep breath.</p><p>“Ugh. Um, during the first Gulf War, I was shot down. I was a guest of the Iranian army. They did things to me.”</p><p>“What things, exactly?” Madison asked.</p><p>“Look, I’ve been through this already. It almost cost me my marriage. My son’s death was the last straw in my marriage, but it took me a year to get over my torture.”</p><p>“You still haven’t said what they did to you.”</p><p>“I think you can put two and two together.”</p><p>“Humor me.”</p><p>“Jesus, doc, they fucked my ass with whatever they could find, including themselves. I had cum in me and all over me multiple times a day. And yes, I had orgasms as they did this to my ass! Is this what you want to hear?”</p><p>Madison just looked at him like she was waiting for him to continue. And he did.</p><p>“They hooked me up to a car battery and shocked me in multiple places, including my balls. They hung me up by my wrists and beat me. They tied me up and kicked me around like a soccer ball. I had to find ways to survive. I took my mind to a different place. It was hard to come back from. Even when I was rescued and came home. </p><p>“I was afraid I’d hurt my wife. Some of the guys did hurt their family members. Thankfully, I never laid a finger on her. </p><p>“Before they took me and put him in me, I told Sam to find a way to take her mind somewhere else if they...Doc, never in a million years did I think I’d be the one to hurt her. Jesus Christ, how do I get through this?”</p><p>He broke down in her office. She let him cry for a while before speaking again.</p><p>“Jack, when you were in treatment before, did they make you say the words?”</p><p>He worried his hands in front of him after wiping his eyes.</p><p>“Yes, doc, I know I was raped. They walked me through it just as you are now.”</p><p>“Why can’t you admit it now?”</p><p>“Because it was <i>me</i> who was raping <i>her</i>!”</p><p>“Your mind was taken over by a sentient parasite. It took control of your body and your mind. It used you.”</p><p>“Yes. So what. As far as she is concerned, I did it.”</p><p>“Are you so sure about that? Jack, you were raped again. It’s going to take you both a long time to come through this. Sometimes writing things down helps to bring clarity to what happened. It can be very healing. I’d like you to try it. Write down anything you want. Bring it in and we can talk about it.”</p><p>“Maybe.”</p><p>“You need to admit what has happened to you or your anger will consume you like it did before. You can’t help her until you have helped yourself.”</p><p>Jack just looked at her nervously.</p><p>“How are your dreams, Jack?” she asked.</p><p>“Um, I still see and feel him.”</p><p>“Do they know how long that is supposed to last?”</p><p>“Not really. Sam indicated she has flashes of Jolinar from time to time. Maybe as the naquadah in my blood decreases it will get less and less. I don’t know. Why?”</p><p>“I’d like you to write down the times when you feel him or even see him in your reflection.”</p><p>“Alright. We done?”</p><p>“Yes, Jack, we are done for today. Come back at least next week, or when you need to.”</p><p>…</p><p>
  <b>Sam</b>
</p><p>After her gun incident, Sam had less nightmares. A week had passed, and Doctor Madison decided Sam can go to one or two sessions a week. She was back at work two days a week now, and can’t go back to full time without being cleared by Doctor Madison for her final psych eval. </p><p>On a bright, crisp Monday morning, she asked to see General Hammond. He had scheduled her in at noon. She was waiting in her lab when Teal’c came by to see her.</p><p>“MajorCarter. May I come in?” he asked.</p><p>“Of course, Teal’c. It’s really good to see you.”</p><p>“How is your therapy coming along?” he asked.</p><p>“Oh you know, as good as could be expected. Haven’t shot my house up again, so there’s that,” she said, trying to make a joke.</p><p>“Teal’c,” she started. She paused, and he just looked at her until he raised his eyebrow. “I never thanked you for saving me.”</p><p>“There is no need.”</p><p>“Yes, there is. Thank you. I know you saw me, in that room. I know that you know exactly what was happening to me. You’ve never said a word about it. But I saw it in your eyes. I heard you clear the room as I cowered on the bed. You protected me. You got him out of there for me. I don’t know if I’m ever going to be able to thank you enough,” she said, and walked to him and gave him a huge hug.</p><p>“You are like a sister to me, SamanthaCarter. I would do anything for you. I knew you needed me, and I did the only thing I could think of to make what happened easier on you. It will take you time to get over this. But I believe you and O’Neill’s love for each other will be stronger than this one day.”</p><p>“I wish I could believe that.”</p><p>“When you took me back here to Earth, you also knew of the atrocities I committed to countless women and men around the galaxy. You never once judged me for my past. I would ask that you try to find the space in your heart to forgive yourself, and then forgive O’Neill, for what has happened. The time may not now. But I believe the time will come.”</p><p>“Thank you. I’ve never thought of it like that. I’ll try. I have to go see General Hammond. Let’s have lunch later on.”</p><p>“I would like that very much,” and he bowed his head to her and she left to go see Hammond.</p><p>…</p><p>“Major, come in, please.”</p><p>“Thank you, sir.”</p><p>“What can I do for you today?”</p><p>“Sir, I’d like to be taken off of Gate rotations. Permanently.”</p><p>“Why? What’s going on?”</p><p>“Well, sir, think about it. I have a baby coming. The child will need a stable parent to come home to. I can’t be off traveling with the threat of being killed or worse over my head. And honestly, right now, sir, I am afraid to go.”</p><p>Hammond understood. She feared this happening again or worse, and leaving a child behind. But he can’t help but hope things will work out between her and Jack. But he’s just not sure how it can right now.</p><p>“I understand, Major. Why don’t we wait until you are cleared for active duty again first before we make any changes.”</p><p>“But sir,” he cut her off.</p><p>“Major, I can’t predict the future right now. We need to focus on getting you and Colonel O’Neill well before making changes. Teal’c and Daniel are already being parsed out to other teams while you are in recovery. You both are off Gate duty now. Please think this over first.”</p><p>“Yes, of course, thank you, sir.”</p><p>“Anything else?”</p><p>“No, sir.”</p><p>“Alright I’ll let you get back to work. And Major?”</p><p>She turned to face him one more time.</p><p>“I’m glad you are back.”</p><p>She looked at him and sensed his double meaning behind his words.</p><p>“Me too, sir. Me too,” and she left to return to her lab.</p><p>
  <b>Jack</b>
</p><p>Daniel found Jack outside on his deck drinking beer and staring at the stars. Daniel just got back from being off-world for four days. He walked around the house to find Jack and stepped up to the deck to sit next to him.</p><p>“Daniel.”</p><p>“Jack.”</p><p>“Welcome, have a seat. Beer in the fridge.”</p><p>“Thanks. How are you, Jack?”</p><p>Jack glanced over to Daniel. He’d been a good friend to Daniel over the years. As much as they get on each other’s nerves, Daniel was there for Jack when he was in a very dark spot in his life. Daniel saw something very similar in Jack’s eyes now.</p><p>“Not good, Daniel.”</p><p>“How’s Sam and the baby?”</p><p>“I don’t know. I haven’t seen her in weeks since the ultrasound. She would have been about 9 or 10 weeks at that time. Now she is 15 or 16 weeks, I don’t even know,” Jack choked up and threw his beer bottle into his yard. </p><p>He was angry. Daniel knew this was a dangerous place for Jack to be. He is glad he came over.</p><p>“He took this from me, Daniel. He took it all.”</p><p>“I know. I’m sorry. I know there’s nothing I can do or say to change it. But I’m here,” Daniel said quietly.</p><p>“He stole her. He stole my baby. Do you know he made me remember some of the things I did and said to her when I was raping her? He took my future. Goddammit, Daniel. How do I get through this?”</p><p>“First of all, you did not rape Sam. You, Jack O’Neill, would never hurt Sam. Zipacna did this.”</p><p>Daniel stopped to think of his past. Maybe there was something there to help Jack.</p><p>“When I lost Sha’re, I was so hopeful for so long that we’d find a way to get her back. They stole her from me. Then she had another man’s baby. Someone else touched my wife’s body as she was held hostage, then got her pregnant. The way Amaunet looked at me was meant to hurt me and break me. And it broke me, Jack, just like this has broken you and Sam.”</p><p>“Fuck, Daniel. This hurts. It really hurts.”</p><p>“I know it does. Jack,” Daniel started. He paused and was cautious about asking the next question.</p><p>“What?” Jack asked.</p><p>“Do you still love her?”</p><p>Jack looked at his friend with tears starting to form in his eyes. Did he still love Sam? He wondered if he ever stopped loving Sam. He looked straight at Daniel. His voice broke, and all the pent up anger, frustration, sadness, and mourning came out in one word.</p><p>“Yes,” Jack said in a rough, painful voice, and for the first time in Jack’s life, he broke down in front of a friend, and let his honesty pour out of him through his tears. </p><p>Daniel let him cry and was just present for his friend. He only cried for about five minutes.  But it was enough. </p><p>“Jack, this is going to be with you a long time. But you have to find it in you to forgive yourself. Even though it wasn’t your fault you were taken. Even though it wasn't your fault they put a snake in you. Even though they weren’t your words or you making the actions of your body with Sam. You are hanging on to the guilt as if it is yours. Jack, look at me.”</p><p>Jack wiped his face with his hands and looked over to his friend.</p><p>“It’s not your fault. Forgive yourself, Jack. If you love her, find a way.”</p><p>Jack cried again, and Daniel stayed by his side until Jack walked into his house and went to bed.</p><p>…</p><p>
  <b>Sam</b>
</p><p>“I think I’m ready to start seeing him on a regular basis,” Sam told Madison.</p><p>“Why do you think that?”</p><p>“Haven’t you been reading my journal?”</p><p>“I have, but why don’t you tell me,” Madison smiled at Sam. </p><p>“You’re really good at pushing this stuff out of me. I think I want to see him because he is the father of this baby.”</p><p>“Anything else, Sam?”</p><p>Sam fidgeted in her seat. She looked down at her hands in her lap.</p><p>“I miss him,” Sam said in a whispered voice. “I’m almost five months pregnant. We’ve both missed out on so much already.”</p><p>“Do you want others around, or do you think you can be alone with him?”</p><p>“I don’t know. I know I am not ready or remotely close to be ready for intimacy of any sort.”</p><p>“No, I wouldn’t imagine that you are. That is a completely different set of counseling and therapy methods,” Madison said with a smile. It made Sam smile. Madison hadn’t seen Sam smile in months.</p><p>“Maybe I could meet him in my lab at first. You know, like when we first met? I feel like we’d be starting over.”</p><p>“That actually sounds good, Sam. Let me know if you want me there.”</p><p>“I will. Thank you.”</p><p>“So. How is everything else going?”</p><p>“Um, I don’t know. Nightmares aren’t as scary. The baby doesn’t seem to have been affected by the torture I endured. I still get angry.”</p><p>“What do you get angry about?”</p><p>“Him. What he did to me. The things he said to me.”</p><p>“Sam, who is ‘him’ you get angry with?”</p><p>“Why do you keep doing this to me?” Sam said loudly.</p><p>“Because, after these past few months, you still haven’t said it. Who, Sam? Who are you really angry with?”</p><p>“The Goa’uld! Who do you think?”</p><p>“Are you sure about that?” Madison probed.</p><p>“Yes! He stole my future! He took that body and used it against me! He took that voice and undid my soul with his words. Zipacna hurt me in ways that still make me sick. Yes I am angry at him!”</p><p>Sam started to shake and cry. She suddenly looked at Doctor Madison. A horrible realization flooded her that never occurred to her before. Her mind was reeling around something that crept up through the fog in her mind. </p><p>“Yes, Sam, say it. It’s OK. Let it out,” Madison said.  </p><p>Sam’s stomach churned. She felt like she was going to throw up. She pulled her legs up on the couch and hugged her knees with her arms. She rested her head on her knees and looked at Doctor Madison. She had fear in her eyes as she spoke.</p><p>“I’m angry with Jack,” Sam finally admitted.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>No real triggers in this chapter, at least I don't think. There is a cute moment, finally, but they are not quite out of the woods yet.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Sam and Jack</b>
</p><p>The following Monday Sam wanted to meet with Jack in her lab. She requested Doctor Madison be present, however, not necessarily right next to them. The doctor was sitting in a chair towards the back of Sam’s lab. Sam was at her desk staring at the computer screen. She had some work displayed on the screen, but her mind was already in another place.</p><p>She was remembering all the times Jack used to come to see her in her lab. He’d sometimes knock, making her look up before saying a word. That used to make her smile. There were other times where he’d leave her notes telling her to eat, or to go home. He’d come in and pick up her doohickeys and try to pretend he understood what they were.</p><p>Then there were the times he’d come in and they both would just talk.  They realized that they were becoming more than just coworkers, and really more than friends. After the za’tarc test, something changed inside of each one of them. She tried to ignore it. She tried to ignore it even after their memories were stamped and they spent intimate moments as Johah and Thera. </p><p>It wasn’t until she almost lost him and Teal’c in the glider that she realized she couldn’t ignore her heart any more. He came to her house the night he was released from medical. She opened the door and stared at him on her doorstep. Neither one of them spoke a single word. She simply took his hand and led him to her bedroom.  She let him know that night he made love to her. She was in love with him.</p><p>It didn’t happen often after that. But it happened enough that they grew to deeply love one another. And now she felt that love was fractured and shattered. She was angry with him. She was angry <i>at</i> him. She knew it may be an irrational anger. But, this is part of her new life now. She desperately wanted to go back to how things were before. She heard a knock on the door and looked up.</p><p>“Hey,” she said, not smiling this time.</p><p>“Hey,” he said, walking into the room. “How are you doing?” he asked.</p><p>“Good, I guess. Can you shut my door, please?”</p><p>He closed the door and made his way to a chair that was on the other side of her table desk where she was sitting. </p><p>“The baby is well, too,” she said softly.</p><p>“Good, thank you. It’s good to see you again. You look great.”</p><p>“Thanks,” she said a bit bashful. “So how are you doing?”</p><p>They both looked at each other. They could see the pain in each other’s eyes. They were both broken and lost.</p><p>“It hurts, Sam,” he said just loud enough for her to hear. She looked up at him and saw his eyes trying to hold back his emotions.</p><p>“I know,” she whispered back. </p><p>Something inside of her compelled her to stand up. Doctor Madison also stood from her seat and quietly made her way towards them, not really knowing what was going on.</p><p>Sam walked around the table and stood in front of Jack, closer than she has been since this whole thing began. He could see the changes in her body. She had a baby bump already. He felt like he’s missed out on so much of her pregnancy. She looked at him again. Tears threatened them both.</p><p>“I’ve realized that I am angry with you, not just angry at Zipacna. But I am angry. At you, Jack,” she said softly.</p><p>His breath hitched, and he started to breathe faster.</p><p>“I know. Deep down, I know you are. I tried to fight him, Sam,” and they both broke down. </p><p>She closed the distance between them both, and she wrapped her arms around him and just cried. He let out a wail as he held her and cried out his own pain. They stood there in her lab with the door closed purging the past few month’s worth of pain and sorrow with each other. Neither one of them said a word. Neither one of them had to speak. Their cries said all they needed to say to each other.</p><p>Doctor Madison moved herself to the door so she could keep it closed if anyone came by. She knew the cameras were still on, but she couldn't do anything about that now. She let Sam and Jack have their moment. She was smiling inside because this was progress in the right direction.</p><p>“I’m so sorry,” he whispered a few times as he held her.</p><p>Sam pressed back on his chest to give herself a little bit of room to talk to him, but she didn’t really let go of him. Doctor Madison was watching all of it.</p><p>“I don’t know how to move forward right now. With you, I mean. Like on a personal level. But I do know I want you involved in our baby’s life. From now on I would like you at all of my appointments, and if you are comfortable, I’d like you to be there when the baby is born,” Sam said.</p><p>Jack trembled at this news. This was more than he expected from this meeting today.</p><p>“I’d like that, too, Sam. I have wanted that since the day I found out you were pregnant. Thank you,” he said. He also wasn’t letting go of her. </p><p>“So now what?” Sam asked.</p><p>“So now, the two of you establish the boundaries each of you has been writing in your journals and talking to me about,” Doctor Madison said. She took a few steps away from the door and towards them.</p><p>“We can take this to my office if you like, or, we can set up here and lock your door,” she added.</p><p>Sam’s hands were now laying on Jack’s chest. This was the closest and most intimate she has been with him since her captivity.</p><p>“You both look comfortable with each other right now as you are, so I’d rather not have you move if you are comfortable. This is the most progress you have made together. This is good, but you both need to establish boundaries moving forward. Sam, why don’t you go first and share what you’ve been sharing with me,” Madison said.</p><p>Sam averted her eyes from Jack’s and stared straight in his chest.</p><p>“I’m in no shape physically or mentally to enter back into an intimate relationship with you. He stole that from me, and it is one of the reasons I’m angry at you.”</p><p>“Of course. It messed me up too, Sam. I’m not ready, either.”</p><p>“Good, no intimacy until you are both ready,” Madison said. “Jack, how about you go next.”</p><p>“I have asked to retire, again,” he said.</p><p>“What? Why?” Sam asked. She took a step back from him, which separated them from each other.</p><p>“Sam, because no matter what happens to us as friends, or maybe as a couple again in the future, our baby is going to need a parent who is not off traipsing the galaxy every week. The baby will need stability. If I retire, the baby has a full time parent.”</p><p>“That’s very noble of you, but I’ve already asked Hammond to be taken off of Gate duty permanently. I’ll be home every night. You can keep your job, Jack. You are destined for so much more,” Sam implored.</p><p>“If anyone is destined for greatness, it’s you. I’ve done my bit for king and country. I’ve retired once already.”</p><p>“Alright, kids, let’s file this for a joint session at some point in the not too distant future. Sam, you are, what, 18 weeks pregnant now?”</p><p>“Yes, why?”</p><p>“OK, then we can discuss your career plans soon, but today, let’s focus on the two of you and set boundaries. Sam, you’re next,” Madison said.</p><p>“I am still angry at you,” she said looking back to Jack, “I can’t explain why, but only that I am. I can’t promise you I won’t lash out at you. I can’t promise every time I see you it will be easy. But I can promise you that I am working on getting better.”</p><p>“Good, OK, Jack? Anything else?” Madison asked.</p><p>“I will let you know when you do or say something that makes me upset or flashes me back to memories I’d rather not have. I expect the same from you in return. If I do something wrong, I really need you to stop and say something right away. I’m also still very raw and I hurt.”</p><p>“OK, that’s fair. I agree to try. You know I can be a little bit stubborn at times,” she said, smiling at him.</p><p>He hadn’t seen her smile in months, and it made him smile back at her.</p><p>“God, Sam, it’s good to see you smile,” he said, reaching to touch her cheek. She pulled back quickly and her eyes got wide. Doctor Madison took a step forward.</p><p>“I’m sorry. I didn’t expect that to happen. OK, new boundary. No sudden movements towards my head, and how about just not reaching to me in intimate ways unless I originate the move,” Sam said.</p><p>“OK, of course, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you,” Jack said.</p><p>“Sam, do you know why you had that reaction?” Madison asked.</p><p>“I don’t know, maybe because during my torture, they hit me and put the pain stick on my neck,” Sam said.</p><p>Jack flinched when he heard her say that. </p><p>“I would never do anything to hurt you,” he said. His words made Sam back up a little more.</p><p>“I’m still working through all of this and may not react how I have in the past. At least he never talked to me in your voice,” she said, and started to cry again.</p><p>Sam hesitantly reached out for Jack’s hand.</p><p>“I’m doing the best I can,” she said softly, holding his hand.</p><p>“I know. Me, too,” he followed. </p><p>They stared at each other again. This time, their eyes were just a little brighter than when they first started this conversation. They both still had a long way to go.</p><p>…</p><p>Sam and Jack continued to see each other at work. They would meet up with Daniel and Teal’c for lunch when they were on Earth. They had more than a few moments where each of them would have flashbacks, or where Sam would lash out for no apparent reason. Doctor Madison was always there for them. They were willing to work through their issues separately, and find their way back to at least being friends. </p><p>But Jack was already starting to feel the pull that he wanted more. He wanted to go back to having her as his friend and lover. She’s the mother of his child, and he wants to have it all. He knows right now that it is just not possible. So each week he spends the time with Sam that she allows, and just takes the moments they can get. He’s still so very protective of her.</p><p>…</p><p>The second week after setting their boundaries, they agreed to meet in public at Garden of the Gods to go for a walk in the great Colorado outdoors. They walked slowly side by side, talking and laughing. They would talk about the early days when they first met each other. She thought he was a cocky ass, and he thought she was a no-good scientist. </p><p>But they both agreed in those early days that they were immediately attracted to each other in both the physical and emotional way. They both knew they could grow to be friends. And now they both agreed that they would work on getting back to being friends.</p><p>…</p><p>The third week after setting boundaries, he met her at her place and they walked across the street to the park there and walked along the paths and around the water. She reached for his hand, and allowed him to hold her hand as they walked. To any outside observer, they’d see them as a couple, with her getting ready to have his baby. But to them, they were still getting to know each other in their new normal.</p><p>…</p><p>The fourth week after setting boundaries, Sam was now 22 weeks pregnant. It was time for her developmental ultrasound. Jack had met her outside Janet’s office, and they both waited for Janet to get done with post-mission checks on SG-8. Daniel was with them this time, and Jack noticed Janet touching Daniel’s knee a little too familiar as she said goodbye to him as he jumped off the hospital bed.</p><p>“Hey, did you see that?” Jack asked Sam.</p><p>“See what?”</p><p>“Frasier looked a bit cozy with Daniel just now,” Jack said with a little smirk.</p><p>“Jack! Shush! You seriously didn’t know?” Sam asked him quietly.</p><p>“Know what?” he asked.</p><p>Sam looked at him with a huge smile on her face. Her eyes were bright and blue for the first time in god knows how long. Jack’s heart melted when he saw her face like that.</p><p>“Jack, they’ve been together for almost six months now! Now shush and we can talk about it later,” she said, still with that smile that lights up his world. </p><p>For the first time in a very long time, Sam actually felt happy.</p><p>…</p><p>Janet brought them in for her ultrasound. Janet brought in an obstetrician who was able to be cleared for the Stargate Program to help her with Sam’s development and delivery. Janet had not ever delivered a baby before, and never had to deal with the unique blood chemistry Sam had due to being a host briefly to Jolinar. </p><p>Sam hopped up on the table and lifted her shirt, and lowered the tops of her pants down. Janet dimmed the lights. Jack looked down at Sam and inhaled deeply. The noise caught her attention.</p><p>“What?” Sam asked.</p><p>“You’re beautiful,” he whispered without thinking.</p><p>She just looked up at him and smiled. A real smile again. She didn’t want this feeling to end. She was tired of being scared. She was tired of feeling like she couldn’t make progress. She was just tired. But experience over the past few weeks has shown her her ups come with pretty heavy downs.</p><p>Her obstetrician’s name was Doctor Fowler. She came in from Bethesda Naval Hospital north of Washington DC. The ultrasound started, and Jack moved closer to Sam’s side. He went to reach for her hand and she pulled back. And there it was. Her high had turned into a low, right during her ultrasound.</p><p>She didn’t look at him right away. She kept her eyes on the monitor, trying to hold back her tears. But her floodgates opened, and Janet was also by her side, right next to Jack.</p><p>“What’s wrong?” Janet asked.</p><p>“I don’t know, today I can’t let him touch me,” she said, trying to look at Janet. But her eyes kept wanting to look at Jack.</p><p>“It’s OK, Sam. This is all normal. You knew you were going to have bad days,” Janet said.</p><p>“I’m so sorry. I felt like I was making good progress. I’m sorry,” she said over again.</p><p>‘It’s OK. I’m OK. No need to worry,” Jack said, although he was a little sad she had such a strong reaction to him for something she let him do a week or two ago.</p><p>“Do you want to stop the ultrasound?” Doctor Fowler asked.</p><p>“No. No, let’s do this. Can we get pictures?” Sam asked quietly.</p><p>“Of course. Do you want to know what you are having?” Fowler asked.</p><p>At the very same time, Sam said no, Jack said yes. Their answers made Sam stop crying, and she looked up at Jack. She actually let out a small laugh.</p><p>“I’d rather not know, Jack,” she said.</p><p>“How about having the doctor write it on a piece of paper and sealing it in an envelope. I’ll keep it. Then if you change your mind, we can open it together,” Jack said.</p><p>Janet looked at Doctor Fowler and smiled at her when Jack said that. </p><p>Sam smiled at Jack a little bit. Not quite her huge one from before, but enough that her eyes sparkled. </p><p>“That is kind of cute, Jack. Like romantic and stuff,” Sam teased, but in a good way.</p><p>“Well, you are the mother of my child,” he said right back to her. </p><p>And then they felt like they were the only two people in the room. They looked at each other again, and saw more healing. His gaze was intense, but she wasn’t scared. Her eyes sparkled like an open wormhole in the Stargate. </p><p>She went home that night feeling good. Better than in previous weeks. Doctor Madison told her she was most likely experiencing depression, which is quite normal for the healing process. There was no way to tell how many times Sam would fall into sadness. Madison encouraged her to keep writing. And Sam swore the writing was helping her.</p><p>Finding out the baby was healthy was a huge relief to both Sam and Jack. Now they knew for sure that the toruture didn’t affect the baby’s development. Jack had taken the sealed envelope with him. She really thought that was sweet of him to offer to do that. Maybe one day when it’s just the two of them, she will ask to open the envelope with him. Sam finally felt like she had hope. </p><p>…</p><p>
  <b>Jack</b>
</p><p>“I guess today I just want to know why I got upset when she pulled back when I tried to hold her hand during the ultrasound the other day,” he told Madison.</p><p>“Do you remember anything from when you came back from Iran?” </p><p>“Some of it. Why?”</p><p>“Do you remember how you reacted when your wife tried to reach out to you to hold your hand, or try to get intimate?”</p><p>“Oh. Ya. So same thing, I guess. I’m sorry,” he said.</p><p>“Don’t be sorry, Jack. You’re learning your new normal just like she is. I also would imagine it took you a long time before you were able to make love to your wife again?”</p><p>“Ya, about a year,” Jack harrumphed. “I need to be more patient with her. With Sam, I mean.”</p><p>“You need to also be more patient with yourself. You are still hanging on to a lot of guilt, shame, and blame.”</p><p>“That obvious, doc?” Jack tried to joke.</p><p>“From what I understand, normally the host body never is separated from the Goa’uld. They either get killed in some battle, or just go off and conquer the galaxy.”</p><p>“Right. So what’s your point?” Jack asked.</p><p>“My point is that even after everything he put Sam and you through, she chose to save you. I can’t even begin to put myself in her shoes. But, I’ve been raped before. I’m pretty sure I would not have been so kind to my attacker, even knowing it was not him in control. She made a conscious choice to save you, Jack. That alone should give you something to focus your healing on.”</p><p>Jack thought about Doctor Madison’s words. He’d let himself get selfish lately. Of course he knew Sam chose to have him taken to Cimmeria. He was told that, and woke up there with Teal’c. But, to hear it phrased in the context of Sam’s state of mind and body when she made that choice, it gave Jack the first glimmer of hope he has had since this happened to them.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Trigger: Extreme anger. Sadness. Release. </p><p>Happy Triggers: Some real cute gooey goodness.</p><p>I'm on the motorcycle again this weekend, so I'm not sure I'll be updating any of the three things I've got in the works right now. I will bring my computer but not sure I'll get to write or not. I hope you like where this story his headed now. It's been a rough journey for me as well.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Sam and Jack</b>
</p><p>Sam was in her seventh month of pregnancy. Sam was still seeing Doctor Madison once a week. Their conversations were mostly about her anger and trying to find what it was that was causing her so much anger towards Jack. Other conversations started to wander into intimacy issues and how to overcome them. Sam still had the anger issues towards Jack and wondered if they’d ever have a future where they could return to the intimacy they once shared.</p><p>She and Jack were still spending time together. Saturday morning he was supposed to go to her house and they would walk in the park in the morning. But Jack had another idea. </p><p>He knocked on her front door. She didn’t come to the door like she normally does when she knows he is coming over. After a few minutes, he knocked again, harder this time. And he waited. He checked his watch to make sure it was the right time. He saw her car in the drive. She had to be home.</p><p>He took his phone out and called her. He got her voice mail. He knocked even louder now, and called her name. Maybe she was in the shower. So he waited. Then knocked again.</p><p>More time than normal for a person to answer a door had now passed and he started to panic. He went down her front steps to go start looking in her windows to see if he could see anything. Her blinds or curtains were all pulled. Then he remembered her key. They all have keys to each other’s homes. He took his key out, and quietly entered her home, senses on full alert.</p><p>He closed the door and made his way down her hallway towards her bedroom. He remembered the times he was here with her as she led him down this hallway. They were better times back then. Happier times. He still loved her so very much.</p><p>He slowly put his head in the partially open crack of her bedroom door. Inside the room he saw her curled up on her side, still sleeping. She looked absolutely beautiful. He also noticed a soft light and a noise coming from a small box on the table next to her bed. His ears recognized it as some sort of a soft static noise generator. Maybe this helped her to sleep. He watched her sleep for a few minutes before leaving her alone to wake up on her own.</p><p>He left her to sleep and went out to her kitchen to make himself some coffee. He also prepped her tea kettle and found her stash of herbal teas. He checked her fridge for food, and found eggs and bacon. She also had some English Muffins and cheese. He decided to make his version of McDonald’s Egg McMuffins for them both. He was pretty sure all of those foods were OK for a lovely pregnant lady to eat.</p><p>…</p><p>Sam woke startled and bolted straight up in bed. She heard noises in her kitchen and looked at her clock. It was an hour past when Jack was supposed to pick her up and go for their morning walk. She smelled coffee and her heart slowed down when she realized that must be him in her kitchen. She smiled and stretched at that thought, then realized she had to pee very badly. </p><p>She was very pregnant now, and she had to already buy new clothes to accommodate her changing body.  After she got done peeing, she looked at herself in the mirror as she washed her hands. Her face was rounder than normal. Her breasts were larger. Her fingers and toes felt swollen. </p><p>She stood back and lifted her shirt to look at her belly. She rubbed one hand on her belly as she watched herself in the mirror. A baby. She was going to have a baby. She was going to have Jack’s baby, and it was already determined that she was pregnant before she was captured. This baby was truly made out of love.</p><p>She put on a pair of sweatpants that very well may actually belong to Jack, and padded her way to the kitchen. He was humming or singing as she rounded the corner to see him cooking in her kitchen.</p><p>“Good morning,” she said, smiling at him.</p><p>“Ah! Carter! Sit. Good morning.”</p><p>“I’m sorry I overslept. I can be ready quickly if you still want to go for our walk,” she said.</p><p>“Sit first. Then eat. C’mon. Sit. Please. Let me do this for you,” he looked at her, and urged her to sit at the island in her kitchen.</p><p>Her insides did a flip when she looked at how he was looking at her, and how he was trying his best to take care of her. She looked down quickly when she realized her reaction was one of attraction and arousal. Then she sat down and waited for him to finish breakfast.</p><p>“I found these teas in your cupboard. Is there one you prefer?” he asked.</p><p>“In the mornings I like the peppermint. Helps wake me up a little. Thank you,” she said with a soft, thankful voice.</p><p>“Anytime, Carter. Anytime,” he said with a smile.</p><p>He finished assembling his ‘Jack McMuffins’ and plated them and joined her at the island to eat. She glanced sideways at him and smiled.</p><p>“This is nice. Reminds me of other times,” she said quietly to him.</p><p>He instinctively put his hand on her back and caressed it. He felt her stiffen. Then he immediately pulled his hand back.</p><p>“Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you. It was more an automatic response to you than anything else,” he admitted.</p><p>“It’s OK, I’m fine. And thank you,” she said, looking to him and placing a hand on his forearm in a reassuring way.</p><p>She realized that her reaction was again one of familiarity and attraction. She didn’t know why this was happening. She wasn’t ready to have sex. Can’t really even think about it right now. And, she was pregnant, afterall. Who’d want to have sex with a huge pregnant woman?</p><p>They continued to eat. She was making grunts of approval at the taste of her food.</p><p>“Wow dis is weawy good,” she said with a mouthful of food. </p><p>She laughed with him as they ate. After they finished, he took their dishes and got himself another cup of coffee.</p><p>“Would you like more tea?” he asked.</p><p>“Yes, please.”</p><p>He readied the tea as he talked to her about his alternate idea for the day.</p><p>“Sam, listen, I had another idea for today other than going on our walk. And it’s OK if you say no. I can do it with the guys if you want. So no matter what we will still go on our walk,” she had to stop and interrupt him.</p><p>“Jack, you are rambling. Whatever it is, you can tell me,” she said with a smile.</p><p>“OK. So I was thinking.”</p><p>“Isn’t that supposed to be my thing?” she said jokingly. He smiled.</p><p>“Funny. Anyways, maybe do you want to go shopping for baby furniture? You know, for the baby?”</p><p>She looked at him as he spoke. He was nervous. Jack O’Neill was nervous. She supposed it was because what he was asking was a rather intimate thing that a normal couple would do when they were expecting a baby. She felt it, too.</p><p>“Why Colonel O’Neill. I do believe that is the sweetest thing you have ever asked me to do with you. Well, second sweetest,” she said, and immediately her face flushed red and she couldn’t believe she just said that last part. She looked down at her tea cup.</p><p>He didn’t miss a beat, seeing how embarrassed she made herself with her comment. He let out a small laugh, though, and she heard it.</p><p>“Is that a yes?” he asked.</p><p>She composed herself again and looked up at him.</p><p>“Yes. I guess it’s about time. I’ve been so busy with Madison and trying to pull my life together that I had forgotten the baby will need things. Thank you, Jack. Why don’t I go get ready and we can go?” she asked.</p><p>“Sure. I’ll clean up in here. I’ll be out here,” he said.</p><p>She scooted off of the high-back chair on her island table, and went to put her cup in the sink. At the same time she was going to the sink, Jack reached up to put the tea back into the cupboard. The movement was fast, and it caught Sam off guard, and she rounded on him and hit his arm back and away from her, then pushed him into the counter with her other hand. It was a defensive move intended to disarm another person. </p><p>He looked at her and her eyes flared with fear. She was fully on guard right now. So he froze until she came back from her heightened state. He had far more years and experience of self defense and close combat training for her to actually hurt him, but he stopped and waited anyways, not sure what she was going to do.</p><p>“Why are you being nice to me?” she asked.</p><p>“Sam?” he asked, very confused as to what was going on.</p><p>“Why? Why are you doing nice things for me?” she yelled louder now.</p><p>He slowly lowered his arm and tried to back out of the space she had him pinned into. He could easily force his way out, but this was not a time to make defensive moves on her.</p><p>“Sam, I don’t understand what is going on. Talk to me,” he said softly.</p><p>“I don’t deserve your kindness.”</p><p>Then something sparked inside of her. </p><p>“Right now I want to hit you so hard and make you hurt! I hate you! I hate what you have done to us!” </p><p>He could feel her hand was shaking in anger as she pressed it harder into his chest. Her words cut him like a knife. </p><p>“You were supposed to protect me! You should have fought them! You should have let them kill you rather than let them do what they did to me! You should have killed <i>me</i>!”</p><p>She backed away from him and looked at him. His eyes turned to compassion as he listened to her. He was hurt, too. But he was also the reason for her anger. </p><p>“You should have killed me, Jack. You should have fought harder! Why? Why did you let this happen? I didn’t deserve this! I hate you. He made me hate you!”</p><p>She rounded and went to hit him. He was fast enough to catch her arm. </p><p>“No! You sonofabitch! Let me hit you! Let me hit you! Goddammit!”</p><p>She fell to the floor on her hands and knees and cried. He had never heard her cry like this before. He had no idea what to do. Watching her broke his heart. He did the only thing he could think of. He sat on the floor with her. He put his back up against her refrigerator and just sat with her as she cried.</p><p>She must have known he slumped to the floor. She crawled over to him and fell into his arms. She draped her legs sideways over his left leg, and laid almost in an upright fetal position against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and let her cry.</p><p>It was a cleansing cry, deep, deep within her soul. He cried with her. Her words had stung him, but really he knew one day they would come out of her. He’d known how angry she was. It just took her a few months for it to finally boil over. </p><p>She had no idea how long she cried for. She didn’t even remember crawling to him and having him hold her while she cried. Her words came back to her now. She remembered how she lashed out at him with her anger. She didn’t really hate him, but this was months of emotion built up and finally her dam broke. </p><p>She was breathing normal again. He was still holding her, and she liked how he felt around her. She didn't want to move, but her butt was asleep, and the position was making her and the baby uncomfortable. Her head was still against his chest, with her ear on his right shoulder, her face towards his neck. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” she whispered. </p><p>He felt her breath along his neck and sternum. He wrapped his arms tighter around her. He caressed her back.</p><p>“I’m the one who should be sorry. You need to know that I did want to die. I’d have much rather died than let them do what they did,” his voice cracked and he started to cry again.</p><p>“Sam, you have to know I would never hurt you. They had to steal me and put a demon inside of me to hurt you. I would have taken death over what happened to you if given the option.”</p><p>“Do you think things will ever get back to how they were?” she asked.</p><p>“Um, no. I don’t think they can. But, things will get better and they will be different. I think we will both be changed forever. But, I think we can still find a way to be together. We’ll sort of be together for at least the next eighteen years or so anyways,” he said. He could feel her smile into his skin.</p><p>“I don’t really hate you, Jack,” she said quietly.</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>“But I do need to get up. My ass is asleep and the baby is not happy like this.”</p><p>She scooted out from between his legs and rolled to one side to grab the island to help her stand up. She reached a hand down to help him up off her floor. </p><p>They stood in front of each other. She looked into his eyes and was so grateful that Zipacna never used his eyes against her. She loved his eyes. So deep. So dark. So full of secrets. And so full of love.</p><p>She reached up and put a hand on his cheek. She smiled. She was comfortable with this. She felt a rush of arousal again. She figured it was the pregnancy hormones turning her to jelly. </p><p>“Jack. Do you have the envelope with you?” she asked. He knew exactly what envelope she was talking about.</p><p>“I do. I carry it with me just in case. Why?”</p><p>“I think I want to know.”</p><p>“Are you sure?” he asked. </p><p>“Yes, I think for the next three months I will need it to help me. To help us.”</p><p>He reached into his back pocket and took out the folded envelope. He unfolded it and handed it to her.</p><p>“Why don’t we go sit down,” he said, indicating to move to her couch.</p><p>They walked to the couch and sat down. She immediately leaned into him, and he put an arm around her. She brought one foot up under her, and pressed that thigh against his. She was as close to him as she could get. She tilted her head to the side, and let her ear fall to his shoulder. </p><p>“You ready?” she asked.</p><p>“Are you?”</p><p>She flipped the envelope around in her hands a few times. She started to open it, then stopped a few times. </p><p>“I’ve always imagined not knowing and letting the birth be the surprise. But when you came up with the envelope idea, it really melted my heart. I think this is very kind of you to do, and it is romantic. Who knew?” she joked, and lightly jabbed her elbow into his side as she looked at him. He laughed.</p><p>Their faces were very close to each other now. She quickly averted her eyes when she saw the intensity in his eyes as he looked at her. She looked at the envelope. He had written “Carter-O’Neill Baby” on the outside, and she just noticed that.</p><p>“Jack,” she whispered as she saw it. </p><p>He saw what she was looking at. He saw a few tears drop down her cheek. His kindness was sometimes overwhelming to her. </p><p>“Well, shall we then?” she asked.</p><p>“We shall,” he replied with a smile.</p><p>Her fingers slowly went under the tab of the envelope and began to tear it. She got it opened enough that she could reach in to grab the paper within. When she removed the small piece of paper, it was face down. She put it against his thigh.</p><p>“Ready?” she asked him. He nodded his head.</p><p>She flipped the paper over on this thigh and removed her hand. They both looked at the paper and inhaled deeply. Overcome with emotion, he wrapped his arms around her again, and held her tight. She fell into his embrace and held him any way she could at this angle. </p><p>“My god, Sam,” he whispered.</p><p>She sat up and looked at him. He also had tears in his eyes. She leaned in and put her forehead onto his. She inhaled deeply and she could smell him. She put one hand up on his cheek and held him. </p><p>“I can’t believe this. I used to dream about this when I was little. Now it’s coming true with you,” she said.</p><p>“I never thought I’d get a second chance. We’ll figure this out. We’ll get better at this. And now we will have baby….” he stopped, not knowing if she had thought of names yet. She sat up and looked at him.</p><p>“Hope. Baby Hope. Hope O’Neill. I’ve thought about it a lot already,” she smiled at him.</p><p>He could not have imagined a more perfect name for their baby girl. They both had some more healing to do. But the one thing they both had found over the past month or two was hope that their future would be different. Hope that their future will be better. It will never be the same as it was before. But they always hoped that they could figure something out. Now they would both truly have Hope in their lives.</p><p>“I love it. Hope sounds perfect to me,” he said smiling back at her.</p><p>She fell back onto his chest and cried a little more. She figured about 20 minutes had passed. She thought about getting up to get changed so they could go shopping for Hope. </p><p>“I still love you,” he said softly into her hair.</p><p>She sat back up again and faced him. She stared into his eyes. She glanced down at the paper that was still on his thigh. All the paper said was “Baby Girl.” She looked back at him. He looked so tired. But he looked happy. She slowly leaned in and feathered her lips onto his.</p><p>It was soft. It was gentle. It was hesitant. It was loving. It was short. She pulled back to look at him.</p><p>“I love you, too. I’ve never stopped. Not even when you were him.”</p><p>He pulled her back into his chest and held her again. They must have fallen asleep because when she woke up, her clock said 11:30. She shook him awake and they smiled at each other.</p><p>“I guess I’ll go get ready now and we can go buy Hope some stuff.” </p><p>She touched his nose with her finger and got up off of him and her couch. They both smiled at each other. She was having a baby girl. His baby girl. Their baby girl. Things felt right again after months of not knowing which end was up. Baby Hope was giving them both hope that they could work out their futures together. </p><p>She got ready to leave with him to go shopping. As she turned after locking her house up for the day, he placed his hand on her lower back and walked her to his truck. He helped her step up into the cab. He may have held her hand a few seconds longer than we necessary. As he walked around the front of the truck to get into the driver’s seat, she watched him. </p><p>He was still incredible to her. Of course he was very handsome. She was extremely attracted to him. She saw he still carried himself with confidence, and she knew he had a strong personality at work. He was a Colonel and had to present a strong image to their coworkers. </p><p>But deep down, she got to see a side to him that no one else did. She saw his gentleness. She saw his tenderness. She got to feel his embrace. Sam realized that day that she never stopped loving Jack O’Neill. Maybe accepting that she loved him, even through the pain, that her healing was on the up now, instead of still down somewhere where she was trying to claw out of. </p><p>But one thing she was certain of again. She wanted this man in her life. He got in his seat and looked over to her and smiled.</p><p>“Ready?” he asked. </p><p>“For you? Always,” she replied.</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Getting closer to Sam's due date, but there is still a lot of healing that has to happen. Plus some more cute stuff.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Monday</b><br/>
<b>Jack</b>
</p><p>Jack knocked on the door.</p><p>“Jack,” he said as he looked up to the door.</p><p>“Daniel,” was the normal reply.</p><p>“Hey, come on in. How are you doing?” Daniel asked his friend.</p><p>“One day at a time. So. You have something you’d like to tell me?” Jack asked.</p><p>“Um, no?” Daniel said questioningly.</p><p>“Yes you do.”</p><p>“No I don’t.”</p><p>“Yes, you do,” Jack said, finally wiggling his eyebrows at Daniel.</p><p>“Ah, so Sam told you. Yes, for a few months now. I didn’t want to bring it up with everything going on with you right now.”</p><p>“I’m happy for you both. I really am.”’</p><p>“Thank you. You want to have lunch today?” Daniel asked.</p><p>“I have to go see Doc Madison, but I can swing by when I’m done.”</p><p>“OK, sounds good. Jack,” Daniel paused. Jack turned around to look at him.</p><p>“If it’s not too much, why don’t you and Sam come over for dinner this week. Just hang out like we used to.</p><p>“I think it would mean more if you asked her, but I’m in.”</p><p>“OK, I’ll ask her. And, I’ll see you soon.”</p><p>...</p><p>“Ya, we had a great weekend, Doc. We went and bought a nursery suite for the baby. For her house. She let me help. But, we also had a breakdown. She had a breakdown. You warned me it was coming.”</p><p>“First, the fact that she is including you says a lot. Second, this may not be the only outbreak she has. Anger is a hard thing to deal with. She does love you, Jack. But there’s a real scientific correlation between hate and anger. Right now, she is trying to deal with him, and her anger towards him. Unfortunately, your face and body are associated with him.”</p><p>He thought about how Sam had lashed out and tried to hit him. It was a defensive move. She probably had a flashback and was trying to keep Zipacna away from her. The whole thing was confusing at times.</p><p>“She tried to hit me. But now I think maybe she was trying to hit him. The hard part for me is the memoires. He let me watch and remember. I was captive to my own mind and body, and I couldn’t turn it off.”</p><p>“Did you write any of that down in your journal?” Madison asked him.</p><p>“No. I don’t want anyone to see it.”</p><p>“I think you should. And one day I think you should share it with Sam.”</p><p>“Are you fucking crazy? I’m not going to hurt her again. Not going to happen.”</p><p>“Jack, she’s already asking questions on how to deal with her intimacy towards you. One day you both are going to have to talk.”</p><p>“I’m not ready for that, doc. As much as I’d like to be intimate with her again, believe me I do, I can’t. Until I get his voice out of my head, I can’t touch her.”</p><p>“Fair enough. That’s good that you can have that as your starting point. But if there are things that he said or made you do, you are going to have to talk to her about it one day. Those same things may be triggers for her. You both will need to set new boundaries for intimate moments. Like things not to say or whisper to her, sexual acts that will now be off the table. Does that make sense?” she asked.</p><p>“Ya. What do I do if she comes on to me and <i>I’m</i> still not ready? I don’t want to add rejection to her list of issues.”</p><p>“Talk to her, Jack. Sooner than later. If you want another joint session with me, we can do that. Let her know you are not ready. She told me about the kiss. How did that make you feel?”</p><p>“She did, huh?” he said with a little smile. “It was nice. It was short, so I didn’t have time to react. It felt good to feel her again. But I can’t go further. Why am I talking to you about this? Jesus Christ.”</p><p>“Because you need to talk about it. You need to admit to yourself what happened to you. Then move from on from there.”</p><p>Jack looked at his doctor. She was right. He still is not admitting what happened to him. How can he? Things like that aren’t supposed to happen, especially not a second time. How the heck was he supposed to go on in life like this? This time he really felt like eating a bullet. But, the difference is now there was Hope. He didn’t think he could ever pull the trigger now.</p><p>…</p><p>
  <b>Friday Night</b><br/>
<b>Janet’s House</b>
</p><p>“I’m really glad you guys came over. Come on in, make yourselves at home as usual,” Janet smiled at them both.</p><p>Jack had picked Sam up at her house, then drove them both over to Janet’s for dinner. This would be the first time they’d all be together since Zipacna. They walked in to see Daniel and Teal’c sitting in Janet’s living room. The TV was on, but the volume was muted. They both stood to welcome Sam and Jack.</p><p>“Would you guys like something to drink?” Janet asked.</p><p>“Beer, please,” Jack said.</p><p>“Tea, please,” Sam smiled. </p><p>Jack looked at her when she smiled and it immediately made him smile. She caught him watching her, and she caught his smile. She reached out for his hand and gave him a squeeze.</p><p>“Sam, how far along are you now?” Daniel asked.</p><p>“I’m almost going into my eighth month. I think it’s next week, then about two more months to go,” she replied, smiling at Jack.</p><p>Daniel looked at Sam like he wanted to say something, then looked at Jack. Jack furled his eyebrows and took a swig of beer, then mouthed ‘What?’ to Daniel. Daniel looked at Janet next.</p><p>“But. That would mean…” he paused.</p><p>Jack looked at him with caution in his eyes. Sam lowered her eyes after looking at Daniel. Janet touched Daniel’s arm.</p><p>“Yes, we know, Daniel,” Jack said.</p><p>Daniel inhaled deeply and let it out. He looked relieved.</p><p>“So that means it wasn’t him, it was you,” he indicated to Jack.</p><p>Jack sat back in his chair and ran his palm up and down Sam’s back a few times.</p><p>“Ya, Daniel. It was me. Just. Just keep it here, OK? We don’t want others making a thing over it.”</p><p>“No, No. Of course. I wasn’t planning on that. I’m just very happy for you two.”</p><p>“Thanks. We both still have a long way to go, but each day seems to be better. So. There’s that,” Jack said, glancing at the lovely woman to his side.</p><p>“So, that also means that last night on the planet…” Jack cut off Daniel with a laugh.</p><p>“Alright, enough. We both apologized to you and Teal’c for our antics. Plus, it may have actually been two weeks prior to that. So why are we talking about this?” Jack asked with a laugh. </p><p>They all go back to laughing and eating. Jack had to admit to himself this was the best evening he had had with his friends since he’s been back. He has had months of worry, pain, and uncertainty hit him on every side. </p><p>But sitting here with his friends, even talking about his sex life with Sam, somehow Jack felt real hope that he’d get better. Knowing he was literally sitting next to Hope, he looked around the table where he sat with his friends, finally landing his eyes on Sam. He gave her a small, hesitant smile. </p><p>“I think I am going to be OK,” Jack said quietly to her. She held his hand, and they both went back to laughing with their friends. He corrected his thoughts. These people were more than friends. They were his family.</p><p>…</p><p>
  <b>Sam and Jack</b>
</p><p>The following Friday, Jack scheduled a joint session with Doctor Madison to discuss his intimacy issues with Sam. He took Madison’s advice and wrote down everything he could think of that has been haunting him since he was a Goa’uld. He brought the notepad with him. He noticed that Sam also had hers sitting on her lap when he arrived. </p><p>“So I guess we will just dive right in today. Sam, Jack wanted to talk to you about why he is unable to resume an intimate relationship with you. I had asked him to write down the things he wanted to talk to you about. Jack, I had asked Sam to do the same for you. Each of you take your time and talk. I’ll be here if you need me.”</p><p>Sam and Jack both looked at Madison then looked at each other.</p><p>“I don’t know if I can do this,” Jack said.</p><p>“Why?” Madison asked.</p><p>“I don’t want to hurt her again. Don’t want to hurt you, Sam,” he said, turning to her.</p><p>“But by holding it in, won’t you be hurting yourself? Which then will end up hurting me somehow anyways?” Sam asked.</p><p>Jack just looked at her. She could tell he was nervous and didn’t want to do this. He really didn’t want to hurt her again.</p><p>“It’s OK. We’ll work through this. Together,” Sam said reassuringly. </p><p>“Alright,” Jack said, straightening up in his seat, and turning to face Sam a little more. </p><p>“He made me watch and remember things. I remember a lot of what he said, and I remember the look on your face when he made me watch. I remember how you looked after,” Jack said, and started to break down.</p><p>“I couldn’t stop him. I tried. You have to know I tried,” and he opened his notebook. He stopped to try to collect himself again.</p><p>“If we are ever going to have an intimate relationship again, and believe me, Sam, I do want that more than anything, I have to get over the fact that my own body and voice were used against you and hurt you. I’m not sure how to get over what I remember. I really don’t. But, I want to share with you things that I will never, ever do or say to you in the future. These are things I remember him saying to you,” he handed her the notebook.</p><p>She read the page where he wrote down the things that Zipacna had said to her as he was raping her. She remembered a lot of it. She immediately started to cry, and he looked to Madison as if he’d just hurt her again.</p><p>“Don’t talk to me, Jack, talk to Sam,” Madison said.</p><p>Jack turned to Sam again, and paused, just looking from her hands to her face.</p><p>“I don’t know how to get over this. I do want to be with you again. I feel he violated me, too, and he stole you from me,” Jack said, voice shaking, and hands trembling.</p><p>Sam looked at him with her watery eyes. </p><p>“I know it wasn’t you. I know because you have never spoken to me like that before. Ever. Not even the dirty old man inside of you has used language like that with me,” she let out a small laugh at her comment. Then she got serious and looked him directly in the eye.</p><p>“I also know you were fighting him because more than one time I heard you apologize to me. I heard <i>you</i>, Jack. I knew you weren’t hurting me.”</p><p>“You heard me? Like my own voice? I thought that was all in my head. ”</p><p>“Yes, I did. I heard you. I knew it was you. It’s why I wanted dad to take you to Cimmeria. It was the only way to try to save you,” she said, crying deeper now.</p><p>He put his palm against her cheek, and wiped her tears with his thumb.</p><p>“I’ve never stopped loving you, Sam. Not once.”</p><p>“I know. Me, too.” </p><p>“He got lazy when he got tired or preoccupied with sex. Sorry to bring that up, but that’s how I got the zat to his Lo’taur. I wanted her to kill me rather than continue to hurt you. I don’t think I can touch you until I get his voice out of my head.”</p><p>She grabbed one of his hands and held it on her lap.</p><p>“It’s fine. The baby is coming soon, and then we have to wait at least six weeks after before having sex. We have plenty of time, and more, to figure this out,” she said, smiling at him through her tears. </p><p>“So, Sam, how about you share what you wrote down with Jack?” Madison said.</p><p>“Oh, OK. I wrote down things that I won’t be able to do in the future with you. At least not right away. These are off the table until we discuss them again in the future,” and she handed the notebook to Jack.</p><p>He took the notebook and read things like ‘<i>never call me darling; no anal; no doggie style; never call me a good fuck; never tell me I feel good wrapped around your cock; I will never share you with another; if I say NO, no matter what we’re doing, then you stop</i>.’</p><p>“Jesus Christ, Sam, I am so sorry,” Jack said, staring at her notebook. </p><p>He handed her notebook back to her. She grabbed his hand to let him know it was OK.</p><p>“You two did very good today. You are communicating. I’m going to leave the room now to give you some time alone,” Madison said, and got up and left them.</p><p>“I’m so sorry,” Jack whispered again.</p><p>“I am, too,” Sam said.</p><p>“What are you talking about? What could you possibly be sorry for?” he asked.</p><p>“I don’t know, just sorry the whole thing happened. It’s not fair to either one of us. But I want to work through this with you. Doctor Madison had me read about the stages of physical intimacy and even though we’ve already been through them all, obviously,” Sam said, rubbing her belly, “she thought we may want to discuss them, and then work our way through them slowly again to see where our triggers are.”</p><p>“Oh. I think this may be the same or similar from what I went through with Sara after Iran. Oh, Sam, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to bring her up.”</p><p>“It’s fine. Really. She is always going to be a part of your life. But, I think this may be good for us because he wasn’t intimate with me. You have always been intimate with me. You and I have always shared the first seven steps even before we took it further. And even since we’ve been back we have moved up to step seven.”</p><p>She let him read the paper that Madison printed for her.</p><p>“OK, I can do this. I was wanting to ask if you’d like to stay the weekend at my place, so that would be a good time to see where this takes us,” he said.</p><p>“I’d like that very much,” Sam smiled at him. He leaned in and kissed her softly.</p><p>“See, step seven again,” she said, holding his hand. “Let me go get Madison,” and Sam stood to go get the doctor.</p><p>Madison came back into the room and sat down in front of them.</p><p>“We’re going to try to reconnect physically using your twelve step program,” Sam laughed.</p><p>“That’s good. I think going back to the basics will be very helpful for you both. Jack, I’m also going to clear you for Gate duty again. Unless you have something else that would hinder your job, I see no reason why this would hold you up from work any longer,” Madison told him.</p><p>Jack cleared his throat and looked at Sam.</p><p>“Um, no, I don’t think so. You OK with that? I know we never finished our conversation about our work situation.”</p><p>“It’s not, I mean, I can’t as I am, so you should. I mean. We can talk later,” she rambled, clearly not OK with him going back to Gate duty when she was so very pregnant. </p><p>“I’m sorry but since you are not married, I can’t suggest spousal support. I really wish I could bend the rules for you. I think you both need it. I will suggest that to Hammond.”</p><p>“I know. And thank you,” Sam said, looking down. “You ready to leave?” she asked Jack.</p><p>“Sure. We can swing by your place on the way,” he said.</p><p>“Thank you, Doctor Madison. I’ll come see you next week,” Sam said.</p><p>“Have a good weekend,” the doctor said.</p><p>…</p><p>“So back to work for you on Monday,” Sam said.</p><p>“Ya, back to work,” he replied, dropping her bag in his living room.</p><p>“What if the baby comes and you aren’t here?” she said.</p><p>“I know you will have the best doctors around to help you. I will ask Hammond to not send me out the closer we get to Hope’s birthday,” he said, trying to smile to make her feel better.</p><p>“I feel like the walls are closing in on me, Jack. I feel like every step I take, we take, I fall back ten fold. Are we ever going to be OK? Because I don’t see it right now,” she said, and started to cry.</p><p>“C’mere,” he said, and took her into his arms and held her in his living room. </p><p>“I don’t know, Carter. I really don’t have answers for you. I know that I’m looking forward to meeting our daughter, and loving her and caring for her. I know that I love you, and I’ve never stopped. That’s all I know,” he said, squeezing her as tight as he could. </p><p>He held her for about ten minutes before her sobs quieted. He went through the past week in his mind. Spending time with friends, catching a glimpse of hope that things would be OK, and the session he just had with Sam, with ideas of how to help them. But it never seems to be enough. One day at a time may turn into one minute at a time. Then he had an idea.</p><p>“Sam, I want to show you something,” he whispered in her ear.</p><p>She wiped her face on his shirt, which made them both laugh. He took her hand and walked her up the few stairs in the living room, and escorted her to his guest room.</p><p>“I hope this is OK with you,” he said.</p><p>He opened the door to the room and turned on the light. Sam gasped and brought her hands to her mouth in surprise. She stood there looking in to see the walls painted in the lightest of green. White baby furniture filled the room. And an antique looking rocking chair, adorned only in a wood stain, sat in a corner. Over the back of the chair was a soft looking light green and light pink blanket. Minnie and Mickey Mouse adorned the room, along with a few of the Disney Princesses. Sam’s eyes went wide and she began to cry again. She turned to look at Jack.</p><p>“The, uh, white furniture was Charlie’s. I’ve hung onto it and forgot I had it until I found out you were pregnant. The rocking chair was my mom’s. The rest I did with Teal’c. This way if I have to have her overnight, or for nap time, she will be comfortable,” he told her.</p><p>“This is more than I ever could have expected. Thank you,” she whispered to him. </p><p>She put her hand behind his head and caressed his scalp with her fingers. She looked at him with tears in her eyes, and he brought his hands around behind her shoulders. His gaze turned serious, and he looked at her with nothing but love. </p><p>Sam looked at him from one eye to another, and let her gaze drop to his lips. She ran her tongue along her bottom lip, and pulled his head in and kissed him. This time she didn’t just feather her lips across his. She kissed him like she has not kissed him since the last night before they were taken. </p><p>He couldn’t believe she was kissing him. He opened his mouth when he felt her tongue move towards his. He was gentle with her, but passionate. He felt her hand on the back of his head. He ran one hand down her back as far as he could, then brought the hand forward on her baby bump. She pulled back out of the kiss when she felt his hand on her belly.</p><p>“Looks like we jumped to stage 9 just now,” she said smiling at him.</p><p>“I think you are right. We don’t have to try any more tonight, but I do have to ask if you would like to sleep in my bed with me, or have me out on the couch. I don’t have a guest room for adults anymore,” he said, smiling at the thought of his daughter’s bedroom.</p><p>“I don’t think you actually had to ask. I was going to sleep with you in your bed anyways,” she said with a smile.</p><p>“It’s so good to see you smiling. I want to see that every day.”</p><p>“I can make that happen at least for tomorrow,” she replied.</p><p>“Then please let me take the mother of my child to bed.”</p><p>“Yes, sir,” she said.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jack returns to work. Sam has a baby shower. What could go wrong? Or - what could go right?? :)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sam woke up the next morning on her back with Jack’s leg draped over hers. He was laying into the side of her body with his left hand on her belly. His head was resting on a pillow facing her. She turned her head to the left to find his dark brown eyes already looking at her.</p><p>“Good morning, beautiful,” he said so softly that she almost couldn't hear him. She smiled.</p><p>“Hi handsome, good morning,” she said back to him.</p><p>She found his closeness comforting. She missed intimate moments like this with him, even fully clothed as they were. He continued to caress her belly as they laid next to each other. She placed one of her hands on top of his, and let him move both of their hands across her belly.</p><p>“Hard to believe in less than two months we’re going to be parents to a baby girl,” she said softly.</p><p>He smiled at her and moved even closer to her. His move sent a rush inside of her as she felt his leg move over her even more, and his knee inched closer to her apex. While not intended to be a move sexual in meaning, it did arouse her.</p><p>“I know. I’m glad it’s with you,” he said.</p><p>“Do you ever wonder what our lives would have been like if we never got captured?”</p><p>“Ya, I do. I think you’d still be pregnant, though,” he said with a small smile.</p><p>“Ya, probably. Are you OK with this? I mean, I haven’t really been available to you, and I feel we’ve never really even talked about this with everything going on. I picked Hope’s last name without even asking you. Do you want it to be Carter? Or are you OK with O’Neill?” she asked.</p><p>Her thoughts and emotions crashed in on her. Finally. For months she had struggled with the thought of being a single parent. Deep down she knew he’d never let her do any of this alone. But they also never discussed how their lives would be with the baby. So much had happened with the trauma and their recovery that talking about the baby, let alone their future, was put on the back burner. Now he’s back on Gate duty now. She’ll be on maternity leave soon, and having to manage a newborn alone for the most part. </p><p>Marriage was not even something she’d thought of. Well, she had thought about it before Zipacna. In her dreams she did imagine him and her together. But, she had a long way to go yet before making life decisions like that. They had a baby coming very soon. How did he feel? What did he want to do?</p><p>“Sam, I am OK with whatever you decide for Hope. Don’t you want the baby to have the same last name as you, though?” he asked.</p><p>“I do want the same last name as her, but we haven’t been able to discuss things like that,” she said, looking him straight in the eye.</p><p>It took him a moment to catch on. He let a small smile slit his lips. Marrying Sam Carter was something he never would have even dreamed of. And now here was a moment to talk about it. </p><p>“We have time to talk about it. As far as I’m concerned, it is an option for the future. I don’t know if either of us are really ready or stable to make a huge decision like that right now.”</p><p>Her eyes began to water, and she started to sit up. She had uncertainty in her eyes, and maybe fear. He sat up with her and turned in the bed to face her. He took her hand in his.</p><p>“I’m not rejecting you, Sam. Not at all. Marrying you would be something that even my dreams could not have imagined. But I need to know you are ready. You need to know that I’m ready. Right now, I can’t make that promise to you,” he said honestly.</p><p>She looked at him.</p><p>“I know. I am not quite there yet either. My hesitation is what if I’m not able to love you again? What if what I’m feeling is just because we’re having a baby together? What if I’m just being selfish, or that I want to marry you because my dad would think it is the right thing to do?”</p><p>He touched her face gently with his hand. He ran his fingers to her chin. He gently raised her chin so she could look at him. He looked into her beautiful blue eyes and wiped a tear away with his thumb.</p><p>“I’m scared, too. We don’t have to do anything we are not ready for. We don’t have to move in together. We don’t have to have a joint checking account. We don’t have to get married. And we don’t have to be physical with one another. Sex with you is just a bonus for me, Sam. You and the baby are what is important to me right now. I still have things to work out inside me. All the other stuff we will figure out as we go along. I’m not going anywhere. OK?”</p><p>He knew her so well, and she found great comfort in the fact than he knew her. He knew she was scared. He wasn’t going to leave her. Well, except for work. He wasn’t in a rush for anything else. She shook her head in affirmation of what he just said.</p><p>“Hold me? Can you just hold me?” she asked.</p><p>“C’mere,” and he laid back down and pulled her down to his side as much as her shape would allow. She laid one arm over him, and one arm behind him, and snuggled her head into his shoulder. He held her arm and caressed it as they laid together and relaxed into the embrace.</p><p>“I don’t want to do this without you,” she said softly.</p><p>“You won’t have to. I’m right here.”</p><p>…</p><p>Monday rolled around quickly. Jack was going off-world for the first time in months. They drove in to work together, as they would only need one car with Jack being gone this week.</p><p>Sam wanted to talk to General Hammond, and wanted Jack with her when she did. </p><p>They both walked in Hammond’s office. Hammond noticed the little touches, and how Jack placed his palm on Sam’s lower back as they walked in. It seemed to him that they were getting along much better now.</p><p>“Come in, sit,” Hammond said.</p><p>“Thank you, sir,” Sam replied. Jack closed the doors to his office.</p><p>“What can I do for you two today?”</p><p>Sam looked at Jack nervously before turning her head to Hammond.</p><p>“Sir, I’d like to be taken off Gate duty permanently,” she said.</p><p>“I see. Are you sure? Are you both sure about that?” Hammond asked.</p><p>Sam and Jack both replied ‘Yes sir’ at the same time.</p><p>“Sir, the baby is going to need a stable parent. And honestly, in light of everything that has happened, I don’t want to be on a regular off-world schedule. Being captured has changed me. I can still be a functioning part of the program, just as I was when I was at the Pentagon. I’d like to be the head of the science department if you’ll have me,” Sam said.</p><p>Hammond looked at Jack. He looked nervous for the first time that Hammond could think.</p><p>“Colonel, are you OK with this?” he asked Jack.</p><p>“Yes, sir. It makes sense and I support her decision.”</p><p>“I see. And I suppose that this change also would allow the two of you to interact on a more personal level,” Hammond said.</p><p>Sam looked to Jack and gave him the slightest of smiles.</p><p>“Yes, sir,” Jack said to Hammond.</p><p>“I don’t have to tell you the rumors that have been swirling around this place. It won’t be easy at first. I’m also not going to lie and tell you that I have not read Doctor Frasier’s initial report of your pregnancy. I never said anything to you in the past because I trusted you both to act accordingly. I could have both of your asses in a sling right now,” he paused to let his words sink in. He knew.</p><p>Sam dropped her eyes and put her hands over her belly. Jack stared at Hammond, realizing he let his friend and commander down.</p><p>“Yes, sir. I understand,” Jack said.</p><p>Hammond looked at Sam. She did not look up at him.</p><p>“But I won’t. You both have let me down, and I think that is punishment enough,” Hammond said.</p><p>“I’m sorry, sir,” Sam whispered out, trying to hold it together.</p><p>“Nothing to apologize for anymore, Major. You know Sam, Jacob and I go way back,” Hammond said, switching to her first name. “I have considered you like a niece to me for a very long time. I’m looking forward to meeting your baby. And Jack, you’d better not fuck this up,” he stopped and looked directly at Jack. “You hurt her, and you will have both me and Jacob all over your ass, got that?” Hammond said, adding a small smile at the end.</p><p>Jack relaxed a bit and looked over to Sam, who appeared to be confused as to what just transpired. Jack touched Sam’s shoulder gently.</p><p>“I’m going to do my best not to fuck up, sir. We are trying. We’re not quite there yet, but we’re working on it,” Jack said to Sam, then turning his eyes to Hammond.</p><p>“I also have to admit that I am very happy that your child was conceived prior to….well, I can’t imagine what the two of you are going through now. This was great news when I found out you conceived prior to your capture. I am happy for you both. Now, get out of my office and get back to work,” Hammond said with a smile.</p><p>“Yes, sir. Thank you, sir,” Jack said.</p><p>“Thank you, sir,” Sam said, averting her eyes again.</p><p>“Sam, it’s going to be OK. You have my support. I promised Jacob I’d look out for you. Come to me anytime,” Hammond said as they stood to leave.</p><p>“Thank you, sir,” Sam said, finally looking at Hammond. Then they left his office to start their day.</p><p>Jack went off to change and get ready for his mission. Sam went to find Janet, and saw she was busy with SG-1’s pre-mission checks. She decided to stick around until they were all done, and then walked to the control room as the three of them went to the Gate room. She stood next to Hammond watching the wormhole engage. She watched as her three teammates walked up the ramp to the event horizon. Then she watched as Jack turned around one last time to look up at her in the control room. He gave her a smile and a tip of his hat before turning around and joining Daniel and Teal’c on the other side.</p><p>…</p><p>
  <b>Sam</b>
</p><p>Sam was in her 35th week of pregnancy now. She was home alone this week without Jack. She’d been alone without him for the first few months of her pregnancy, but since they’d been spending time together, she found she was missing him now.</p><p>The ladies on base threw her a completely unexpected baby shower on Thursday. She got most of everything that she would need to get started with Hope. She couldn’t wait for Jack to return to see how they wanted to split things up between their homes. She was happy and excited today.</p><p>Split between their homes. That got her thinking. Could they move in together? Would either of them be ready for that? It would make sense to have them both in the same house. His house was bigger and had a large yard to play in. They’d both most likely be spending the nights with each other in the beginning anyways. He’d be coming home tomorrow or Saturday, so she’d get to talk to him about it soon.</p><p>She went home Thursday and had the guys on base help transfer the baby things into her house. It filled up Hope’s room, and then overfilled into the front room in her home. She felt happy today. Really happy. As the guys were finishing up in the house, she felt a pain rip through her back around to her belly. Her knees buckled a bit, and she grabbed on to her kitchen island for support.</p><p>“Hey, Major, you OK?” Siler asked her.</p><p>“I don’t know,” Sam said. </p><p>“I’m calling Doctor Frasier,” Siler said.</p><p>…</p><p>Doctor Frasier told Siler to take Sam to the hospital now. She would call Doctor Fowler and meet them at the hospital. Frasier went straight to General Hammond’s office before leaving for the hospital.</p><p>“Sir, Sam is being taken to the hospital by Siler. May not be serious, but you may want to make sure SG-1 is coming home, or at least call and get the Colonel back,” she said.</p><p>“OK, I will dial them now, thank you, Doctor,” Hammond said. </p><p>…</p><p>Siler got Sam to the Emergency Room. A nurse brought her straight back to a room for an evaluation. Sam thanked him prior to being taken back. </p><p>The nurse had Sam change into a hospital gown, keeping the opening to the front. Twenty minutes later Janet arrived in the ER. She let the desk know she was one of Samantha Carter’s doctors, and she was escorted straight back to Sam. </p><p>“Janet! Thank you. Where’s Doctor Fowler?” Sam asked.</p><p>“She is on her way. How are you?”</p><p>“I don’t know. I felt a sharp pain in my back, and it wrapped around to the front. It keeps happening every so often.”</p><p>“Could just be Braxton-Hicks contractions. The baby may be moving around getting ready,” Janet said.</p><p>“You told me about those. False contractions, right?” Sam asked.</p><p>“Yup. You should be fine.”</p><p>Thirty minutes later Doctor Fowler showed up.</p><p>“Alright, what’s going on?” Fowler asked.</p><p>Sam and Janet explained everything. Fowler pulled the curtains all the way closed then slid the glass door shut.</p><p>“Sam, I am going to examine you to see if you are dilating, OK?” </p><p>“But if I am, that is bad, right?” Sam asked nervously.</p><p>“Not really. You are almost done with week 35. Hope is still at the edge of premature, but there’s been so many advances in medicine that she should be just fine if she comes early now,” Fowler reassured Sam.</p><p>Sam looked scared and nervous. She grabbed Janet’s hand. </p><p>“I need Jack,” she said quietly.</p><p>“They called him. If he can come home, he will, Sam,” Janet said.</p><p>“OK, scoot down for me, please,” Fowler said.</p><p>Fowler examined Sam and found her to be dilating.</p><p>“Sam, you are about 2 cm dilated,” Fowler said.</p><p>“Wait. What does that mean?” Sam asked in a mild panic.</p><p>“You are in labor,” Fowler said.</p><p>“Oh my gods, no, no, I can’t be. Not yet, she has to cook some more. Jack isn’t here, I can’t do this without him,” Sam was getting scared and nervous, holding on to her belly. She had to be calmed down by her two doctors.</p><p>“Sam, it’s OK. I’m not leaving your side. You have a long way to go before delivery. He can still make it here on time. Let me call Hammond and find out what’s going on,” Janet said.</p><p>“Sam, we’re going to get you checked into a labor and delivery room upstairs. It’s a private room, much like a hotel room. Hope is going to be fine. You have the best doctors in the world with you,” Fowler said with a smile. </p><p>…</p><p>Sam was moved upstairs to a room with a window that faced the mountains. She was very nervous and scared. Janet still hasn’t been up to her room to tell her if Hammond got a hold of Jack. She felt alone and unsure of herself. She’d never been pregnant before, so all of this was new. She was hooked up to monitors and an IV by the nursing staff. </p><p>It was now 2000 and the sun was setting behind the mountains. She still had contractions, but they were not very close to each other. Doctor Fowler was checking in on her every few hours. Janet stayed with her and wasn’t leaving her side. She asked Walter’s wife to pick up Cassie and take her home with them. Then depending on the status of Hope’s condition, Janet would call to let them know when they could stop by the hospital. Daniel was with Jack and Teal’c, so he couldn’t go home to sit with Cassie. Janet was very good at keeping all of these moving pieces together.</p><p>…</p><p>
  <b>Jack</b>
</p><p>Jack was sitting in the shade of the trees waiting as Daniel looked at writings on some pillars that were circling the Stargate on P2J-418. The area seemed devoid of people, so Teal’c took up a sentry walk around the perimeter as Daniel did what Daniel does.</p><p>About four and a half hours into the survey, they heard the Stargate start to activate. All three men took defensive positions and concealed themselves behind structures. When the Stargate connected, they heard the MALP whirl up.</p><p>“SG-1, this is Stargate Command,” they heard Hammond’s voice come through.</p><p>It was very odd to have Hammond call them. Jack went on alert, and ran over to the MALP.</p><p>“Sir, this is SG-1, we hear you,” Jack said into the MALP’s video camera.</p><p>“Colonel, just the man I need to speak with.”</p><p>“What can I do for you, sir?”</p><p>“Jack, it’s Sam. She went into labor little over an hour ago.”</p><p>Jack’s stomach dropped. </p><p>“Labor? Isn’t that a bit soon?” he asked.</p><p>“Yes, it is. Janet is with her. She thinks she has a long night ahead of her. Jack, she wants you there as soon as you can.”</p><p>“Understand. So do I, sir. We will dial back when we are ready. Thank you.”</p><p>Jack got his radio and spoke to Daniel and Teal’c.</p><p>“Hey guys, we need to pack it up and go home. Sam is in labor.”</p><p>Jack walked to find Daniel and helped him pack up his stuff. Neither one of them spoke much. They knew it was early for the baby to come. They both just wanted to pack up and get out of there. It took an hour to pack up everything. They had a 10 minute walk back to the Stargate. Jack helped carry things with Daniel.</p><p>“It’s going to be fine, Jack. Hope will be OK. She’s not that early. It will all be OK,” Daniel tried to reassure his friend.</p><p>Teal’c met them at the Gate and dialed them up. Teal’c grabbed Jack’s arm in the Jaffa embrace after he dialed.</p><p>“All will be well, O’Neill,” he said.</p><p>Jack averted his eyes in an effort to hide his emotions. He thought of Sam alone having to go through this. He wondered if she was scared. He was scared. He wondered how the baby was doing. Is Sam in pain? So many questions flashed through his mind. His thoughts were broken by the sound of the Stargate engaging.</p><p>“I’ll get the MALP. I’d like to get checked out first, if that is OK with you guys?” Jack asked.</p><p>“Of course, we’ll be along as soon as we can.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Jack said.</p><p>They went through and back to the SGC. Hammond welcomed them home and sent Jack straight to the infirmary for his post-mission check. Then he was free to go straight to the hospital. He called Sam’s phone from the truck. He got no answer, so he tried Janet’s phone. She answered and put Sam on. She asked him to hurry. He said he was on his way. It was now 2330 as Jack pulled into the parking garage at the hospital.</p><p>…</p><p>
  <b>Sam and Jack</b>
</p><p>Jack walked into the maternity ward floor just after 2350. He asked for Samantha Carter’s room. He let them know he was the father of the baby. A nurse walked him to her room. He opened the door and saw her laying in the bed. She was quietly talking to Janet. </p><p>She heard the door open and turned her head to find Jack walking into the room. She immediately was overcome with the emotions of the day and lifted her arms out for him to come and hold her. They both shed some tears, and Janet left the room.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Jack. They said she may be early due to the stress I’ve been under plus the torture may have been a factor. But so far, she is still healthy. I’m glad you made it,” Sam said. </p><p>Jack pulled back and sat on the edge of the bed facing Sam. </p><p>“I’m glad I made it, too. How are you? Are you in pain? Does it hurt? Can I get you anything?”</p><p>She smiled at him. He looked in her eyes and melted. This woman was going to have his baby. A little girl. He was going to be a father again.</p><p>“I’m fine. Just stay with me, that’s all I want.”</p><p>“I’m here. I’m not leaving you,” he said.</p><p>“Good. Because I’m only three centimeters dilated. This may take a while,” she laughed a little bit. </p><p>He sat next to her and didn’t leave her side unless one of them had to pee. He held her hand, or massaged her back when she needed it. He was being very attentive and caring with her. She kept glancing at him and noticing him glancing back. His eyes were alert and alive. He had a small smile on his face. She felt like she was looking at the old Jack, the one before Zipacna. The Jack she knew and loved for so many years.</p><p>He watched her through the night, sticking close when she’d have a contraction, and sitting even closer in between. She looked scared, but not like she did when she was a prisoner. Different kind of scared. This kind of scared was hopeful. Her eyes sparkled like the Stargate. He also hadn’t seen her smile this much in months.</p><p>She scooted over in her bed making room for him to lay next to her. It was late and she was tired. He covered her up with a blanket, and she snuggled into his side as best she could. He put his arm around her shoulders and held her. They knew this wouldn’t last long, as nurses and the doctor would come in and check vitals and her dilation.</p><p>“I can’t believe she is on her way,” Sam said.</p><p>“Me neither,” he said, kissing the top of her head.</p><p>“Thank you for coming back for us.”</p><p>“Of course. I got here as fast as I could.”</p><p>She tilted her head up and back to look at him. She held his eyes for what felt like hours. She couldn’t believe she was about to have this man’s baby. He touched her cheek gently with his hand.</p><p>“We have so much to still talk about,” she said.</p><p>“We do. But not now. Now I just want to hold you until I can’t any more,” he said. That made her smile again.</p><p>“Why Jack, that is rather romantic of you,” she said, squeezing his side with her hand.</p><p>He smiled back at her and leaned in to kiss her. It was a gentle kiss, but full of love and passion. This felt like the kisses he used to give her before. He felt like he may be getting to a place in his life where he won’t be afraid he was going to hurt her. She was getting to a place where she wanted him to touch her again. He stopped kissing her when he heard the door open and just stared at her.</p><p>“I love you, Sam, never forget that,” he said. </p><p>“I love you back,” she said. </p><p>Then another contraction squeezed her, and the doctor came in to check her dilation again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Hope arrives! Sam and Jack try to adjust to their new life.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was now 0700 on a Saturday morning. Sam was only eight centimeters dilated. Her contractions were coming more regular, and Jack never left her side. He was sitting in the chair next to her bed, holding her hand. His head was on the mattress of the bed, and they both were trying to get as much sleep as they could. They both knew, especially Jack, that once the baby came, sleep would be a rare occurrence. </p><p>A contraction woke Sam up from her nap, which in turn woke up Jack. He sat up to look at her and could do nothing except wait for it to pass. Sam breathed through it, then looked over to him.</p><p>“Wow. And this hasn’t really even started yet, has it?” she said, trying to smile.</p><p>“No, I’m afraid not. But, Fowler can try an epidural on you. The naquadah might be dissolved enough that pain meds might work on you now. We can at least try if you like,” he said.</p><p>“Ya, I’d like to try. I’ll ask when she comes in next.”</p><p>She sat there and just looked at him next to her. She caressed his hand with her thumb as all sorts of thoughts and emotions filled her mind. </p><p>“We really upset Hammond,” she said.</p><p>“Ya, I know. If there was one thing I regret, it’s that we let him down. The rest, I don’t regret at all,” he said.</p><p>“Same. Me neither. Well, maybe regret the whole getting captured thing, and what happened to us. How are you doing with all of that now?” she asked him.</p><p>He looked at her and had to collect his thoughts. He hadn’t thought about his own feelings this past week. He’d been so focused on the baby and going back to work that his own emotional state didn’t surface.</p><p>“I’m going to be OK, eventually. I still have an incredible amount of guilt and shame for what I did to you - what he did to you through me. I’m not as worried about hurting you as I was before. And now we have a baby coming. Never in a million years did I think I’d get a second chance at being a father again. And never in my wildest dreams did I think it would ever be with you.”</p><p>Sam smiled at him. They held each other’s eyes for a long moment, just taking in his words, and letting some more healing take place.</p><p>“What about you? How are you doing?” he asked her.</p><p>“Oh, I don’t know. I am at a place now where I want to have you touch me again to see how it feels and how I react. But now it’s going to be over six weeks or more before we can try. And I know you are right that we don’t have to get married or even move in with each other right away. We have so much more to talk through. Now Hope will be here sometime today, I think, and she will be our focus. How do we balance what we want with having a new life to take care of?”</p><p>“You are lucky to have me,” he said, giving her one of his boyish smiles. He could still make her laugh and smile. “I have been through this before, and I’m going to be right by your side helping us both through this.”</p><p>“Yes, I am very lucky to have you in my life,” she said, then stopped as another contraction grabbed her. She squeezed his hand tight, then asked him to go find Fowler.</p><p>…</p><p>The epidural did not work as intended on Sam. As they feared, the naquadah in her blood interfered with conventional pain medicine. Sam would have to give birth the old fashioned way. She was feeling agitated and was pacing back and forth in the room trying to see if the process of birth could be accelerated. Her contractions were getting stronger and closer. </p><p>Then her water broke.</p><p>By noon she was fully dilated. Doctor Fowler and Frasier both were in the room when Doctor Fowler said it’s time to start pushing. Contractions were minutes apart now. They laid Sam back in the bed and prepped her for delivery. Sam took off her hospital gown all together and said she was uncomfortable. Jack looked at her and tried to cover her up.</p><p>“I’m pretty sure you’ve already seen all my bits, Jack,” she said, pointing to her belly trying to smile at him. “So has Janet. This is a hospital. It’s fine.”</p><p>She did let him cover her breasts up with the gown. She thought it was sweet of him to want to try to maintain a level of modesty for her, but she was in no mood for modesty at the moment. She had never experienced pain like this before. Then she remembered the pain stick. That pain was worse. So she embraced this pain of bringing their daughter into the world.</p><p>At 1:32 PM on Saturday afternoon, Hope O’Neill was born. Doctor Fowler laid her on Sam’s chest for a few moments before they had to take her away. Sam and Jack both got to see their daughter and touch her. Jack got to cut the cord, then Fowler took Hope to the other side of the room. She was so tiny. </p><p>Things were moving fast. Sam delivered the placenta. A nurse helped clean Sam up, got her into a new gown, and they transferred her to a clean bed. Sam didn’t need to be cut, nor did she tear, because Hope’s head and body was so tiny.</p><p>Jack sat with Sam, holding her hand and kissing her head, as they waited for Fowler to bring Hope back to them. He nervously stood and paced as he waited. </p><p>Janet came to the bed and told them that Hope weighed in at 5.2 pounds, and measured 17.5 inches long. But something was wrong. Hope wasn’t breathing right and her skin was a little blue. Fowler determined that her little lungs did not develop all the way and she was in respiratory distress. Fowler explained what would happen with the treatment. There was a 99.999% chance of Hope recovering and having a full and normal life.</p><p>Sam immediately fell apart. Jack tried to console her but he was losing the effort himself to stay together. Her heart melted and was instantly in love with the tiny girl that was taken from her arms. She had never felt any sort of maternal pull until this very moment. She needed her baby to be OK. Nothing else mattered.</p><p>Doctor Fowler came to speak with Jack and Sam to let them know what would be happening the next few days. Hope would stay in a neonatal ICU. No visitors except for the parents. Sam wouldn’t even get to breastfeed her baby right away.</p><p>“This is my fault. This is all my fault. She is hurt because of me.”</p><p>“Sam, this is no one’s fault. We’ll treat her with the surfactant, and this will normally start clearing up within the first two hours of treatment. She will have a breathing tube inserted, and she’ll be on oxygen for at least two days, maybe longer. Sam, Jack, there’s no doubt in my mind that she will recover and be just fine,” Fowler tried to reassure them.</p><p>Sam would stay the night at the hospital before being discharged the next day. She had no intention of leaving her daughter here alone, so she asked if she can stay in the ICU with Hope. Fowler would ask for Sam’s bed to be transferred to Hope’s room. This was done a lot with premature babies. A large recliner would be brought in for the room as well.</p><p>Jack went out to the waiting area to let the others know what was going on and what the plans were for the baby. Sam was left alone in her room, and she realized she had no idea what she was doing. She had no idea how to be a parent. Thoughts started going through her mind. ‘<i>I did this to her. What if I drop her? What if I don’t feed her right? What if I put a diaper on too tight? What do I do when she gets sick? Oh gods, what if she has naquadah in her blood?</i>’ and a litany of other questions had her on the verge of crying.</p><p>Janet came back into the room to be with Sam. She noticed Sam looking distant.</p><p>“Hey, you OK?” Janet asked.</p><p>“Janet. I don’t know what I’m doing. I screwed this up. I screwed up her development. The torture. The stress. What if she gets hurt more because of me? What if I can’t feed her?”</p><p>“Sam, first of all, you did not do this to her. She was early, and this is common. This is easily fixed. It’s OK,” Janet leaned in to hug Sam. </p><p>“And for the rest of it, you are going to mess up. No one knows what they are doing when they become parents. Look at me and Cass. Talk about not doing things right all the time,” Janet tried to reassure her.</p><p>“Janet, how’d you do it? How is being a single parent?”</p><p>“It’s not been easy. I had the nanny, you know. That was the biggest help. I can give you Cindy’s information if you want it. But you have one advantage that I never had,” Janet said, smiling at her friend.</p><p>“What’s that?” Sam asked.</p><p>“You have a partner to help you.”</p><p>And as if on cue, Jack walked back in and sat on Sam’s bed and pulled her into him.</p><p>“Alright, I’ll leave you two to get settled. Call me if you need me,” Janet said.</p><p>“Thank you,” Sam and Jack pretty much said at the same time.</p><p>Sam thought over what Janet said. She and Jack didn’t live together. They have been through something that no one should ever have to go through. They both still had some healing to do. She did like this feeling of being in his embrace. She was so tired right now. But all she wanted was to hold her baby girl, but could not.</p><p>Still, Sam found herself longing for days where Jack would come home to her and Hope. She longed for times when she’d be the one coming home late to find Jack feeding their daughter and singing to her. But can she get past the fear that still resides from Zipacna? She found that right now she was not able to think of Jack and her as a couple. Her focus was on Hope, and how to make sure she had everything she needed to thrive.</p><p>…</p><p>Two nights in the NICU turned into four. On the fifth day, Sam and Jack were able to take Hope home. Jack drove to Sam’s house on instinct. He figured she’d want to be at her house with all of the baby shower items. He could help her go through all the gifts and get them settled in the house.</p><p>Sam carried Hope inside. Jack opened the door and closed it behind them. Sam froze after taking about six steps inside her house.</p><p>“What?” Jack asked softly.</p><p>“I have no idea what I’m doing,” Sam whispered.</p><p>Hope was sleeping in her mother’s arms. Jack walked up behind them and wrapped his arms around Sam and Hope. He held them for a few moments before speaking.</p><p>“No one knows what they are doing when they first become a parent. I was clueless. Sara was scared, too. But we figured it out as we went along. You and I will figure this out, too.  Do you know if you got a baby monitor system at the shower?” he asked.</p><p>“Janet said the same thing to me. And yes, I’m pretty sure I got at least one monitor system in there,” Sam replied.</p><p>“Why don’t you let me take Hope, you go set up the monitor?” Jack offered. He knew how much Sam liked her doohickeys. That offer made her smile a little bit.</p><p>“Ya, I can do that. Thank you,” she handed the baby to Jack, then leaned in and kissed Hope’s head, then kissed Jack before retreating to Hope’s room to find the monitor.   </p><p>Sam entered the room and became overwhelmed. What was supposed to be a few more weeks to go through the items in the room and get it organized turned into a premature birth with a little complication.</p><p>Sam found one of the baby monitors and opened the box and set it up. She also opened a box of diapers and put them in drawers in Hope’s changing table. She found the diaper disposal can and set that up. Hope’s bed was already set up. Jack had done that shortly after he and the guys set the room up.</p><p>Sam went through some more items in the room. She found a pillow thing that was supposed to help with breastfeeding. She had a ton of clothes to wash. She found someone had given her a baby book to keep these memories in. She found a harness carrier that would allow her the use of both of her hands as she carried the baby around.</p><p>She found bottles, pacifiers, socks and shoes, a breast pump, blankets, spoons and forks, chew toys, another monitor system, and gift cards to Target and other department stores. She realized she was opening more things up and making a mess in the room. She broke down boxes and stacked them by the door to take out in the morning. </p><p>She tested the baby monitor, and took one hand unit into her bedroom, and left the base unit in Hope’s room. She saw her bed was still made, and the laundry basket full. She sighed, then walked back out to find Hope asleep on Jack. Jack’s head was back against the couch and he was asleep too. She went to find her camera so she could start taking pictures of these moments.</p><p>The flash woke him up and startled him.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, I didn’t know that would set you off. You both looked too cute to ignore,” Sam said quietly.</p><p>“It’s OK. How are you doing?” he asked.</p><p>“Made a little mess in her room, but the monitors are set up. Do you want to stay the night? I can do your laundry tonight or tomorrow if you don’t have clothes here,” she offered.</p><p>“Ya, I think I’d like that very much. Do you want me on the couch?” he asked. </p><p>“No. Never again, unless you do something to deserve sleeping on the couch,” she said with a small laugh.</p><p>“Funny.  Alright, let’s get her changed and put to bed. You have to be exhausted after this week,” he said.</p><p>“Ya, I am. You should be tired, too. Been a long week after giving birth to our daughter,” Sam said, putting her hand on his lower back as they walked to Hope’s room.</p><p>“Our daughter,” he replied back to her with a smile.</p><p>They both got Hope settled for bed. Sam went to her room and changed into sweats and a tank top and the adult diapers she was told to wear for another few days. Why more women don’t talk about lochia, she had no idea. She’d like to have known prior to this. Basically, Sam was having a postpartum heavy period. </p><p>Jack stripped down to his T-Shirt and boxers. The two parents climbed into bed and collapsed into each other. Not even fifteen minutes later, they heard Hope crying.</p><p>“Wow, not a lot of downtime. I’ll get this one. Probably meal time,” Sam said.</p><p>“OK, tomorrow night will be me,” Jack said.</p><p>“I’ll start pumping tomorrow. Wait. Tomorrow? You want to stay over again?” she asked.</p><p>“If it’s OK. I told you that you won’t have to do this alone, Sam.”</p><p>“I know, I just, I guess I didn’t think you’d want to be so involved. This is a nice surprise.”</p><p>“Sam, she is my daughter, too. I want to split this responsibility with you.”</p><p>“OK,” is all she said.</p><p>Sam went to Hope’s room and grabbed the fancy pillow and sat down in the chair the guys picked out for Hope's room. Sam took Hope from her crib and lifted her to rest on the pillow so she could get her meal. She had issues latching on, but after moving the head a few times, she finally latched on and began drinking from her mother. </p><p>In that moment, Sam felt like the most powerful woman on the planet. This tiny child was completely dependent on Sam for her life. Sam wanted to see her grow into an amazing woman and do good things in the world. She watched her daughter in the dim light of the room. Her daughter. Jack’s daughter. They made this little girl together. She was startled by Jack’s voice.</p><p>“You both are beautiful,” he said. Sam smiled up at him.</p><p>“How long have you been standing there?” she asked.</p><p>“Long enough. I’m in love with her already,” he said.</p><p>“Ya, me too. Pretty amazing, isn’t it?” she asked.</p><p>“It really is. We did this, Sam.”</p><p>“We did. She is ours.” Sam smiled at Jack, then looked back down at her daughter.</p><p>He stood in the door the whole time Sam fed Hope. He watched how Sam interacted with their daughter. He’d never seen this side of Sam. He saw a little bit of how Sam interacts with Cassandra, but at the time he never really paid much attention. Sam was beautiful with their daughter. She was caring, protective, and even guarded, like she wanted Hope to be OK but not knowing how all of this would end up.</p><p>“Want me to burp her and change her?” Jack asked when Sam removed Hope from her body.</p><p>“Sure, thank you. I’ll go fix the bed and lay down again.”</p><p>Sam touched his arm as he held Hope and left the room. She could hear Jack talking softly to Hope. It caught her attention so she walked back to the door to Hope’s room. She watched Jack holding her gently to his shoulder waiting for Hope to burp. He was talking softly to Hope, telling her she was daddy’s girl, how much he loved her, how amazing she was. It made Sam’s heart smile. </p><p>She watched as this big, hot (yes, hot), special ops man, who has killed numerous times, held his tiny little girl in his arms. She watched a Colonel she has known for years sing to a tiny baby as he changed her diaper. She watched as the man she loves placed their daughter into her bed and stared at her as she slept.</p><p>Sam was so tired, but she couldn’t move from the door. Watching Jack interact with Hope shifted something inside of Sam. He was really serious about this. He wanted to be here with them. He wanted to help raise Hope with Sam. He was really not going to leave Sam alone to do this.</p><p>She smiled and padded her way back to her bed and laid down. She let her mind go and was going to really try to let Jack in. She promised herself that she’d try to get better for all of them. </p><p>Jack came back to bed a few minutes later. He put his arm around Sam’s waist and pulled lightly to indicate he wanted her to lay into him. She scooted closer, and he wrapped his body around her, and laid his hand on her hip.</p><p>“I felt you watching us,” he whispered in her hair. “Are you OK?”</p><p>She should have known he would have been able to tell she was standing there. That made her smile knowing he knew she was watching.</p><p>“Yes, of course I’m OK with it. I’m OK with all of it. I just need, I don’t know, adjusting time? I guess? You are amazing with her, Jack. Thank you.”</p><p>“I know you need time. I feel the need to love and protect her, too, Sam. And you, too. No matter what happens between me and you, we will always be a family to Hope.”</p><p>He kissed the top of her head and wrapped his arm tighter around her, letting his hand travel around her belly. She felt tears escape her eyes. He was a good man, and he was trying.</p><p>“I’m not going anywhere, Sam. I’m always going to be here for both of you.”</p><p>Sam rolled over and faced Jack with her weeping eyes. She put her hand along his shoulder, and ran her fingers up to touch his jawline, then his lips.</p><p>“I want to try. With you, I mean. But I also feel like I have more things to talk through with Doctor Madison. I still have nightmares. There are times that seeing you makes me tense up. I just wish things could go back to how they were before…..” and he held her through her tears.</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sorry this took so long. I had to do some reading on trauma and recovery. I also got tied up with Sam and Jack Ship Day :)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sam made an appointment with Doctor Madison the week after they came home with Hope. Jack had to go off-world for four or five days. She was still on maternity leave, and this would be the first time in a few days that she’d be alone with Hope.</p><p>Sam also called Cindy, who was Janet’s nanny for Cassie. She wanted to find out Cindy’s availability to care for Hope when she went back to work. She set up a time on Thursday for Cindy to come to Sam’s house for an interview. But today was her appointment with Madison.</p><p>Madison made a house call, mostly because she wanted to meet Hope. Sam welcomed her in and they settled in the living room. Sam made them both tea, and offered to make breakfast. For the past few days Sam didn’t get breakfast because Jack was gone. The thought of Jack being gone caught Sam off guard. She visibly shook as she handed Madison her tea.</p><p>“What was that, Sam?” Madison asked.</p><p>“I don’t know, I was thinking that Jack is gone for a few days, and a million thoughts and feelings went through me.”</p><p>“Want to talk about it?”</p><p>Sam readjusted Hope in her carrier harness so Sam could sit down with Madison.</p><p>“I don’t know. I’m glad he is gone, but I miss him,” Sam said.</p><p>“What do you mean when you say you are glad he is gone?”</p><p>Sam had to think. Why is she glad he is gone? Is he smothering her? He is so good with Hope. Is he not parenting how she felt he should be parenting? No, that’s not fair. Why is she glad he’s gone? A sudden thought flashed through her. Fear.</p><p>“Oh my gods,” Sam whispered.</p><p>Madison smiled when she saw the recognition in Sam’s face.</p><p>“What is it, Sam?”</p><p>Sam grabbed Hope in front of her and held her close. </p><p>“It’s irrational. It doesn’t make sense. I know it’s not true, and yet, it’s there,” Sam said, trying to choke back the tears. Madison just stared at Sam, waiting for her to form the words she needs to speak.</p><p>“I’m afraid,” Sam said.</p><p>“Afraid of what, Sam?” Madison asked.</p><p>Sam looked at her and her eyes started to water up. She still held Hope.</p><p>“I’m not afraid he’s going to hurt me or Hope,” Sam said. Then she fell apart.</p><p>“I’m afraid this may actually still work. I’m afraid of him loving me like he does.”</p><p>“Why does that make you feel afraid?”</p><p>Sam began to sob harder.</p><p>“Are you serious? I’m damaged goods now. Who’d want to touch me after what he did to me? And it was his body! He remembers what he made him do to me. I’m not worthy anymore. I don’t deserve his love,” Sam said sobbing with her daughter held to her chest. </p><p>A million questions ran through Sam’s mind. </p><p>“I mean, seriously. Will I ever feel safe with him? Will I ever enjoy sex again? Will I ever feel in control of my life again? Will I ever get over this?” she asked Madison.</p><p>Madison let her cry for a while. Hope started to cry, and that was a queue that it was feeding time. Sam excused herself to go into Hope’s room to feed her. Sam told Madison to stay, and make herself at home. Sam sat and fed her daughter. This little girl brought so much joy into her life. Hope was her priority. Hope was all that mattered. How could she even think of trying to further a relationship with Jack right now?</p><p>Then she thought of all the other women in the world who have children and a relationship. They somehow managed it. Her own mom did. But she didn’t feel worthy of Jack’s love. She was long past waiting to die. She couldn’t die now. She had Hope to care for. She finished feeding her daughter and changed her. Then she put her down for a nap and grabbed a baby monitor handset. Sam went back out to Madison.</p><p>“Do you feel better?” Madison asked her.</p><p>“I don’t know. Maybe? I have her. She is all that matters.”</p><p>“You know, Sam, I wrote down some of your fears. I think we need to turn this around. Instead of asking yourself ‘Will I ever,’ you should tell yourself ‘I <i>will</i> feel safe with him. I <i>will</i> enjoy sex with him again. I <i>will</i> be in control of my life again. I <i>will</i> get over this’.”</p><p>Sam looked at her and averted her eyes. Of course she was correct. Deep down Sam knew she was right. But right now, it was hard to do that.</p><p>“It’s going to take time,” Sam said. </p><p>“Of course it is. Nothing you went through will heal overnight. But let’s start using positive affirmations, OK? Write things down in your journal for our sessions. I’ll still come over when you are on maternity leave. We will get through this, Sam. OK?”</p><p>Just then, Sam’s phone rang. She stared at Madison for a moment before getting up to answer the phone.</p><p>“Carter,” she said. Madison could only hear one side of the conversation.</p><p>“Ya...what?....when?.....but how?...oh my gods, no...well what are you doing to find him?...fuck, Daniel. Fuck!...Fine…..yes. But so help me god, if you don’t find him tonight, I’m coming in. I’ll bring Hope if I have to….yes. All of you can, of course. See you later.”</p><p>Sam hung up and her shoulders slumped.</p><p>“Sam?” Madison asked. </p><p>“Jack is missing,” she said. “He and Colonel Maybourne are missing. They went through some window that they think is used like a Stargate. Now what am I supposed to do?” Sam asked.</p><p>“First, breathe. There’s nothing you can do right now.”</p><p>“I know. They are all coming over in a bit. Would you like to stay for dinner?” Sam asked. “I mean, if you are now part of the SGC, you are one of us now, so you should stay. I think I’d like that.”</p><p>“Can I invite my partner over?”</p><p>“I, um, sure. I didn’t know. Of course you can. I’m sorry. Yes, please. I should have known you’d have someone in your life.”</p><p>“It’s OK, Sam, I know you didn’t know. She’s not cleared so you guys can’t talk shop, right?”</p><p>“Yes. They will know not to when they see her. Thank you, Doctor Madison.”</p><p>“Why don’t you call me Brenda. At least for tonight.”</p><p>Sam smiled at her doctor. She didn’t know how she was going to get through another time of Jack being missing. Maybe it’s better off that she not try to have a relationship with him and raise Hope as a single mother. She’s going to have to now. At least for the time being. She had more maternity leave left to take. She never expected this to happen with a two week old baby. And a premature baby at that. At least she had the nanny, Cindy, to help. Maybe Cindy could watch Hope and Sam could go to work to try to help find Jack. She’d talk to Janet tonight.</p><p>…</p><p>Everyone came over to Sam’s for dinner, including Doctor Madison’s partner, June. Sam thought they were beautiful together. June’s skin was a smooth, dark chocolate shade. Her hair was straight as a line, with the tips bleached out in an uneven pattern. She looked like she stepped off the pages of a Vogue magazine. June's dark skin complimented Brenda’s lighter olive-tones and curly brown hair. Brenda had light green or hazel eyes, and June had light brown eyes. They really were a beautiful couple.</p><p>Everyone hugged Sam when they came inside. They were careful to not talk about Jack in front of June. Sam doubted very much they could find Jack without her. She got each of her friends alone and told them she was coming in to work to help. She told Janet that she was going to call the nanny so she could watch Hope. Everyone told her no, but that only intensified her intention to go back to work. Everyone also knew once Sam’s mind was made up, only a direct order from Hammond or Janet (for medical purposes) would force her hand. </p><p>The night was full of laughter and taking turns holding Hope. She was so tiny. Everyone was happy she is going to be OK and grow up fine. Sam missed how Jack held her and cared for her. Hope started to whine a little bit, so Sam took her into her room to feed her. Janet joined her a few minutes later.</p><p>“How are you doing?” Janet asked.</p><p>“Not good. At first I was prepared to raise her as a single mom. Then things started to get better between me and Jack. And now this. Janet. How am I supposed to do this? When is my life going to just settle down? When am I going to be over what happened to me?” she cried. </p><p>She moved Hope to her other breast as Janet moved closer to her. Janet sat on the floor in front of her and touched her knee.</p><p>“I don’t know. It depends on you and how well you get through your therapy. We know you tend to be a bit stubborn at times,” Janet smiled and tried to lighten the mood.</p><p>“Not funny. Not now. What if he doesn’t come back this time? What if I really have to raise her alone?”</p><p>Daniel went to Hope’s room. But when he saw the door cracked just a little bit, he heard Sam’s crying and Janet’s attempts at reassuring her. He closed the door all the way and went back out to the others. Everyone else left around 2100. Janet was still in the room with Sam. Daniel checked on the two ladies. All three of them fell asleep. Sam had already changed Hope and was holding her close. Janet had grabbed a pillow and was on the floor by Sam’s feet.</p><p>He walked in and woke up Janet, who then woke up Sam. Janet helped Sam put Hope down. Janet woke up Cassie from the couch and they all went home. Sam laid down in her bed and found it to be so empty. She realized she loved him. She truly loved him. All that mattered now was him coming home to her and his daughter.</p><p>…</p><p>Sam didn’t go into work the next day because Hope had a check up. Sam also used that day to pump as much as she could to freeze it so that Hope would have enough breast milk while she was at work. Tuesday Sam went into work. She left Hope with Cindy with all intentions of figuring out what the others could not and bringing daddy back home. It did not work. In fact, the whole first week that Jack was missing was a total mystery to everyone.</p><p>Doctor Lee had exhausted all ideas sent to him. Daniel and Teal’c exhausted all avenues on P5X-777 and at the SGC. Sam asked, practically begged, General Hammond to let her go to the planet. She was denied. Sam went home and held Hope close to her.</p><p>The second week of Jack being missing, Sam contacted the Tok’ra and the Asgard to see if they could help. Neither replied to Sam’s request for help. When the Tok’ra did respond, they were able to send a ship, a quick scan of the planet found no lifesigns. Sam went home and cared for Hope, then got something to eat and went to bed.</p><p>The third week of Jack being missing, Sam was starting to break down. She scheduled time to see Doctor Madison and talked over her feelings that ranged from anger, to abandonment, to despair. As she changed and got ready to leave for the night, she froze and sat in the locker room crying for about an hour. Teal’c entered the room to comfort her. He reminded her that she had a baby at home who needed her. She cried on Teal’c for a bit, then she went home and hugged her daughter. She forgave Jack that night for what happened. It wasn’t him that did those things to her. She let go of her anger, and cried for a very long time that night. </p><p>The fourth week that Jack was missing started out by going nowhere fast. Sam was irritated with everyone. On Thursday afternoon, Hammond was about ready to order her to go home when Sam saw something on the video playback. She figured it out. They didn’t go to another planet. They were transported to the moon.</p><p>The Tok’ra ship returned to the moon and found Jack and Maybourne. The Tok’ra took Jack back to the planet so he could use the Stargate to get back to the SGC. Jack had arranged for Maybourne to go with the Tok’ra to be relocated to a different planet. Even though he and Maybourne came to an understanding, he hoped to never see Maybourne again.</p><p>Jack stepped through the Stargate back into the SGC. Sam was waiting for him at the bottom of the platform. He saw her and smiled. He was limping. He’d have to go to the infirmary. When Jack got to Sam, he stood in front of her and smiled. </p><p>“How is Hope?” he asked.</p><p>“She misses her daddy,” Sam replied.</p><p>“As soon as I’m done getting fixed up, we’ll go to your place and catch up.”</p><p>“I’m looking forward to it. I missed you,” she said.</p><p>“Me too,” Jack said, moving to hobble to the infirmary.</p><p>Jack ended up having to stay the night in the infirmary. Sam had gone to his house to pick up his truck.  Jack called Sam later, and she let him listen in as she fed Hope, then changed her and put her down to bed. He loved listening to all of the different sounds Hope made. He couldn’t wait to get home.</p><p>…</p><p>Sam had one more week of maternity leave left. Hope was 7 weeks old now, and Cindy was watching her today. Jack was sent home with one week sick in quarters to recover from his grenade injuries. She picked him up the next day in his truck to bring him home. She had packed his truck with duplicate items from the baby shower that were meant for his house. This was supposed to have been done already, but then he went missing.</p><p>They had to go to his house so he could pick up clothes and things he may need at her house. She was quiet on the ride over. She’d reply when he’d ask questions about Hope or how things were going, but she didn’t start any conversations with him. He looked curiously at her from time to time.</p><p>When they got to his house, She started bringing in the boxes for Hope’s room. He hobbled straight to his room to pack a suitcase. When he was done, he walked past Hope’s room right as Sam was coming back out. They bumped into each other. He steadied her with his free arm, and they both stopped and stared at each other. Almost immediately, Sam started to cry.</p><p>“C’mere,” he said, and took her into his arms. He held her close and whispered her name in her hair.</p><p>“Oh, god, Jack, I didn’t know if we’d ever see you again. I had to start thinking of raising Hope alone. I imagined a life where she grew up not knowing you and how much you love her. I thought of what it would be like to never hold you again, or never having you touch me again,” and he held her for a long time. He felt her sobs quiet down.</p><p>“You OK?” he asked.</p><p>“Getting there. You ready to go see our daughter?” she asked with a small smile.</p><p>“Oh you know I am. Let’s go. Can you drive?”</p><p>“Of course. Give me your bag,” then they both left his house and went to Sam’s.</p><p>…</p><p>They walked inside to find Cindy feeding Grace on the couch watching Star Trek. Jack went straight to Cindy and asked to take over. She handed him the burp towel, then transferred the bottle and the baby over to dad.</p><p>“Thank you,” Jack said, a bit emotional.</p><p>Cindy got up to excuse herself and left the two parents and their child alone. Sam and Jack thanked her for taking such good care of their baby. As Sam was shutting the door, she heard Jack whispering words of love and other kindness to their daughter. She stood back in the entrance to the kitchen to give him some privacy with Hope. Sam got a bit emotional herself watching the two of them together. </p><p>Sam put Jack’s suitcase in their bedroom and started to unpack and give him some space in the dresser and closet. She put his clothes away, and put the empty suitcase on a shelf in the closet. She went to the kitchen to start making coffee. </p><p>Jack got done feeding Hope, then stood to burp her. He said he was going to go change her and put her down for a nap. Sam watched him hold the tiny baby in his large arms as he walked out of the living room and past her at the end of the kitchen island. She smiled at him.</p><p>As Sam started to find something to make breakfast with, she heard singing. It was definitely Jack singing, but it was muffled by the walls between then. Curious, she walked to Hope’s room, and the song came into her hearing range. She froze before she even got to the door.</p><p>“<i>I fooled around and fell in love. I fooled around and fell in love - with you. Yes I did. I fooled around with your mommy and fell in love, with you.</i>”</p><p>Sam’s heart opened wide at hearing him. She moved to the door to watch. He was dropping kisses to Hope’s forehead as he sang to her. He was sort of dancing as he was singing and changing her diaper and clothes. Sam had never seen this side of Jack before. Ever. She was witnessing a very intimate look into his love for his daughter. Their daughter. </p><p>Sam must have inhaled or made some noise because as Jack lifted Hope off of the changing table, he turned to find Sam in the doorway to the room. He smiled at her standing there.</p><p>“There’s mommy. We love mommy, don’t we? She’s a good mommy. Now, let’s get you to bed, little one. Daddy loves you,” he said as he kissed Hope’s cheek and laid her in her crib.</p><p>Jack put his hand out, indicating he wanted Sam to come stand with him. They stood and looked down on their daughter. She was moving her arms and legs as all babies do. Jack put his hand on Sam’s back and caressed her gently as they watched. </p><p>“I missed you,” she whispered out. “I didn’t know what I was going to do if I lost you.”</p><p>He turned to her and took her into his arms and held her again.</p><p>“I didn’t want her growing up without you. I had a lot of time to think this past month,” she said.</p><p>“Let’s go sit down and talk. I’ll grab a monitor,” Jack said. Then they both went out to the living room to talk. </p><p>“Do you want anything to drink?” he asked before sitting down next to her.</p><p>“No, I’m OK. Come sit before I chicken out.” </p><p>Sam reached out to grab her journal which was on the table in front of them. Jack turned his body a little to face Sam more. </p><p>“I had a lot of time to think when you were gone. I never gave up on you. I knew there was something we were missing. It just took me a little bit to figure it out.”</p><p>“I’m glad you figured it out. Even though things got crazy with the psychedelic plant, and fighting with Harry, not a day went by that I wasn’t thinking of Hope. And you,” he said, touching her shoulder. </p><p>“I also had a lot of time to heal. I had a couple of appointments with Brenda, too.”</p><p>“Brenda?” he asked.</p><p>“Doctor Madison. She was over the night you were reported missing. I had everyone over for dinner, and she stayed and invited her girlfriend. They are beautiful together.”</p><p>“Oh I didn’t know she had someone. I guess that is more personal than the patient-doctor relationship should know,” Jack said, smiling. </p><p>“Ya. She noticed a lot of negative thinking going on with me. We decided to turn it around and make positive affirmations for me. I wrote these down and said them daily while you were gone.”</p><p>She showed him her journal and her page of affirmations. </p><p>‘I WILL feel safe with him. I WILL enjoy sex with him again. I WILL be in control of my life again. I WILL get over this’</p><p>Jack turned his head to look at Sam. He could tell she was nervous. He waited for her to continue.</p><p>“I did some healing when you were missing. When I had to think that I was never going to see you again, some things that I was holding on to seemed to not matter any more. It’s hard to be angry when you are pushed into a state of despair.”</p><p>She looked at him. Really looked at him. She touched his shoulder to make sure he was real. To make sure he was here.</p><p>“You are so good with our daughter. I’ve never seen this side of you. I didn’t think I’d ever get back to this place with you,” she said. He looked at her, a bit confused.</p><p>“What do you mean?” he asked.</p><p>“I love you,” she replied. He smiled at her.</p><p>“I never forgot that you did,” he said.</p><p>“I forgave you, Jack. For all of it. My anger disappeared when Hope was my focus. If she was going to be all I had left of you, I couldn’t be angry anymore,” her eyes began to water.</p><p>“I know it hasn’t even been a year yet, and I know you are injured, so we can wait some more. But I want to try again. With you. I want to feel you again. I want you to touch me like you did before we got captured. But we will need to go slow, use the steps of intimacy, let me navigate us when we try.”</p><p>“You have always been in control, Sam. I will go however fast or slow you need me to go. But not now,” he said, smiling. </p><p>“We also need to go over this again,” and she flipped to the page where she wrote down her black list. The things that were off the table.</p><p>‘never call me darling; no anal; no doggie style; never call me a good fuck; never tell me I feel good wrapped around your cock; I will never share you with another; if I say NO, no matter what we’re doing, then you stop.’</p><p>His body shuttered, and his breath caught. He had forgotten some of the things she went through because of Zipacna. </p><p>“Sam, I am so sorry,” he whispered, dragging his eyes to hers.</p><p>“It’s OK. I’ve worked through a lot. I’ve healed a lot. I don’t need you to continue to carry the guilt either. If this is going to work, we both need to be ready. If you need more time to talk with Brenda...Doctor Madison...then you do that. Do it for us. Do it for Hope.”</p><p>“OK, deal. I do need to take a nap. Would you like to join me?” he asked.</p><p>“Of course. I’ll grab the monitor.”</p><p>They walked back to Sam’s room and laid down in bed. She snuggled into his side that didn’t have the shrapnel wounds. He wrapped his arm around her and held her to his chest. Then he ran his fingers through her hair. She gently raked her fingers in his chest hair.</p><p>“See, step 8 already. We’re almost there,” she said smiling into his skin. She gave him light kisses on his chest as they settled in for a nap.</p><p>“I do believe that was step 9,” he said softly, squeezing her closer.</p><p>“No, that was step 10,” she said.</p><p>“Well, just two more to go then,” he joked.</p><p>“Yes, well, first nap, then heal up. Then we will see about moving to the last two steps.”</p>
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<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sam and Jack work through intimacy issues :)</p>
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    <p>Jack slept most of the day. It wasn’t until late afternoon time that he woke up. He got up out of the bed and went to check on Sam and Hope. He checked inside Hope’s room on his way and did not find his two favorite ladies in there. He went to the kitchen to get something to drink. No one was out in the kitchen or living room. </p><p>Jack checked out back. Sam had a small backyard. There was room for a table and chairs with an umbrella. Sam could plant a small garden back there if she had the time and was interested. But aside from that, there wasn’t much room to play. Jack’s property had much more room for a child to grow and play.</p><p>Jack went to the front door and found that the baby stroller was gone. Sam must be on a walk with Hope. Jack went back to the kitchen and got his glass of water. He chugged that down, then grabbed a bottle of beer. He went to sit out front waiting for Sam to get back from her walk.</p><p>He could see the park’s sidewalk from the front of her house. There were families out walking, people laying on the grassy areas, dogs playing with their humans, and the sun was out today. It was a perfect day for a walk in the park.</p><p>Jack sat outside on the front lanai for about twenty minutes before he finally saw Sam with her stroller. It was one of those exercise strollers with the three larger wheels that could easily be pushed by the person behind either walking or running. Sam also lived on a quiet street, so not much traffic came by. </p><p>He watched her cross the street. When she finally noticed him sitting outside, she gave him one of her huge smiles that stretched from ear to ear. That smile has always made him melt, and a few other things.</p><p>Sam stopped at the bottom of the few stairs that led up to her lanai. She unbuckled Hope and took her out of the stroller. She walked up the few stairs and handed Hope to her father. </p><p>“Hi,” she said to Jack. “I didn’t want to wake you up. You were sleeping well, and you looked so cute. How are you feeling?”</p><p>“Cute?” he asked with a smile. “Thanks. And I feel great, actually. I guess I really needed the sleep,” Jack said.</p><p>Sam brought the stroller up to the house. She grabbed the beer bottle from the small table beside the chair, and opened the door for Jack to enter the house. She placed her palm on his back as he walked by her. </p><p>“I’m fairly certain she is hungry. How are you doing? Need food yet?” Sam asked as they got inside and settled around the kitchen island.</p><p>Jack smiled at her and handed Hope over to her for the baby’s meal time.</p><p>“I could go for some food. Want me to order? Or go pick up at that place where you love the salads?”</p><p>“Oh, I don’t want you to have to go out. Let’s just order in. If you order from the place in the town center, they deliver and have great salads,” Sam said.</p><p>“OK, deal. I’ll order while you feed Hope.”</p><p>After Jack got done ordering, he walked back to Hope’s room to see how Sam was doing. He heard Sam humming to Hope. He stopped in the hallway to try to listen in more. She was humming and singing Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star to Hope. He moved closer to the door to see if he could look in on them together. </p><p>He watched as Sam brushed Hope’s cheek with the back of her finger as the baby was suckled to her breast. He watched Sam’s face light up and smile when she looked down and sang to Hope. He listened as Sam changed the lyrics of the song to random thoughts and words of love for their daughter. He was mesmerized at the sight before him.</p><p>“OK, let’s get you on the other side so you don’t deflate mommy on one side,” Sam whispered to Hope as she lifted her and moved her to the other breast. It was as she was moving Hope that Sam noticed Jack standing in the door. She just smiled up at him as she got Hope latched on to her other side.</p><p>“How long have you been standing there?” Sam smiled up at him.</p><p>“Long enough. You are beautiful, Sam,” he said, looking at her with deep, dark eyes.</p><p>She caught his eyes and stared. She misses this. She misses looking deep into his eyes. How easily they used to have entire conversations with just one glance. Her mind drifted to her captivity. The one thing Zipacna never took was his eyes. She had looked into his eyes one time when he flashed his eyes at her. The rest of the time she avoided eye contact with him. It was the one thing she felt she still had control over. </p><p>She smiled at him and said thank you. He continued to stand and watch, but his eyes never really moved away from Sam. When Hope was done, Sam lifted her and burped her. She walked to the table to change her and get her ready for bed. Sam put Hope into her crib and motioned for Jack to come stand next to her. </p><p>“My mom used to sing that to me when I was little. I had almost forgotten until I started humming it tonight. It’s funny what we forget over time,” Sam said quietly, leaning against the crib rails on Hope’s bed.</p><p>“That’s a beautiful memory,” Jack said softly, placing his arm on Sam’s back and caressing her. “She’s still so tiny. Sometimes it’s still hard to believe that we made this little human,” he added.</p><p>Sam looked up at Jack and smiled. She turned into him and put her arms around his waist. He wrapped her in his arms and they held each other. They heard a knock on the door.</p><p>“I’ll go get it,” Jack said softly. </p><p>He looked at Sam before letting her go. He brushed a few strands of hair behind her ear. He leaned in and kissed her softly, then touched her lovingly on her shoulder. Sam smiled, then grabbed a baby monitor and made sure all was well with Hope before turning off her light and meeting Jack in the living room for dinner. </p><p>Dinner was effortless. Sam was not nervous anymore. Jack seemed more relaxed around Sam. The TV was off, and they just talked to each other. They laughed, they flirted, they stared at each other. The night could not have been any better. They were both glad he was home.</p><p>After they cleaned up, they returned to sit on the couch together. Sam snuggled up into his left side, laying her head on his shoulder. He wrapped his left arm around her and kissed the top of her head. Sam took her left hand and reached for Jack’s right hand. She pressed her palm to his, then traced each finger on his hand, front and back. Then she intertwined their fingers together. </p><p>She caressed his thumb with her thumb and gave him a soft kiss on the area between his neck and his shoulder. She brought their hands up to lay against his chest and tried to snuggle even closer to him. </p><p>“This is nice,” he said.</p><p>“Yes, it is. You know what else would be nicer?” she asked, glancing up at his eyes with a smile on her face.</p><p>“Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. But give me a few days. My leg really hurts,” he said, smiling before kissing her forehead. He wrapped his arm around her again and held her close.</p><p>“You know, there are things I can do where you don’t have to use your legs, or really move for that matter,” she said, grinning up at him.</p><p>He looked intently at her. He caught her eyes and looked deep into her. He didn’t think he was ready yet, but how to tell her without hurting her, or making her feel he was rejecting her. His mind was reeling with thoughts when she raised herself up a little bit to lean into him and kiss him.</p><p>He let her kiss him. He felt her melt into him like she was water finding the path of least resistance. He has missed feeling her lips on his. He’s missed the taste of her. He’s missed feeling her tongue on him. He’s missed how her hair tickles his chest as she slides down his body.</p><p>She unhooked her fingers from his hand and began to touch his chest over his shirt. Her hand started to travel down his body and reached further down to find her goal. The moment she touched him, he froze. His eyes opened, and he lightly grabbed her wrist. He put his other hand behind her head to hold her.</p><p>“Sam, I can’t,” he whispered to her. “Not yet,” he said, holding her head and caressing her with his fingers in her hair. He was looking straight at her, and she looked confused.</p><p>“It’s not you. I want this, Sam, I do. You can tell I do. I can’t right now,” he continued.</p><p>“Did I do something wrong?” she asked.</p><p>“No, of course not. Trust me when I say it’s not you,” he said, taking her hand in his again, and putting it back on his chest. He looked at her and stroked her cheek. He took a deep breath in and let it out.</p><p>“I’m still writing in my journal. There are things I remember when he was hurting you. I am still having flashbacks. I don’t know how to get past that right now. The last thing I want is to be intimate with you, but then feel like I’m hurting you because I remember something in the middle of it. Does that make sense?” </p><p>She looked at him for a while trying to let his words sink in. </p><p>“So, it’s similar to me. I’m afraid you are going to hurt me, and you are afraid you are going to hurt me. So how do we get past this?” she asked. </p><p>“I am not sure. We can work through the various stages of intimacy. Looks like my hang ups are in Step 11 - below the waist touching,” he said. He averted his eyes away from her, but she was looking right at him.</p><p>“I think that’s kind of cool that you have the steps memorized,” she said. Jack smiled back at her.</p><p>“I guess we can continue to see Doc Madison. Or we can ask the Doc for a sex therapist she trusts.” </p><p>“Sex therapist?” she asked questioningly.</p><p>“This is nothing to be ashamed about, Sam. I want to work through this with you, however you feel will work for you. Or work for us. That was an idea Madison threw out before I got stranded with Harry.”</p><p>“Alright. Let’s at least go talk with Brenda. Now that we are talking about it, we may have to walk slowly to Step 11 for me,” Sam said.</p><p>“OK, then we have a new set of boundaries to work with. This is good, Sam.”</p><p>He squeezed her hand that was held to his chest. He smiled at her and gave her a short kiss.</p><p>“I think right now I’d like to go take a shower. You want to join me, or at least come talk to me while I’m in there?” </p><p>“Sure. We can see if anything makes either of us uncomfortable, too. Let me grab a monitor and check on Hope. I’ll be right in.</p><p>…</p><p>The rest of the week went by fast. Jack stayed at Sam’s house for the week. He only went home to grab more clothes when he needed them. They split taking care of Hope and cooking during the week. Sam was still breastfeeding. She would pump in between meals so she’d have enough for Jack to feed Hope.</p><p>Doctor Madison came over on Thursday for a joint session with them. Her one big suggestion is when they try to get to Step 11, if anything at all makes either of them scared or nervous, stop immediately and talk about it. Write it down if they remember. But never force the other one to be touched, or tell the other it’s all in their head. Madison said that when it is time, they both would know it together.</p><p>During their session, they realized that they had not been out together alone since they became involved with each other. They couldn’t be seen in public in a romantic way in the beginning because he was still her boss. They were really only together for a few short weeks, maybe two months or so, before they were captured. But they still had not been out together.</p><p>Now it had been about a year since they were taken captive. Jack came back from the Tok’ra and Sam wasn’t able to even speak to him, let alone see him. When she found out she was pregnant, that changed her focus on everything. Then the baby came, and when Sam was comfortable around Jack again, Hope was their focus.</p><p>During their session they both realized that Jack had never even taken Sam out on a date. Like a real date. Madison suggested that they hire a sitter and have Jack take Sam out on a date. Madison suggested they start over from scratch because they never had a real courtship period in the relationship. Sure they have had years of desire and mutual love and respect for each other. But they really have not had a real time to build the relationship.</p><p>For the actual date, it was planned that Jack stay at his house to get ready, and Sam stays at her house to get ready. Jack would drive over to pick Sam up, and even knock on her front door instead of walking inside. Doing those small things may lead to anticipation of the night, and may provide more ambiance and intimacy for the date. It also will fill in the first few steps of intimacy.</p><p>Madison also highly recommended that both Sam and Jack start up with physical fitness again. It had been far too long since either of them had done any sort of activity. They were still in the Air Force, afterall, and had to maintain some level of fitness. Physical fitness also helps the body heal physically and mentally. Sam did walk Hope from time to time, but not nearly enough. Jack did get some fitness in as he walked around off-world, but he didn’t do anything at home. They promised to start up again.</p><p>After their Thursday session ended, Sam and Jack collapsed on the couch. Hope was still sleeping, so they had some time to spend alone.</p><p>“What did you think about today’s session?” he asked her.</p><p>“I think it went well. I think I understand some more about your fears. It never really set in that you would have resulting fears over what happened. I’m sorry,” she said.</p><p>“Nothing to be sorry for, Carter. I want this to work for us.”</p><p>He looked over at her on the end of the couch. He felt he looked vulnerable to her right now. He’s opened up more to her in the past few weeks than he ever has to anyone in the past, except maybe Sara when they were trying to make the marriage work. He felt different with Sam. He felt responsible and wanted to make this right. He did love her so very much. And Hope already had him wrapped around her tiny fingers. </p><p>“So what do you say, Carter? Would you like to go out to dinner with me,” he said with a boyish grin on his face. </p><p>She was still sitting on the other side of the couch from him. She looked over to him. He looked tired. He was trying to make things right between them. She appreciated everything he has done since she started letting him back in her life. She wanted nothing more than to go back to how things were. But she knew they never go back to how they were. They could only move forward from where they are now.</p><p>“Yes, I would like that very much, <i>sir</i>,” she said, adding the honorific because she knows how it excites him. </p><p>“Then how about next Friday. I leave Sunday, if I’m cleared over the weekend for gate travel. I’ll get back sometime on Thursday. Then I can take you out on a real date on Friday.”</p><p>“Sounds wonderful. I go back to work Monday, too. I’ll set up something with Cindy. Maybe she can stay here with Hope, then after our date we can try going back to your place?” she said with a smile.</p><p>He melted under the power of her smile. He loved seeing her happy. Her smile is what caught his attention all those years ago. He wanted to see her smile every day.</p><p>“Alright, Samantha. Then sounds like we have a date,” he said, just as they heard Hope on the baby monitor.</p><p>“Ah, my turn,” he said when he saw her starting to stand up. “Why don’t you start thinking about dinner for the grown ups?” </p><p>She laughed and said she would find something to make or order. She loved these moments with Jack. These moments really made her happy to get to see this side of him. She was so glad he was back in their life.</p><p>…</p><p>Jack had to go in to work Sunday morning to get his medical exam prior to leaving to go off-world that afternoon. SG-1 had a routine recon mission to an abandoned planet. SG-7 said it had some strange monoliths with inscriptions on it that Daniel would need to look at. SG-7 found no signs of life, but they’d come across other worlds like that only to find they were full of life.</p><p>Sam said goodbye to Jack Sunday morning after they had breakfast. He hugged her tightly and said he’d see her Friday for their date. It occurred to her just then that she would not see him all week until he came to pick her up Friday evening. It occurred to Jack that he would not see his daughter for an entire week. How their lives had changed from desiring to go on missions, to desiring to see each other and their daughter.</p><p>Sam’s first full week back to work went very well. She settled fully into her new role as head of science. She got to fiddle with doohickeys all day long. She’d also have more time to learn other languages like Ancient or Goa’uld, which also might help her find out how some of these doohickeys work. She would only go through the Gate if needed. Hope would have one parent home with her every night now.</p><p>She spent the evenings for dinner every night this week with Janet and Cassie. Monday and Wednesday they went to Sam’s. Tuesday and Thursday they went to Janet’s. Sam told Janet about the big date on Friday. Janet had to admit that she thought it was a great idea. Perhaps being in public together without worrying about being seen will be just what the doctor ordered.</p><p>…</p><p>Jack returned to Earth early Thursday afternoon. He did all of the things he is supposed to do after returning, including writing the mission report. He decided to shower and change at the SGC before going home. He called Sam to see if she needed anything on his way home. She asked him to come stay with her over night. He wanted nothing more than to see Hope, so he agreed. He stopped at her favorite place for salads and steaks, and took dinner home to her.</p><p>He got there around 7 PM. Hope was already fed and put down for the night. He brought the food into her kitchen and turned to Sam and walked into her arms. She wrapped herself around him and held him. He dropped his head into her neck, and began to kiss her neck softy up to her jaw line. </p><p>“I missed you,” he whispered in her ear.</p><p>“I missed you, too,” and then she exhaled his name before pulling back to look into his eyes, neither one letting go of the other.</p><p>When she caught his eye, they both froze. Neither said a word. They spent more than a moment looking at each other, and touching each other gently. Her hands were moving up and down his back. One of his hands found the back of her head, and he was running his fingers through her hair. Her eyes traveled from his eyes, to his lips, to his chin, and back. He never took his eyes off of her.</p><p>He leaned in to kiss her. His lips were soft and gentle against hers. She drank in his taste and inhaled his scent. She reached out to find his tongue only to realize it was waiting for her. She let go of any fear she may have been holding, and embraced the moment of pleasure he was giving her.</p><p>He pulled back and looked at her again. As if hearing the question he was asking, she nodded her head. She took his hand and led him to her bedroom. Without saying a word, she removed his shirt. He touched her cheek, and kissed her softly again. She ran her lips down his chin to his neck. She gave him soft kisses and put her hands on his skin. </p><p>He reached his hands around her back and lifted her shirt. She felt his palms on her back and arched into his chest, letting her tongue trace a line back up his neck to his mouth. She wrapped her arms around his back and up to his shoulders. She pulled him in tight. His hands ran up her back and undid her bra.</p><p>She stepped back from him and took off her shirt and bra. He stood there and looked at her breasts. He wondered what they would taste like now that she was breastfeeding. He felt a jolt in his pants at the thought of drinking from her. He can’t be the first man to get off on his partner’s breasts during lactation. He raised his eyes back to Sam’s face and saw her smiling at him. She knew exactly what he was thinking.</p><p>She removed her pants and went to lay down on her bed. Jack toed off his shoes and took his pants off. He looked down at Sam on the bed and waited for her. She spent some time looking at his body. She has missed him. She has missed their intimacy. She reached her hand out for him.</p><p>He slowly climbed in bed beside her. He scooted close and placed his left palm on her right cheek. He took her head and kissed her again. This time with a bit more passion. Her arm went to his chest and she ran her fingers in his hair. She scratched her way gently down his front until she got to the waistband of his boxers. She stopped with her fingers just under the band.</p><p>She looked into his eyes and found him looking back at her. He never moved his hand from her face, and he started to caress her cheek with his thumb. His eyes were dark and cautious. She still paused her hand, and never left his eyes. After about a minute, he nodded his head. She slowly let her hand run over to his left hip. She caressed his hip with her fingers before slowly moving her hand down to his center.</p><p>Watching his eyes for any sign of fear, she reached between his legs. He spread his legs open a little for her, and she feathered her fingertips along his balls. He inhaled sharply, then tilted her chin up a little bit then nodded his head again. He found this entire process extremely erotic. He liked the non-verbal cues they were giving each other. Walking through the steps like this was what he needed.</p><p>She slowly let her hand rise to his shaft. As her hand carefully enveloped him, he closed his eyes and breathed as she touched him. She realized it had been about a year or so since she has touched him like this. He opened his eyes again to look at her. She saw his eyes somehow got darker than they were a moment ago. It made her smile a little and her eyes sparkled in the dim light in the room.</p><p>Her hand stroked him slowly, her fingers finding the veins along his shaft that send spikes of pleasure through him. She hadn't forgotten a thing, he thought. Her thumb traced his glans, and gently circled his tip. His hand never left her face, and his eyes never left hers but for the first moment she touched him. </p><p>After a few minutes, he had to shake his head no. It was only because if she continued, this whole night would end quickly. She understood what he meant and put her hand back on his hip, drawing herself into him and kissing him again. As they kissed, he removed his boxers.</p><p>He lifted his hand back to her body. He ran his hand down her neck and along her side to her right hip. He traced his hand back up the side of her body, and cupped the bottom of her breast. He stopped kissing her to look at her again. What ever erotic communication they were using, he didn’t want to end it with words. He put his fingertip to her lips, indicating he didn’t want words. </p><p>He ran his finger to just under her eye. She understood him perfectly. She looked in his eyes and nodded her head. His thumb traced up the side of her breast and found her nipple. She moaned under his touch, and her hips naturally raised to try to touch his hips. He kissed her again before dropping his mouth to her neck and chest. </p><p>He lowered his head to her left nipple. He let his tongue catch on the budded surface, and noticed a little trickle of milk that came out of it. He stared at it for a moment before licking it up. The taste and sensation of him doing that seemed to turn them both on. Sam moaned again, and grabbed her left breast in her other hand. Jack let out a grunt as he licked up the milk.</p><p>He looked up at her with inquisitive eyes. She smiled down at him. He smiled at her before taking the nipple in his mouth. He licked it to get it to stand taught, then he began sucking on it. He was able to draw some milk from her, and it further turned him on. He found he liked the taste.</p><p>The sensation went through Sam’s body. She had sometimes felt a sexual edge to breastfeeding, but this was extremely erotic. She grabbed the back of his head and threaded her fingers in his hair, holding him closer to her. Her back arched, and his left hand grabbed the side of her body. He grunted before letting go of her breast with his mouth. </p><p>He looked at her, and claimed her mouth. She kissed him back with just as much passion as he was giving her. She was mewling under his touches and his kisses. His hand was traveling the side of her body. She wanted him. She wanted all of him. She stopped kissing him and looked up at him again.</p><p>She took his left hand and put it on her belly. Without taking her eyes off of him, she laid her hand on top of his and motioned his hand lower on her body. She nodded her head yes, letting him know everything was OK. She slowly lowered their hands to the waistband of her underwear. She took her hand off of his, and hiked her panties down, and removed them. She kicked them to the floor.</p><p>They looked at each other again, and she slowly opened her legs for him. His hand moved from her lower belly to her inner thigh. She nodded her head again, and he moved his fingers up until he reached her apex. He paused to make sure she was OK. She smiled at him, and raised her hips a little for him. His fingertips melted inside of her warmth. He dragged his finger up slowly to her nub and she let out a soft breath. He dropped his finger back into her warmth, and let her body envelop his finger. </p><p>She closed her eyes and whispered out his name. She has missed his touches. She has missed his kisses. She opened her eyes again and found him looking intensely at her. His finger was still inside of her. He let his finger spread her lubricant around her lips up to her nub. </p><p>He began massaging her. She reached up with her right hand and caressed his cheek as he touched her. She wasn’t afraid anymore. Her emotions caught in her throat as she saw how he looked at her. No more fear. Only love.  </p><p>She pulled his face to hers and kissed him. After a few minutes she was getting close to coming on his hand. She put her hand on his waist and motioned for him to roll on top of her. He slowly  complied. Her hips were writhing under him. He looked down on her and she nodded her head and said yes.</p><p>In a combined move of her rolling her hips up, and him placing himself at her opening, he slid inside of her. She said his name with overwhelming emotion coming over her. He watched a tear escape her eye and he stopped.</p><p>“It’s OK, I’m OK. I’ve missed you,” she said softly, touching his cheek and running her hand down his neck. </p><p>“You sure?” he whispered back.</p><p>“Very sure,” she said back. </p><p>She pulled him down on her and she kissed him with everything she had inside of her. He pushed himself fully inside of her before he began to make love to her.  She rose to meet him with every thrust. She broke their kiss and never took her eyes off of him. He held her body close to his and felt her skin touch almost every inch of his chest and abdomen. </p><p>She slid under him, or he slid over her, he didn’t really know which was true. He knew he was with her again. He felt complete with her. He was able to let her touch him again. He was able to touch her again. And once again he was able to give her everything that he is. </p><p>She felt him enter her. He felt like home to her. She felt like she was made for him. She gave him her heart years ago. She gave him her body over a year ago. Tonight she gave him her soul. </p><p>He took his time and made sure she was OK. They never looked away from each other. He dropped kisses on her face and neck. She held onto his back and hips and let her arms move with his motions. She came under him a few minutes later. He followed her about a minute later. </p><p>All of the emotion of the past few months released out of her. She cried in his arms and held him tight to her. He didn’t move off of her and he held her as she cried. He cried a little bit when his emotions caught up with him. He buried his face in her neck and whispered out her name.</p><p>After about five minutes, he lifted his head up and looked down on her. She ran her hand to the back of his head and smiled up at him with watery eyes.</p><p>“I’ve missed you,” she whispered, wiping a tear from his cheek.</p><p>“I love you, Sam,” he whispered back. “I never stopped loving you.”</p><p>He kissed her lips, then slowly kissed the tears from her cheeks.</p><p>“I never stopped, Sam. I never stopped,” and he kissed her again.</p><p>She tried to hold him even closer than he already was. But his entire weight seemed to be pressed into her. She could feel his body covering hers, and yet it didn’t feel close enough. She brought both hands to his face as he kissed her.</p><p>“I know. I never stopped, either. I need you, Jack. We need you,” she said softly through her tears.</p><p>He put his forehead to hers and bumped the tip of his nose against hers.</p><p>“I’m not going anywhere,” he said.</p><p>She ran her fingers down his face and lifted her index finger and touched the tip of his nose. She looked up at him and gazed into his eyes again. </p><p>“I love you,” she said softly, “don’t ever forget that.”</p><p>Just then they heard Hope fussing over the baby monitor. They both smiled and took a big breath.</p><p>“Perfect timing. Why don’t you go shower, and I’ll go take care of her,” Jack said.</p><p>She kissed him again.</p><p>“OK, thank you. I’ll come join you when I’m done.”</p><p>He kissed her one last time before gently removing himself off of her body. He put shorts and a shirt on and went in to check on Hope. As he held his daughter in his arms, he felt complete for the first time all year. He changed Hope’s diaper and then took her to the kitchen to warm up a container of milk for her. </p><p>He walked back to Hope’s room and sat in the chair to feed her. He waited for Sam to get done in the shower to join them. As he thought over this night and what he just shared with Sam, he smiled. A real smile. He felt this was the first real smile he had all year. Then he remembered he had his first real date with Sam tomorrow. His smile got even bigger.</p>
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<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This chapter was getting way too long. I had to split it up. The next one may not be ready until the weekend. Enjoy!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After putting Hope down, they both went back to bed. There was a definite shift in mood between them. They both seemed calmer, and more at peace than they had all year long. He had held so much grief over what happened. He never thought he’d be able to let it go. And then he cried with her. </p><p>The only other woman who had ever seen him cry was Sara. They tried so hard to mend their relationship after Charlie died. But in the end she left him. She couldn’t get past the loss of their son. Sara blamed him. He blamed himself. He withdrew from life.</p><p>He thought of his first kiss with Sam. It was right after a team night they had at his house. She had just finished washing the dishes. He had walked into the kitchen and silently stood behind her. She never saw his reflection in the window. As she set the last dish down and turned, she almost walked right into him. </p><p>He steadied her with his hands on her hips. She looked up at him and saw the dark look in his eyes. She didn’t hesitate. She put her hand around the back of his head and slowly lowered his lips to hers. That kiss that night didn’t lead to a bedroom. It was soft, passionate, and sweet. She smiled after the kiss, and then left to go home. But, all it took was him going missing in the X-302 to change their lives. </p><p>He had intended on going to her house to talk. He’d really never been much of a talker. And yet he knocked on her door late that night. He figured she knew there’d only be one person who would be there so late. He saw the light turn on, and saw her peak out the window to see who was at the door.  </p><p>She let him inside and they walked to the kitchen. She asked him if he wanted something to drink. He said no. They stood there staring at each other for what felt like hours. He slowly closed the distance between them in her kitchen. He knew he was shaking, whether from being this close to her, or from the memories of almost dying, he wasn’t sure. </p><p>When he finally tried to speak, nothing came out. He kept his eyes on her and was watching her for any reaction to him being in her home so late. She stood her ground and waited for him. She knew him well enough to know that he needed space to gather his thoughts after rough missions. He thought that she may think he is angry with her for building the ship that took him out into space to almost die. Maybe she was waiting on him to lash out at her for almost killing him. Then he felt himself relax. His gaze softened as he looked into her eyes.</p><p>“Sam,” he started to say something to her. But the use of her first name startled her. He quickly reached his hand out to touch her forearm.</p><p>Her eyes snapped to his. Her eyes were glazed with tears wanting to escape. He was afraid of the words that almost came out of his mouth. She was frozen in front of him. He walked up into her personal space and she backed herself against the counter. He reached his hand to wipe an escaping tear from her cheek. No longer able to hide his emotions, he leaned in and kissed her.</p><p>She didn’t resist this time either. She wrapped her hands around the back of his head and held him to her as they kissed. And then it happened. She pulled back from the kiss, looked at him and smiled, then took his hand and led him to her bedroom. They spent the weekend at her place in various forms of undress. They made love all over her house.</p><p>It only happened maybe four more times after that before they were captured. He would like nothing more than to purge Zipacna from his memories. He wonders where they’d be today if they weren’t captured. In all likelihood, they’d have been court martialed once news of her pregnancy got out. Or at least forced to resign. </p><p>The female in these situations usually got the short end of the stick, which also sat wrong in his stomach. What a chauvinistic world they still lived in, and he didn’t help much when she first was assigned to the SGC. In many ways he is glad she dressed the men down that day in the conference room. She proved she could stand on her own.</p><p>He felt her move in his embrace, and it snapped his memories back to the present. They were both still naked from the night before. He’s not sure when, but at some point, both of his arms surrounded her and held her close to him. </p><p>“Good morning,” he whispered in her hair.</p><p>“Hey, you, good morning,” she said, twisting around to face him. </p><p>She reached a hand up to touch his face, and gave him a short kiss.</p><p>“Let me go check on Hope,” she said.</p><p>“I’ll start the coffee and get ready for work first. I can’t wait for our date tonight,” he said with a smile.</p><p>She smiled right back at him. This was the smile he missed the most. This smile she gives him makes his day. It makes his universe. Her eyes light up when she smiles like this. That smile makes him never want to let her go.</p><p>“I am excited. What should I wear?” she asked, snuggling closer to him.</p><p>“Tonight will be a surprise. Wear something formal. Doesn’t have to be skimpy or revealing, although I won’t object if it is,” he said, getting a tiny slap on the shoulder from her. He made her laugh. He loved making her laugh. It was good to see and hear her laugh again.</p><p>“Jack! Well, then, I guess I will see you later tonight,” and then they both heard Hope fussing in her room.</p><p>…</p><p>She purposefully avoided him at work today. She wanted to build anticipation for their date later. She did have a smile glued to her face, and Teal’c and Daniel noticed. But they didn’t say anything to her. She knew that they all probably knew. The return smiles she got from Daniel, and the slight bow of the head from Teal’c told her they were happy for her.</p><p>She did pop in to see Doctor Madison. She told Madison about last night. Sam had a tenderness in her voice as she explained it all. Madison was very happy for them and the progress they made.</p><p>Sam said she did feel a deep relief about what happened last night. She told Madison that they did walk through the final steps of intimacy, and gave each other permission before touching. She said they both gave each other permission before the final act of sex last night. No one felt pressured. It happened naturally. </p><p>She told Brenda that she cried, and that Jack also cried. Brenda though maybe their act of making love last night may have also been a healing moment for them both. Brenda told her there is real science behind the notion of sexual healing. Marvin Gaye was not wrong in his song. </p><p>Brenda told Sam that theirs was a hard case for her. Brenda opened up about her own rape with Sam, and how long it took her to recover. Brenda opened up to Sam about how June helped her overcome her intimacy issues. She and June also walked through the steps of intimacy, and that’s how Brenda knew it could work for Sam and Jack, too. It was a good session for both ladies. Then the hour was over.</p><p>Sam had never been one to leave work early or really even leave on time. But, today, she made an exception and headed home right after 4 PM. She did see Jack in the hallway on her way out, but he was talking to Walter. She smiled at him and waved goodbye. He smiled back at her, and a flood of warmth filled her body. She was really looking forward to tonight.</p><p>…</p><p>Sam got home and immediately took Hope from Cindy so she could feed her. She took Hope back to Cindy after her feeding, then went to pump. Cindy was going to stay the night with Hope at Sam’s house. Sam told Cindy she had planned on staying the night with Jack at his place, and to call if something happened. If she could not get a hold of either her or Jack, then call Janet or Daniel.</p><p>Sam went to take a shower and get ready for her date. She had a black dress she could wear tonight. It was sleeveless, and she had a matching black shawl to put around her and use if she got cold. She wore black pumps, and carried a small wristlet to round it all out.</p><p>Her hair had gotten longer this past year. She decided to leave her hair down tonight. She took a curling iron and put in some long curls in her hair. She used her fingers to separate the curls into a more natural way. She gave it a spray to hold it in place. </p><p>She put on some light makeup and focused mostly on her eyes. She knew Jack loved her eyes. She wanted him to look at her eyes tonight. She had never seen Jack in anything formal other than his dress blues. She was anticipating what he’d be wearing. Probably a suit. She pictured him in a dark suit with a tie on and everything.</p><p>Her mind wandered to what he had planned for them tonight. Dinner at a fancy place? A bourbon bar? Stargazing on his roof? She had no idea. She also imagined going back to his place. She definitely wanted to end up in bed with him. </p><p>She checked the time. It was much later than she realized. She walked out to the living room to see Cindy watching TV with Hope asleep on her shoulder. Sam smiled at them. Then she heard a knock on her door. Sam’s stomach dropped in anticipation.</p><p>She walked to the door. She opened the door to find someone who looked almost like a stranger to her. His hair had been cut short, probably got it cut on his way home to change for the date. He wore a dark grey suit, a light grey shirt, and a dark grey tie. His chiseled face was cleanly shaven, and his scent wafted up to her nose. She inhaled him. He was breathtaking and she let out a breath she didn’t even know she was holding. </p><p>She opened the door and all he saw was a striking black dress silhouetted by blonde hair and incredible blue eyes. Her smile went from ear to ear, and it melted his heart. He straightened and opened his mouth to try to say something, but he was silenced by what he was seeing and smelling. She smelled uniquely of vanilla and musk, a scent he has silently called ‘Carter’ for years. She was stunning.</p><p>After staring at each other for a few moments, Jack finally was able to clear his throat, and broke the trance between them.</p><p>“Um, you look incredible,” he said quietly.</p><p>“You clean up pretty well yourself, Jack,” Sam replied with a smile. That made him laugh a little. He was still standing outside on her lanai.</p><p>“Can I come in to see Hope before we leave?” he asked.</p><p>“Oh, sorry. Yes, of course, please come in,” Sam stepped back and let him inside. </p><p>Jack walked to the living room where he found Hope asleep on Cindy’s shoulder. </p><p>“Hi Cindy,” he said, “I don’t want to wake her, but I wanted to see her before we left. Thank you for staying the night with her. This means a lot to us.”</p><p>“Oh think nothing of it, Jack. Your daughter is amazing and she is really no fuss for me. Anytime you guys need some alone time, let me know,” Cindy said, standing up to hand Hope over to Jack.</p><p>Jack held his tiny baby in his arms. Both Sam and Cindy looked at him as he held his daughter. She was so tiny against him, and yet the care with which he gave her was converse to their size discrepancies. He gently bounced and rocked her as he stood with her. He gently told her things like “Daddy’s here,” or “Who’s my girl?” and threw in a lot of “I love yous.” </p><p>Cindy and Sam looked at each other and both women just smiled. Jack gave Hope one last hug and kiss, then handed her over to Cindy. He turned to Sam and smiled.</p><p>“Well, my dear, shall we?” and he offered her the crook of his elbow to escort her to the door.</p><p>“Yes, sir, we shall,” Sam said smiling, and placing her hand in his arm. She turned to Cindy.</p><p>“Call if you need us, or call Janet and Daniel. My bed has clean sheets. The monitors are all charged. Her food is in the fridge,” Sam said, now seeming a bit nervous.</p><p>“We will be fine, Sam. Go. Have a good time. Go! Shoo!” Cindy said, waving her free hand at the door. Sam and Jack both smiled at Cindy, then turned to the door.</p><p>With her heels on, Sam was about two inches taller. Her height was already pretty good with Jack. But tonight she’ll be closer to his eyes. And his lips. </p><p>They got to her front door and he opened it for them. He let her walk through first, then he closed the door and locked it behind them. He walked to his truck with her, placing the palm of his hand on her lower back. She could feel the heat from his hand through her dress. He turned to her as they got to the passenger side of his truck.</p><p>“You are beautiful, Sam. You look incredible,” he said, capturing her eyes as his hand slid to her hip. He moved his body in closer to hers. He was so close he could smell her again. He never took his eyes from hers.</p><p>Her eyes nervously traveled from his eyes to his lips. He was so close that she inhaled him deeply. She didn’t realize she started to close her eyes as she drank in his scent. She thought he was going to kiss her. But he reached around her.</p><p>“Excuse me,” he smiled at her, as he reached his hand to the door handle behind her. “But if we’re going to go, we have to open the door.”</p><p>The motion made him lean in closer to her. She could have put her lips on his neck and licked the fragrance of the man onto her tongue. But he moved away quickly, as if anticipating her move.</p><p>He smiled as if he knew her thoughts. He helped her up into the cab of his truck. He walked around to the driver’s side. Sam took a few deep breaths to settle herself down. Her body was humming in anticipation of what he had in store for them that night. She wondered if he felt the same. Tonight was already off to a wonderful start.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The Date. And #sorrynotsorry for the ending :)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He got in the truck, and put his seat belt on. He started the truck and looked over to Sam.</p><p>“You ready?” he asked.</p><p>“Well, that depends,” she said sarcastically. “What do you have in mind?” she asked with her doey eyes.</p><p>“You’ll see,” he said. He gave her one of his smirks that used to make her wet between the legs. It seems it still did make her wet, and she adjusted herself in her seat as he put the truck in gear and drove out of her neighborhood.</p><p>He drove for about 20 minutes. They mainly talked about Hope. They each had different things they were noticing about their daughter. They talked about how Hope looks at them, how they think she is recognizing their voices, how her hand raises as she eats, and the way she smells. The time passed quickly, and Sam found themselves in the parking lot of an upscale Jazz club.</p><p>“I figured you deserve a night of dinner and dancing,” Jack said. Sam smiled at him.</p><p>“Jack, I, um. Sort of. Wow.” She stumbled through her words.</p><p>“What?” he smiled at her, laughing a little bit as she tried to formulate a sentence.</p><p>“Sorry. It’s been years since I’ve been dancing. I probably have forgotten how,” she said bashfully.</p><p>“Well, have no fear, my lady. That’s what I’m here for. Just follow my lead,” he said softly. Then he grabbed her hand and kissed the back of it. He got out of the truck and went to the passenger side to open the door for her.</p><p>Under any other circumstance, she’d have gotten upset at all the chivalry being paid her way tonight. But it was different with Jack. It’s always been different with Jack. She liked the attentiveness from him.</p><p>He opened her door and reached his hand out to help her step down from the truck. He watched her long legs as they swung around towards him. He watched her gently move her feet to the step bar on the truck, then watched how she slid her feet to the pavement below. Her hand was still in his as he reached around her to shut the door, then pressed the button to lock his truck.</p><p>He escorted her inside the Jazz club. He gave his name to the maitre d. There was quiet jazz music coming from a different room which overflowed into the restaurant part of the building. It was a wonderful ambiance. They were immediately shown to their table. It was set along one of the walls in the building with a view into the room where the music was coming from. </p><p>The whole place was dimly lit, with recessed lighting in the ceiling. The walls were painted a light grey, with dark wood framing the walls and ceiling. The recessed lights were bright enough to give each table the allusion of being in a spotlight. But it was a soft light which permeated the rest of the space around them. They could see other people and the staff members, but it was if they were all alone in the building. </p><p>They were given menus and a wine list. Sam still could not have a lot of alcohol. She could have one glass with dinner and by tomorrow it should all be out of her system. Hope would be fine tomorrow for meal times. They decided on a Cab Sav for the wine. The server brought them the bottle, and Sam nodded in approval. The bottle was opened and Sam was offered the first taste. She nodded her head again, and the server left the bottle on the table to breathe for a few minutes.</p><p>Sam settled into her chair and looked over to Jack. He smiled back at her and asked if she was doing OK.</p><p>“I am. I feel like we should talk, though. I mean, about us. About our future,” she said.</p><p>As she looked at him, she let her eyes focus on how he looked tonight. The dark suit highlighted the grey in his hair. She was incredibly attracted to him. Her body started to hum again in anticipation of what was to come. She thought of what life together with Jack would mean to her. They had a daughter to raise. Do they get married? Do they move in together? What does he want? </p><p>“We do need to discuss some things. Where do you want to start?” he asked. He leaned forward on the table to get closer to her. She ended up scooting over to the chair next to him so she’d be closer to him and not across the table from him.</p><p>“Well, maybe with our living arrangement. Do we move in together? It would make taking care of Hope easier. But is that the only reason to move in with each other? I mean, do you think we’d be having this conversation without Hope?” she asked.</p><p>“I have thought about this, even before everything happened,” he said.</p><p>“Really? You? Jack O’Neill wanted to live with me?” she said mockingly, but with a smile on her face.</p><p>“I know, crazy, right? But ya, I mean, if we feel that is where we are headed, then we should start planning how we’re going to do it,” he paused as the server came back to pour the wine and take their order. They continued after the server left.</p><p>“And I honestly cannot go back in time and predict if we’d be here today without Hope, but you know as well as I do that things happen for a reason. We may not have been here talking about this if we didn’t have Hope,” he paused and grabbed her hand, “but, we are here now. And we do have her. And now I can say it out loud and not care who hears me. I love you, Sam. I’m in this with you.”</p><p>She smiled at him and looked down at his hand on hers. She flipped her hand over a little bit and intertwined her fingers in his. She looked back at him, and caressed his hand with her thumb.</p><p>“Honestly, your place is bigger, and has a much bigger yard. You have room to add on to the house if we felt we needed to,” Sam said first.</p><p>“Yes, that is true. But, would you consider selling both of our houses to find or build one we both decide on?” he asked.</p><p>“Oh, I didn’t consider that would have been an option. I thought you loved your house?” she said more than asked.</p><p>“I do. But, it also represents a break from my old life. Like something I was forced to move into. You and I could talk to some contractors and design our own home, together, if you like,” he said, looking at her over his wine glass as he sipped. </p><p>She let that idea settle in her mind for a few minutes before speaking again. He could see her wheels spinning. He loved watching her think. Even more so, he loved when he could finally watch her facial expressions when she finally made a decision. </p><p>“OK. I do like that idea,” she said, smiling at him. “We should have a big yard, plenty of room to play with Hope. We should build it with at least one guest room. Dad will need a place to stay when he visits, and the guys will need a place to crash on team nights. So minimum three bedroom, two and a half baths.”</p><p>Her eyes were lit up and they sparkled in the light. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her.</p><p>“And a garage. We need room for both bikes, and two cars. I’d love to build a telescope lounge, even bigger than the one I have now,” he said.</p><p>“There is one big advantage to keeping your house, though. What if one of us gets PCS’d? Should we wait to build until one of us actually retires? Or do we just call Colorado Springs our home, even after retirement?” she asked.</p><p>“That is a good point. I do love it here. Lots to do. We don’t have to decide right now. We do have time,” he said in a low, seductive voice.</p><p>She was starting to lean into him as they spoke. Their arms touched as they lay on the table. She reached over for his hand, and he put his fingers around hers. He looked at her and saw how close she was.</p><p>“Which brings up another question,” he said.</p><p>She tensed up. Was he going to bring up marriage? Would she even have an answer for him right now? Her body flushed hot at the thought.</p><p>“OK. What’s your question?” she asked.</p><p>“Private or public school for Hope?” he asked, putting a huge smile on his face.</p><p>She averted her eyes and blushed. She was certain he figured out what she tensed up over, and quickly changed the subject on her.</p><p>Just then the server had brought their dinner. They had been talking for at least forty five minutes. Their wine was hardly touched. They were just focused on each other and enjoying the time talking to each other.</p><p>They finished the conversation about school for Hope. Both private and public education had benefits, and drawbacks. They went back and forth with pros and cons to each option for about fifteen minutes. They decided they’d table that conversation to a time when it got closer to her actually needing to be put into school. A ten week old baby is not quite ready for school, they decided.</p><p>They were finished with dinner about an hour later, and Jack was ready for the second half of their night. He asked to pay their bill, and a few minutes later, the server brought him their check. </p><p>They’d been at the table for almost two hours now. The whole night so far had been wonderful. Excellent, really. He left the signed receipt on the table, and stood up and buttoned his jacket. He reached his hand out for Sam’s hand.</p><p>“C’mere. I want to dance with you,” he said with his boyish grin. She’d never been able to say no to that grin. She smiled up at him and accepted his hand.</p><p>“Just remember, I have no idea what I’m doing,” she told him nervously, then laughed. She stood and let him walk them both to the back room where the live music was still playing softly.</p><p>There were probably a few dozen or so couples in the room. Some were dancing, some were sitting together at a distance, and some were sitting and canoodling in the low light and the soft music. </p><p>Jack took Sam straight to the area in the room where others were dancing. He spun her towards him, and placed one palm on her lower back. Her hand with her wristlet went around and up his back, and she hung onto his shoulder. He took her other hand in his hand, and placed it on his chest. She moved her body in close to his, and let him lead her as he danced slowly with her.</p><p>He didn’t take his eyes off of her. He looked at her hair, and how she styled it for the night. He was used to seeing her pull her hair back in a ponytail, or push away from her face in a headband at home with Hope, or tied up and pinned to her head while she was in uniform. As he watched her, he slowly spun her out from him, and brought her back into his body. She smiled at him as she realized that he really was a very good dancer. Thoughts of dancing with him on their wedding popped into her mind. Her face sobered at the thought. He noticed her change.</p><p>“You’re not as bad at this as you think. But Carter, I can hear you thinking,” he said, dropping his mouth to her ear as he spoke. He pulled her closer to him with the hand on her lower back.  She loved it when he used her surname. His voice rumbled when he said it. That deep rumble in his voice turns her into a puddle. She inhaled deeply at the sensation of his hand on her, and the closeness of their bodies as they danced.</p><p>“Really? So what am I thinking about?” she asked, giving him a small smile.</p><p>“Are we going to talk about it?” he said, pulling back to once again find her eyes. She was stunned into silence. How did he always know what was going on in her mind?</p><p>“Um, what do you mean?” she asked quietly, and she blushed. He looked directly into her eyes and waited until he could tell that he had her attention again. He released his hand from hers on his chest. He put his fingers up to her hair, and tucked a curl behind her ear. Her hand remained on his chest and she looked directly into his eyes and waited.</p><p>“Would you ever consider marrying me? Or are you OK with how things are right now?” he asked.</p><p>He felt her inhale and exhale with his arm still around her. She didn’t move her gaze. She continued to look in his eyes. She alternated her vision from looking at one of his eyes, then the other. She was aware she was still being held by him, and they were still swaying to the music around them. </p><p>He led her out from his body, twirled her around one time, and spun her back into his body. He pressed her close to him with his arm again. She felt his hand a little lower on her back. She wrapped her arm tighter under his shoulder. He took his other hand and held her hand to his mouth, kissed her hand, then placed it back on his chest. He was hoping to snap her out of her own thoughts and get her talking again.</p><p>“Well?” he asked her. She smiled at him. She took her hand off of his chest, and reached up behind his head and ran her fingers through the short hair at his nape.</p><p>“You know, I have to admit a little secret,” she said, arching her body a little into his. He continued to move them around the dance floor. He smiled at her and gave her a little laugh.</p><p>“Oh do tell,” he almost begged.</p><p>“Well,” she said, scratching the back of his head again. “I have thought about being your wife more than once,” she said, smiling at him.</p><p>“Oh you have now, have you?” He pressed her even closer to his body. “Samantha Carter fantasizes about being Samantha O’Neill. You really know how to stroke a man’s ego,” he said. Then he leaned in and grazed her lips with his.</p><p>“Of course I wouldn’t actually change my name. I’m published, you know,” she said with a smirk. “But,” she started, and stopped. She looked at him and smiled.</p><p>“But, what, Sam?” he asked softly. He looked at her inquisitively, and tried to hide a small trepidation of what her answer may be.</p><p>“Hey, it’s OK,” she said, slowly dragging her fingers from his head to his cheek. “I’m not saying no. Not at all. My ‘but’ is that I feel like I just got you back. We have a new normal now. I want to settle more into our new normal with you before a big decision like that,” she said, still holding him close.</p><p>“Sam, of course. I didn’t mean now. I just meant at some point in the future,” he said. </p><p>“Plus I sort of want it to be a surprise. I may seem like a big, tough, feminist on the outside, but deep down I’m a helpless romantic,” she said.</p><p>“That I can do. But now that I know you have already thought about it,” he said laughing, then pulled her body in tight against him. He smiled at her and gently kissed her.</p><p>“I’m never going to live that down, am I?” she asked jokingly.</p><p>“Nope. Never. C’mere,” he said. </p><p>She laid her head on his shoulder and he danced with her against him for a while longer. His hand on her lower back kept inching its way towards her butt. He was caressing her back as he held her. His hand was sending streams of desire through her body. She lifted her head from his shoulder, and put her hand behind his head again. </p><p>She looked into his eyes as she pressed her breasts into his chest. He smiled at her, and leaned in to kiss her again. This time he didn’t move his lips from her right away. He kept his eyes open and watched how she reacted to his kiss. He felt her small moan through the vibration in her skin. He pressed her hips into his, and she was starting to feel what she was doing to him.</p><p>Her eyes opened, and she smiled in his kiss before moving her head back. She stared at him and locked eyes. His eyes flashed and became dark, even darker than they had been a moment ago. She knew what that meant.</p><p>“Should we take this back to your place?” she asked.</p><p>“Ya, sure, youbetcha,” he said softly, and kissed her one last time before spinning her around and escorting her out of the building.</p><p>…</p><p>They got out to his truck and he reached in to open the door for her. She spun around and was back into his arms. She was at the angle she was earlier where she could have put her mouth on his neck. And she did this time. She kissed his neck. She licked his neck. She tasted him and drank him in. She dragged her mouth up his neck to his jaw line. He tilted his head down so his lips would meet hers.</p><p>One of his arms went around her back, the other one went to her face. Her hand returned to the nape of his neck. His tongue found hers, and her body was pressed back into the side of his truck. They kissed like horny teenagers on a first date. That thought made him laugh into her mouth, and he pulled back and held her. She smiled and asked him if he was OK.</p><p>“I think you can tell I am OK,” he said gruffly, pulling her hips to him and pressing his erection into her. “Let me get you into my bed. I want to taste you and watch you come all night long,” he said staring into her eyes. She smiled at him and ran a hand down between his legs and palmed his hardness.</p><p>“Sounds good to me,” she said wantonly. She kissed him deeply again. Then he opened the door for her, and drove them both to his house for the night.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>PCS stands for Permanent Change of Station. It's a US Military term when a person gets a new set of orders to a new location.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This got a little warm! More like hot! Enjoy!</p>
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    <p>Jack helped Sam up into his truck. He leaned in and kissed her again. She wrapped her hands around his face as he kissed her. He dropped his hand to her thigh. He found the hem of her dress, and let his fingers find their way under the hem, and started moving his hand up the middle of her legs.</p><p>Before he got too far, she dropped a hand gently down on his forearm and stopped kissing him.</p><p>“Not here,” she whispered to him, not taking her eyes from his. He smiled at her and kissed her quickly before shutting her door and running to the driver’s side to take them back to his place.</p><p>Both of them were running hot with desire. They rode in a nervous, but comfortable silence. She was nervous because she didn’t want to screw this up with him. She saw the way he looked at her all night long. He truly loved her, even after everything. He told her as he made love to her last night that he never stopped loving her. </p><p>Could she let go of it all, and just let him love her? Is she ready for a committed life with him and Hope? Or was she really already in a committed relationship with him? He’d be in her life for decades anyways because of Hope. She would never deny him his daughter.</p><p>Before they were captured, they never talked about their relationship. Honestly, they didn’t really have time. It was still so new and exciting, and wrong at the same time. She felt if she talked to him about it, that she’d break some sort of spell they may have been under. At the time she was enjoying the intimacy they were sharing. </p><p>Or was it really just about releasing the sexual tension the two of them had built up all those years of working together? Is all they have now based on sex? Do they share more than a baby together? She told him last night that she loves him. Not one time tonight on their date did she tell him that she loves him. </p><p>Does she love him as a potential wife should? Or is her love for him based on hero worship, and sincere respect for the job? She knows she trusts him with her life. She knows he’d rather die in her place than live in a world without her. She knows she’d do the same for him. But she’d do that for Teal’c and Daniel, too. Wouldn’t she?</p><p>Jack looked over at her as he drove to his house. He could tell she was deep in thought about something, and he hoped he hadn’t screwed something up. He knows they are both coming off of a year of very hard emotional and physical trauma. If he pushed things too hard last night…</p><p>“Sam, are you OK?” he asked softly in the truck.</p><p> She smiled and averted her eyes to watch her hands as she worried them on her lap.</p><p>“I’m just thinking,” she said without looking over to him.</p><p>“I can hear you thinking. But that doesn’t answer my question,” he said, taking a glance at her as he drove.</p><p>“Yes, of course, I’m fine,” she said, smiling up at him.</p><p>He looked at her again and saw she was still worrying her hands. Something changed as soon as he got her into his truck after dinner. Did he push her too much with the kiss and the wandering hand?</p><p>“Carter. This is me. Something is not OK. Did I do something wrong tonight?” he asked quietly.</p><p>She looked at him and her face softened. Of course he didn’t do anything wrong. This was all her and her own thoughts. How does she tell him her fears? She wants him. Badly. But doesn’t want to ruin their evening.</p><p>“No. Of course not. You didn’t do anything wrong. Jack, this whole night has been amazing. I just wonder,” and she stopped to try to think of how to word this.</p><p>He waited for her. He knew she sometimes needed time to figure out how to say the things that are rolling around her incredible mind. He reached over to grab her left hand. He held her hand and caressed her with his thumb.</p><p>“Wonder what?” he asked so softly she almost didn’t hear him. When he uses his soft voice like that, it melts her core like butter. The man can reduce her to a puddle with a look and that tone in his voice.</p><p>She looked up at him and saw him looking out at the road in front of him. A few more turns and they’d be to his house. She supposed she could wait until they got inside his house. What were a few more moments of silence? </p><p>Did he think this whole relationship was based on sex? She knew he loved Hope. He loved her with all of his heart. But he’s always loved kids. He probably would have still wanted another child anyways. He was pulling down the lane to his driveway. He parked his truck and turned to her. He looked at her like he was waiting for her to answer.</p><p>“Um. I was wondering,” she paused again. He continued to look at her with his gentle eyes. She looked at him and just let it out.</p><p>“Do you think that what is between us is just based on sex?” she asked. </p><p>That caused him to smile at her. He reached over for her hand again and intertwined his fingers into hers. He lifted their hands together towards his lips. He kissed her hand and put it on the arm rest between them. He never let go.</p><p>“Sam,” he said softly. “Do you think I’d risk your career on something based only on sex? I could go to a bar and pick up someone, or pay for it if I needed it.” he asked her. “What is really going on inside that pretty head of yours?” he asked. </p><p>His reply shocked her a little. But, really, what did she expect him to say, that he’d be celebate without her? No, someone like him has needs and desires. He could go anywhere and get it. But he didn’t. He wanted her. She didn’t know what to say right now. At least not in the truck.</p><p>“Can we go inside to talk?” she asked. He smiled at her.</p><p>“Of course,” he said. He got out of the truck and went to her side and opened the door for her. He helped her out, and then walked with her to his door. </p><p>He wondered what in the world was going on. How could he have totally misread everything with her tonight? She had to know she means more to him than anything. What he felt for her was not based on sex. What had he done to make her think that?</p><p>He got them both inside and motioned for her to go left down into his living room.</p><p>“Would you like something to drink?” he asked.</p><p>“Coffee?” she said.</p><p>“You bet. Coming right up.”</p><p>He walked to the right into his kitchen. He took off his jacket and hung it over one of the chairs around his small kitchen table. Then he went to start the coffee. </p><p>She stood in his living room as he went to make coffee. She looked at the pictures and things around the room. She looked out into the dark backyard. She walked up to his mantle to look at his Air Force pictures and awards. He had done a lot with his career, both of his careers. One of the pictures inside of a shadow box was of him, Sara, and Charlie. </p><p>She wondered what he would have looked like grown up now. She figured he’d be a teenager by now, maybe graduating high school. He didn’t appear to have gotten his dad’s eyes. Sara was a dark blonde with blue toned eyes. Charlie’s eyes were more like Sara’s. Sam couldn’t help but notice how similar in looks she and Sara were. </p><p>He came back with coffee in both hands and joined her at his mantle. She smiled at him, noticing he removed his jacket. He really was incredibly handsome to her. She thanked him as she took a cup from him. She turned back to the picture she was looking at.</p><p>“He’d be in high school now. I miss him every day,” he said. She looked over at him and watched him look at the picture. She could see the pain in his eyes. She can’t imagine losing Hope. Now she had an idea of how he felt about losing his son.</p><p>“Jack,” she said, turning towards him. </p><p>He turned towards her and focused his eyes on her. He gave her a small smile, then took a sip of his coffee. </p><p>“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin our night.”</p><p>“You didn’t,” he said gently. “You’re here, and we’re talking. I’d say nothing ruined our night.”</p><p>She smiled at him and she felt a little better. He stepped closer to her. She could smell him. She knew his smell by heart now. Tonight he smelled like him, mixed in with the scent of the coffee.</p><p>“But you could tell me what’s really going on with you. I can tell something is bothering you,” he said.</p><p>He looked right at her, or really, more that he looked right into her. He knew her, and she knew that. She couldn’t really hide anything from him. She looked right back at him, and took a sip of her coffee before she spoke.</p><p>“I’m afraid,” she admitted. She took in a few breaths. </p><p>“I’m not afraid of losing you, or really thinking this,” and motioning a hand between them, “is based on the wrong things,” she paused and inhaled, then looked right back at him. </p><p>“I’m afraid of this actually working. I’m afraid I’m going screw it up, or hurt you, or not raise our daughter the way you’d like. I don’t know. It sounds so silly when I actually say it,” she said, then smiled as she put the coffee cup back to her lips.</p><p>He just smiled at her. </p><p>“And here I thought I did something wrong tonight,” he smiled at her, and took her empty hand in his. </p><p>“Sam, we’re both going to make mistakes. We’re both going to hurt each other,” he watched her eyebrow raise at that last part. Teal’c had taught her well.</p><p>He let out a small laugh. “Not on purpose. At least I hope we never hurt each other on purpose. We’re both going to make mistakes with Hope,” he walked closer to her and let go of her hand. He took her coffee cup from her, and put both cups on the mantle.</p><p>“But, as long as we do this as a team, we can be afraid together,” he said.</p><p>She looked at him inquisitively and held his gaze.</p><p>“What do you mean? You are afraid, too?” she asked.</p><p>“Of course, Sam. You are the best and most amazing person I know. You and Hope are my life,” he paused to let his words sink in. </p><p>“I want this, Sam. I want <i>you</i>, always. And I’d risk it all again to have you in my life,” he said, closing the final steps to her, and wrapping his arms around her. </p><p>She fell into his arms and he held her tight to her. He heard her whisper his name as she relaxed into his embrace. One of her hands moved its way up to behind his head. She rested her head into the space between his neck and shoulder, the collar of his shirt gently against her nose. She raked her fingers through the back of his head. </p><p>His hands were open-palmed her back, and he was lowering them down to her hips. He pulled her in tight to him and held her. One of his hands stayed on her lower back, the other hand caressed the nubs of her spine with his fingers, making their way up to the base of her skull. The massage he was giving her was lighting her up. Her nipples were getting hard from friction between their chests being pressed together. She arched into him, lifted her head a little into his neck, and brought her pelvis towards his.</p><p>She let out a loud exhale, and he felt her exhalation on his skin. He let out a sigh. She inhaled him. His smell permeated her down to her toes. She realized her lips were pointed towards his neck. She put her lips on his neck and drank him in as she did earlier that night. He tasted of sweat, and something she calls Jack.’ </p><p>His arms wrapped around her as he felt her tongue on his skin. He turned his chin from her to offer her more real estate along his throat. He pressed his pelvis into her to let her know what she was doing to him. His hands found the zipper to her dress. He slowly slid it down her back, exposing her skin to his touch. </p><p>He nudged her hands down from around him, and hooked his fingers into the material of the dress on her shoulders. He slipped the dress from her shoulders, and it feel like a black puddle at her feet. She kicked out of the dress and pushed it to the side. He looked down at her body.</p><p>“What the...” he hissed out slowly, a smile forming at the corners of his mouth. She was not wearing a bra, and was wearing black lace panties with a black lace garter belt.</p><p>“Well,” she said, snaking her hands up his chest, and gripping his tie, “if you don’t like it, I can always just go home,” she said, licking her lips.</p><p>“Oh, I like it. A lot. And you are not going anywhere tonight except my bed.”</p><p>He cupped both of her breasts in his hands. His thumbs rubbed her nipples until they were standing tall. She undid his tie, and dropped it on top of her dress. She put one arm under one of his to get access to be able to unbutton his shirt. He was not letting go of her breasts. Their arms were criss-crossed as he played with her, and she tried to get his shirt undone.</p><p>He leaned in to kiss her as she undid him. She got his dress shirt off of him, then ripped his undershirt off. She ran her fingers through his chest hair, grabbing and pulling on it as if she was trying to get under his skin. She couldn’t get close enough to him. She ran her hands behind his back, and put her mouth back on his skin. She licked and sucked at him, running her lips from one side of him to the other. Then she found his mouth.</p><p>She kissed him wildly at first. Then she caught his eye as she looked up as her mouth was on his. She held the back of his head and looked into his eyes. She was standing with her body pressed to his. She could feel his heat, and she could feel his chest hairs tickle her nipples. But it was his eyes that captured her right now. She looked at him, and with heavy breath, she realized then that she had no reason to be afraid of anything with him.</p><p>“I love you. I haven’t even told you that today,” she touched his lips with her finger. “I love you with all my heart,” and she kissed him so softly that he wouldn’t have known she was touching him if he were not awake.</p><p>She pressed her body into him, and held his head in her hands, as if he might break if she took her hands away. He was all that mattered to her. He let her kisses go on for a while, holding her in his hands and feeling her skin against him. </p><p>He dropped his mouth to her neck, and licked his way to her chest. He took one nipple into his mouth, and sucked the tip until it was hard. He flicked his tongue on the tip as his teeth held it up softly in his mouth. He grabbed the other one with his hand, and kneaded the nipple between his fingers. She was moaning in agreement to his touch and his mouth.</p><p>He let his hand move down her belly until he found her center. He stood back up and looked at her as he reached between her legs. He ran his fingers along her panties, and moved it over to give him access to her warmth. She exhaled deeply, and sank onto his fingers. She had to grab his shoulder to keep herself upright and balanced.</p><p>“Shit, Jack,” she whimpered. He dropped to his knees in front of her.</p><p>He pulled her panties down until they hit her stockings. </p><p>“Don’t move,” he said, and kissed her deeply and turned to go into the kitchen. </p><p>She heard him opening a drawer and closing it again. He came back into the room and dropped to the floor in front of her again. He was holding a pair of scissors. He ran the cold metal blade up her thigh, across her belly, then down the other thigh. He leaned in and ran his tongue up her center and found her bud. She shuddered and grabbed the top of his head.</p><p>He took the scissors to the inside of her leg. He slowly ran the blade up to her panties. He opened the blades against her skin, and slowly put one blade under the lace material. He licked her again as he closed the blades together and cut the lace on her left side. He repeated the move on her right side, and had her moaning his name. He slowly removed the lace from her body, and put his mouth right back on her.</p><p>She lifted a leg over his shoulder, which gave him a better angle to taste her. He dipped his tongue into her, and dragged the tongue to her clit. He grabbed her ass with his hands and felt her move forward towards him as her leg went further down his back. </p><p>She tasted amazing. He could stay between her legs all night long. But she wasn’t going to last long, and that was fine with him. He had all night to make her come over and over. With her leg over his shoulder, and his mouth on her, she came in his mouth. He heard and felt her come. He swore he heard an “Oh, fuck!” from her, but he was too busy holding her and making sure she rode this out. </p><p>Her left hand flew back to the mantle trying to get balance to stay upright. Her hand hit one of the coffee cups and sent it crashing to the floor. Neither one cared. Sam cried out his name, and rode out her waves with Jack’s mouth still attached to her.</p><p>His hands held her hips, and his tongue felt her come undone. Her leg bent back into his back in a very sexy, and passionate move. The only thing keeping her up was her holding on to the mantle. If he wasn’t already hard, he would have been now, seeing the sight before his eyes. </p><p>Looking up at her naked and writhing above him was something only his dreams ever imagined. Her back was arched, her left arm was hanging on to his mantle, her leg was over his back, and his mouth just made her come. He didn’t think anything was hotter than this.</p><p>When she was done with her orgasm, he kissed his way back up her body. She put her leg down and her hands were waiting for him as he stood. His mouth found hers again, and she kissed and licked herself off of his face. She reached down to start undoing his pants. She had issues with his belt, which got her a little laugh from him.</p><p>“Let me help you,” he said, and got his pants off. </p><p>He held his body on hers and she kissed him again. In a move he was not expecting, she pulled back, and pushed him in the direction of his couch.</p><p>“Sit,” she commanded. She still had the garter belt and heels on. He looked her up and down before moving to sit on his couch.</p><p>She stood in front of him. He grabbed his cock in his hand and stroked it a few times to help relieve some of the insane pressure she was giving him. She thought he looked amazing right now. His eyes were dark, and they were not moving away from her body. She moved in and straddled him.</p><p>His hands went to her hips and she leaned in and grabbed his face with her hands and kissed him again. She moved her hips closer to his abdomen, and slid her sex along his shaft. Slow, small movements in her hips let her cover him with her juices. He was grunting her name and when she shifted her body up, he put a nipple into his mouth. This made her moan and thrust her hips some more.</p><p>Then she slid her body down his, and knelt on the floor. She spread his legs open and put her body between his legs. She grabbed him gently in her hand and stroked him a few times before placing her mouth completely over him. He raised his hands up behind his head, and his eyes slammed shut.</p><p>He turned his eyes to her so he could watch. When he looked down, he saw she was already looking at him. Watching her between his legs, with him in her mouth, and her eyes looking at him, was the most erotic thing he had ever done with her so far. </p><p>His eyes were dark. She was stroking him as she blew him. Her fingers were digging into his sides. He saw her reach down with one hand and put it between her legs. She was wet and ready. He wasn’t going to last much longer like this.</p><p>“Close, I won’t last long,” he whispered. And with that, she lifted her head and stood up. She gently closed his legs with her hands. </p><p>She turned around to face the window. She backed up to the couch, and straddled him standing with her ass facing him. She reached behind her, and found him. She lowered herself onto him.</p><p>“Jesus Christ, Carter,” he said.  </p><p>She leaned forward a little bit and put her hands on his knees for support. She fully sheathed him, and rocked her hips back and forth with him as far into her as she could get. Then using her legs, she raised herself up, then back down. She did that a few times slowly, then started moving up and down much faster, hearing the noises of wet skin slapping against skin. </p><p>He looked down to where they were joined and watched him disappear inside of her over and over. He put his hands on her ass cheeks as she rode him. One hand started to move towards her pucker. She reached behind her and grabbed his wrist.</p><p>“No,” is all she said. </p><p>Then he remembered. He sat up and grabbed her from behind. He leaned into her ear and apologized. He held her.</p><p>“I’m sorry. I forgot. Are you OK?” he asked her. </p><p>“Yes, just….don’t forget again.”</p><p>His arms were wrapped around her and he loosened them to grab her breasts from behind. She began to rock her hips again with him inside of her. She raised up as much as she could, and dropped down on him a little harder.  </p><p>“Fuck, Jack, this feels so good,” she said softly. He placed kisses on the back of her neck. </p><p>She widened her legs, and moved to put her feet up on the couch. She was in a squat on him, and with some of her weight off of him, he had some room to move. He put his hands on the couch on either side of his body, and started to thrust up into her. His thrusts were fast, and oh so deep. </p><p>When she no longer could stay up above him, she sank back down onto him. He immediately grabbed her breasts from behind and pinched her nipples just hard enough to make her yell. She was grinding her into him. Keeping one hand kneading her nipple, he reached one hand down between her legs. He felt where he entered her. He loved feeling him inside of her.</p><p>He put a finger in her and pulled some of her fluids up to her nub. She moaned again, and leaned back against his chest. Her legs were open on either side of his legs. Her whole body was open to him. He could do whatever he wanted with her, and she would not object. Well, almost anything.</p><p>“I need to see you. I want to look in your eyes,” he said into the skin along her back.</p><p>She slowly sat up, and gave him a few more grinds before standing up and turning around to face him. She straddled him again, and lowered herself back on him, and this time, she rode him hard. She used his shoulders for leverage, and used her legs to lift her up and down on his shaft.<br/>
He looked into her eyes. She was looking back at him, face flushed with desire, and eyes only for him. He looked down to where they were joined again. He watched her lips take him inside of her warm body. She was beautiful in every way.</p><p>He put his thumb on her nub and began massaging her as she rode him. Her eyes flashed to his as he touched her. All the pleasure of the night coiled up inside of her. He could feel her grabbing on to him from the inside.</p><p>“Jesus, Jack, I’m going to….” and then her mouth opened, and a solitary noise came out of her and she released again.</p><p>She continued to ride him the best that she could. He grabbed her hips and moved her up and down on him. He held her up a little bit, and thrust up into her. His thrusts became shorter and erratic, until finally, he held her body down on top of him, and came inside of her. He sat up a little bit to give him a different angle and he rotated his hips between the couch and her as he let go of the last bits of his release. </p><p>He grabbed her back and pulled her into his chest. Her head rested near his on the back of the couch. She gently kissed his temple, then his forehead. She was sweaty against his chest. His hands caressed all of her back.</p><p>She pushed back from him, keeping her hands on the back of the couch. She looked down on him. She was shaking a little bit in her afterglow. She took one hand and wiped a drop of sweat from his forehead. </p><p>“I love you,” she whispered as she looked him in the eyes. </p><p>He smiled at her. He really loved this woman. There was nothing he wouldn’t do for her. He touched her face affectionately with one hand, then brought her in to kiss her.</p><p>“I love you back, Sam,” he said softly.</p><p>They sat there holding each other until Sam felt the messier part of sex starting to happen. She felt Jack get flaccid again, and it was time to clean up.</p><p>“I have to get up and wipe off,” she said softly.</p><p>“Just use my white undershirt. I can get a new one,” he said smiling up at her.</p><p>She got done and put her hand out for him to stand. She asked for him to join her in the shower. On their way back to his bathroom, she threw out his undershirt in the kitchen. After their shower, she put on one of his t-shirts. They laid down in bed and he snuggled her tight into his body. </p><p>“I had no idea you were such a little freak,” he said softly into her ear. She giggled. </p><p>“I like it when you giggle on me now,” he said smiling.</p><p>“You’re such a man. And for the record, I’ve never done a lot of that before. I guess I have an inspirational partner,” she said, pushing her ass into his hips.</p><p>“I sure won’t object to more of the same,” he said into her hair, and kissed her head.</p><p>“Then I bet you are glad you will have a lifetime of me trying new things out on you.”</p><p>“Is that like a marriage proposal?” he asked with a little laugh.</p><p>She turned around to face him. There was a little bit of moonlight coming through his glass door and she could see some of his face.</p><p>“I wouldn’t say no if I was asked,” she said looking at him as much as she could.</p><p>He smiled at her. He ran his hand through her hair and pushed it out of her face.</p><p>“Good to know,” he whispered. “I had a wonderful first date with you, Sam.”</p><p>“I had a wonderful first date with you, Jack,” she repeated, adding a huge smile when she said his name.</p><p>“I love you,” he said.</p><p>“And don’t ever forget that I love you,” she said.</p><p>They fell asleep facing each other. For the first time in a very long time, Sam did not have bad dreams.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This is it! Final Chapter. Enjoy.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next months went by in a blur. Sam and Hope had moved in with Jack. They sold Sam’s house, and used some of the money to build an addition on to Jack’s house to give them more guest space and a bigger kitchen. They extended the deck to wrap around the backside of the house all the way to the new guest rooms.</p><p>Hope had turned one year old. She was walking short distances now, and would get frustrated when she couldn’t take more than five steps before falling down. Her hair was growing out in long curls. Her hair was brown, like her father’s. But she still had her mother’s eyes. She was a beautiful little girl. Jack knew he’d be in trouble as she got older. </p><p>Sam had been promoted to Lt Colonel and was put back into Gate duty. She was still not on a permanent rotation. She went in after locations were secure to help with technology findings that couldn’t be taken through the Gate without being checked out first. She loved her job. She even got to go through with SG-1 from time to time. Which is where she was right now, and once again, Gate travel would change her life forever.</p><p>…</p><p>SG-1 had completed everything they needed to do on this mission. Sam had checked and double checked the rectangular pad that Daniel found in a room of an abandoned house. It had Goa’uld written on it. Sam could turn it on, but it really did seem to just be a storage device. Daniel read everything that displayed on it and translated all of it. </p><p>It read more like a log of the old operations that happened in this village. Inventories, mining records, and equipment requisitions were prevalent in this data. Sam found no odd energy readings. Daniel found no strange codes or anything that would trigger his mind to think this was clues to something else. </p><p>They all gathered around the fire with SG-7. Sam sat across from Jack after handing him a hot cup of coffee. They sat and talked with the teams for a while. Jack finished his coffee and put his cup down on the ground. He walked to Sam and sat down next to her and gave her a little shoulder bump.</p><p>“Hey. Would you like to go for a walk with me?” he asked.  </p><p>“Sure,” she said without hesitation.</p><p>They both got up and started to walk around the abandoned city. The stars were out tonight, and the second moon was just starting to be visible behind the first. The second moon was much further out in orbit from the primary moon. The colors they gave off were different. The closer moon was a reddish-purple color, the other moon was more yellow-blue. Jack noticed that Sam’s hair reflected the light in a way that looked like water passing over her head. She was beautiful.</p><p>They walked for about ten minutes before they were alone. He stopped them and turned to her.</p><p>“You are very beautiful, Sam,” he said, smiling a little at her. </p><p>She looked at him and raised an eyebrow to him. He seemed nervous. She could tell something was going on.</p><p>“OK, I’ll bite. What’s going on, Jack?” she said with her megawatt smile.</p><p>He looked at her with a sobered face. Her smile slowly left her face. They stared at each other for what felt like an hour, but was probably just a minute or two.</p><p>“Jack?” she asked again.</p><p>“Ya. Um. Hammond gave me this before we left,” he said. </p><p>He took a folded piece of paper out of his pocket. He handed it to her, and then stood motionless in front of her. She took the paper and slowly unfolded it. She knew what type of paper it was by the format of it. She just didn’t know what the contents were without reading it. She looked up to his eyes before she began reading it. He remained still and he didn't take his eyes off of her.</p><p>Sam started to read the paper. Her mood waned, and her smile disappeared from her face. She took the paper and folded it back up and handed it back to Jack. Her stomach lurched, and it felt like her heart fell out. After all this time she thought they’d be OK. </p><p>“Congratulations, sir,” she said rigidly, back to her military persona. She stood almost at parade rest in front of him.</p><p>“Sam,” he said, reaching out for her arm.</p><p>“No, it’s fine, really. You deserve it, sir. Should have been done a long time ago,” and she choked on her last sentence as she tried to fight back her tears.  </p><p>“Sam. I haven’t said yes. I need to talk to you about this. I can retire, you know,” he told her, still trying to reach for her arm, or her hand, or anything that would ground him to her.</p><p>“I honestly don’t know anyone who would turn down General. You’ve worked hard. I’d never ask you to pick me over your career. We’ll be fine,” she said, avoiding his eyes now.</p><p>“Sam, I am not picking my career over you. C’mere,” he said, and motioned her into his arms. She stood still and did not move. </p><p>“Oy. Sam, listen to me, please,” he walked to her and touched her chin. He raised her head gently to look into his eyes.</p><p>“I am not giving you up. That’s not going to happen. OK?” he asked. He dipped his head down to gently kiss her.</p><p>“The way I see it, we have options. I can retire. I’d give it all up for you. I should have retired, <i>again</i>, years ago,” he said, still holding her head in his hand. He could see her holding back her emotions.</p><p>“I should have just married you when I had the chance,” she whispered, looking up at him.</p><p>He smiled at her when he heard her say that.</p><p>“You still can, you know,” he said.</p><p>“You know it doesn’t work that way, sir. I can’t be your direct report anymore if you take that job,” she said, using his honorific, which was starting to drive him nuts.</p><p>“Please stop with the ‘sir’”, he said softly. “We are way past that. I have an alternative, which if you agree to, will allow us to stay a family. Here,” handing her another folded piece of paper.</p><p>She opened the second paper and it was another reassignment form. This time it was for her. He was having her reassigned to Area 51. She didn’t ask for this. He could see her wheels spinning, and she was starting to get upset.</p><p>“Sam. Keep reading. You aren’t leaving Colorado. You will be a direct report under General Landry up at Area 51, but you will be physically located in The Springs. With me and Hope. You will be in charge of R &amp; D for the Stargate Program. You keep your lab. You keep your doohickeys. You decide what goes from here into storage over there.”</p><p>She looked from the paper to him, then back to the paper one last time. She folded it up and handed it back to him. </p><p>“Really? You did this for me?” she asked quietly. </p><p>“I did,” he said, and this time she let him wrap his arms around her. “I did it for us. All three of us,” he said, and leaned in to kiss her.</p><p>“You will have to go over there from time to time. But not permanently. When you come home after work, you come home to me and Hope,” he said.</p><p>“Thank you,” then she hugged him tight.</p><p>“There is just one other small thing,” he said.</p><p>“What?” she asked, and leaned back so she could see him.</p><p>“Marry me,” he said, taking her hands in his.</p><p>“Marry you?” she said playfully, “I don’t know. Am I cut out to be a General’s wife?” she said sarcastically. She ran her hands up his tac vest and grabbed on to two of the front pockets.</p><p>“I think you kind of already am. Just got some legal paperwork to do, that’s all,” he said with a smile. </p><p>She looked at him with a playful smile. She’d wanted this for a few months now, probably even longer. She was just afraid to bring it up after the last time the subject was mentioned.</p><p>“Yes. I will marry you,” she said, then pulled him in for a kiss. </p><p>“Good. I got you a little something,” he said, and reached into his pocket.</p><p>He pulled out a small blue box. Sam knew what it was.</p><p>“Jack, you didn’t have to,” she said.</p><p>“Oh but I did,” he said, and got down on one knee. </p><p>He opened the box and held it up to her. It was a tanzanite center stone, set in platinum. </p><p>“Oh, Jack, it’s beautiful.” She stared at it a little longer. “Jack, you gave me the Stargate,” she said, smiling at him. </p><p>Just then, Daniel and Teal’c came into the clearing where they were. Daniel started speaking before they saw Jack down on one knee in front of Sam.</p><p>“Hey, there you guys….oh, hey. Sorry.”</p><p>Jack looked up to Sam, and she helped him stand back up.</p><p>“It’s OK, Daniel. Is everything OK?” Jack asked. Sam was holding the ring box in her hand and staring at it.</p><p>“Oh, ya, it’s all fine, just got the OK to go home. So I take it that congratulations are in order?” Daniel asked.</p><p>“Thank you, Daniel. Yes, indeed they are in order,” Jack said rather proudly, and put his arm around Sam.</p><p>Sam and Jack both were smiling. Teal’c bowed his head to them both. Daniel was all smiles. Jack turned to Sam and she was still holding the box in her hand.</p><p>“You know, most people wear those,” he said with a smirk on his face. She rolled her eyes at him and handed him the box.</p><p>“Then do me the honor, <i>sir</i>,” she said playfully, and held her hand out. </p><p>She heard Daniel laugh, and saw Teal’c turn his head to look at Daniel. Even Teal’c seemed to have a smile on his face. Jack took the ring out of the box and took Sam’s hand in his. He looked her in the eye, then put the ring on her finger. She had the biggest smile on her face, then Jack grabbed her up in his arms and lifted her up off the ground and spun her around one time before putting her feet back on the ground.</p><p>“I love you,” she said quietly. Jack kissed her deeply in front of their friends.</p><p>“Back at ya, Mrs. O’Neill,” he said. She looked at Jack with a puzzled look on her face as she held his biceps in her hands.</p><p>“I’ll have to think that one through, you know,” she said.</p><p>“Colonel Carter,” Teal’c said.</p><p>“Yes?” Jack said with a laugh. All four of them laughed.</p><p>“First my sincere congratulations to you both. It is about time. Your father contacted the SGC. He has a break and wanted to see Hope. He will be waiting for you when you get there,” Teal’c said.</p><p>Sam looked to Jack, then Daniel. She smiled at them all.</p><p>“Thanks, Teal’c. I guess this is perfect timing,” she said to Jack. “You ready to tell dad?” she asked. Jack laughed and took her hand.</p><p>“I’ve been waiting a long time to tell your dad this,” Jack said.</p><p>“Why, Jack, you old romantic, you. Well, then. Shall we?” she asked all of them.</p><p>The four founding members of SG-1 walked back to the Stargate together. The finality of this mission didn’t hit any of them until the Gate was being dialed. Sam watched Daniel dial up the Gate.</p><p>“This is our last real mission together,” Sam said to her friends.</p><p>“What do you mean?” Daniel asked. </p><p>Sam looked to Jack. Then they both looked at Daniel.</p><p>“We have a lot to talk about when we get home,” Jack said to Daniel.</p><p>They heard the Gate engage. SG-1 let the other SG teams go through first. Then the four of them climbed the stairs to their waiting wormhole. They all looked around to each other and smiled. Then Teal’c went through first, then Daniel. Sam and Jack walked through the Stargate side by side.</p><p>…</p><p>They all got back to the SGC and went for their medical check out. While Sam was in the infirmary, her dad came in to see her.</p><p>“Dad! Hi,” Sam said. Jacob went over to hug her.</p><p>“Good to see you, Sammie. How’s my granddaughter doing?”</p><p>“She is huge. She is starting to walk. She’s gaining weight and should catch up to where she should be by the time she is two. We can’t wait to get home to see her,” Sam said.</p><p>“How is Jack?” Jacob asked.</p><p>“I’m over here, dad,” Jack said behind a curtain. </p><p>Sam laughed. Then she lifted up her left hand and showed her dad. Jacob got a knowing grin across his face.</p><p>Janet came running into Sam and grabbed her hand. She bumped into Jacob by accident. </p><p>“Sorry, Jacob, I just got excited when I heard. Oh, Sam, it’s beautiful. Congratulations!” and Janet hugged Sam.</p><p>“We have more news, but let’s wait until you clear us all and go to the conference room,” Sam said.  Janet looked at Sam with large eyes.</p><p>“No, Janet, I’m not pregnant again,” Sam laughed and looked at her dad. </p><p>“God I hope not,” Jack joked from behind his curtain. Everyone within earshot laughed. </p><p>“I’ll be up soon, dad,” she said.</p><p>…</p><p>The conference room was being used, so they all met in Daniel’s lab. Jack broke the news to everyone about his promotion. They discussed Sam’s transfer, and possible wedding days. Most of the conversation was Jack trying to figure out if he wanted the job in the first place. </p><p>“I've spent my whole life sticking it to the man. If I do this, I'll be the man. I don't think I can be the man,’ Jack said.</p><p>They talked a few rounds about Jack being the man and how he’d probably do a great job.</p><p>“If you don't take the job, we could end up with someone much worse,” Sam said. Jack just stared at her, everyone else smirked at how she said that.</p><p>“OK, that didn’t come out right,” she followed up, and then smiled at her fiance.</p><p>The finished commiserating with one another, then decided to go back to Sam and Jack’s for some dinner. It was just after 6 PM by the time they got to the house. Jacob would, of course, stay with them. This is the first time he’d get to see the new additions to the house. He missed Hope’s first birthday. He wouldn’t miss his daughter’s wedding.</p><p>Sam and Jack got home first. Jack went straight to find Cindy and Hope in the living room. Hope was awake and Jack bent down to swoop her up into his arms. He missed his little girl very much. Jacob watched Jack’s every move with Hope. After a few minutes, Jacob asked if he could hold his granddaughter. Jack smiled and handed her over.</p><p>“Thank you again for everything, Cindy. You are a lifesaver!” Jack said.</p><p>“Oh anytime, Jack. She’s a wonderful child.” Cindy left, and Daniel ordered Thai food for them all. </p><p>“You’re very good with her, Jack,” Jacob said, praising Jack’s parenting skills. </p><p>“Thank you,” Jack said softly. “I had a son before. A while ago.”</p><p>“I know. Sam told me. I am sorry.”</p><p>“I feel like I am getting a second chance. At a lot of things,” he said, making an effort to look directly at Jacob. Jacob handed Hope back to Jack.</p><p>“Jack, I haven’t had a chance to really talk to you since, well, everything. I’ve always liked you. This hasn’t been easy for me, knowing and seeing what he did to my daughter. And I can’t imagine what this has been like for you. But you both seem to have worked it out. You are wonderful with Hope. I know my daughter can be a bit headstrong and stubborn,” Jacob said.</p><p>“A bit?” Jack joked, and turned Hope around on his lap so she could see Jacob.</p><p>Sam started to walk down the hall to the living room when she heard her dad and Jack talking. She stopped short so they could finish. </p><p>“Yes, a bit,” Jacob laughed. “Anyways, Jack, for whatever reason, she still chose you. I’m counting on you to take care of my girls.”</p><p>“Jacob, I love Sam. I have for a very long time. We both have for a very long time. Then I was broken for a long time. When I found out she was pregnant, I never thought she’d let me anywhere near her, let alone the baby. When she let me back into her life, I felt whole again, like I got a second chance. Then when we found out Hope was my baby, not his, that was it. I knew then that we had to make this work. I will never hurt them, Jacob.” </p><p>Sam heard the exchange. She inched her way closer to the first stair that led into the living room. Their words meant everything to her. That the two men in her life that meant the most to her were talking about this meant the world and more to her. </p><p>Jacob and Jack stared at each other for a while. Jacob looked at Hope sitting on Jack’s lap. Jacob could see that Jack was a very good father. He knew Jack loved Sam. He’d just never gotten a chance to talk to Jack. </p><p>“You can come in now, Sammie,” Jacob said, looking at Jack. “Selmak knows you are standing there.”</p><p>Sam smiled, then walked over to her dad and leaned down and hugged him.</p><p>“Thank you,” she said. She went to sit next to Jack and Hope.</p><p>“I guess we’re family now,” Jacob said. “Or maybe we have been this whole time. I just want you to be happy. Both of you.”</p><p>“I am dad, really,” Sam said.</p><p>“That goes double for me,” Jack said, kissing the top of Hope’s head.</p><p>“Alright. Good. So, when is this wedding?” Jacob asked.</p><p>“How long can you stay?” Sam asked.</p><p>“Probably a week. I’ll try to come back if you can give me a date,” Jacob said.</p><p>Sam turned her head to Jack.</p><p>“Jacob, we’d like to do it this week with you here. I think we’ve waited long enough,” Jack said, leaning over to kiss Sam’s head.</p><p>Jacob raised his eyebrows and inhaled. </p><p>“I guess with the promotion and job changes, this seals the deal no matter what. OK. Let’s do it this week. Now, please give me my granddaughter back before I go crazy. Selmak is bugging me to see her again.”</p><p>…</p><p>The following Thursday Sam and Jack got married. Daniel officiated the wedding out back at Jack’s house. Sam and Hope wore matching dark blue sun dresses. Jack wore a dark blue, button-down linen shirt with khaki pants. When the time came, Jack took Sam’s face gently in his hands, and dipped her down to kiss her. He told her that he'd wanted to do that to her since the time loop so she’d remember it this time.</p><p>Sam looked around at everyone that evening. She made a point to try to walk around to say hi and thank every single person who showed up. Brenda and June came. They looked stunning together. Hammond, Siler, Harriman, and even the now-First Lieutenant Jennifer Hailey showed up.</p><p>Jack was proudly walking around holding his daughter in his arms and introducing her to everyone he could. She thought he looked incredibly handsome today, especially holding their daughter. He really did make Sam happy. He was an incredible father to Hope. He was just an all-around good man. </p><p>Jack watched Sam going around to talk to the people who showed up. He thought she was beautiful. He didn’t deserve her, he knew that. She was far too good for him, and yet, now she was his wife. He smiled at her as he held their daughter. She smiled back at him. He didn’t know what he did to deserve Sam or Hope. But they completed his life in a way he didn’t think would, or could, ever happen.</p><p>That night Jacob took Hope to spend the night with him at the SGC to give Sam and Jack some privacy on their wedding night. Late that night, Sam wrapped her legs and arms around Jack’s naked body. Sated for the moment, she ran her fingers through his chest hair, and dropped kissed along the side of his neck. He had his arm around her shoulder, and was caressing her forearm with his other hand.</p><p>“Thank you,” she said quietly.</p><p>“For what?” he asked.</p><p>“For being there for me, for being patient with me, for forgiving me,” she said, pushing herself closer to him. </p><p>“Forgiving you? I think I need to be thanking you for forgiving me,” he said softly as he kissed the top of her head.</p><p>“I didn’t think we’d ever get here. Especially not after we were taken a few years ago. After they brought me back, I felt shattered. I felt like pieces of me were lost all over the place, and I didn’t know how to pick them up,” she paused and kissed him. She started again almost whispering.</p><p>“And now look where we are. You helped me put my pieces back together, Jack. Some of them may be hanging on with tape right now. But others are cemented in and unmoving again. The rest we’ll see what happens as time goes on,” she said, hugging him tight to her.</p><p>“I knew almost from the moment I met you that I wanted you in my life.”</p><p>“Really?” she asked seductively, and brought her leg further up his thigh and pressed her center into his hip. He grabbed her thigh and pulled her knee up closer to his cock. He looked deeply into her eyes.</p><p>“I will always be here to help you pick up your shattered pieces,” he whispered, rolling to face her. </p><p>He touched her face gently with his hand. He kissed her softly. She responded in need and rolled herself onto her back.  She motioned with her hands and arms to have him roll on top of her. She liked his weight on her. She felt protected, yet powerful.</p><p>He settled in between her legs, and poured his heart into the kiss. Jack slowly made love to his wife. When they were done, they wrapped up into each other’s bodies as they slept.  </p><p>In the morning they both were missing Hope. It was very strange to not have her in the house. They quickly showered and got dressed and left to go to the SGC to see Jacob and Hope. They took them out to breakfast and went back to Sam and Jack’s. They were officially a family. Mom, dad, baby, and grandpa. </p><p>Sam watched her family in the living room of their home. Sam knew then that no matter where their jobs took them, they would be OK. She appreciated the visits from her dad more now than ever. Hope gave her hope when she didn’t think she’d get through the day. Now she looked forward to each day. </p><p>Sam looked at Jack and Jacob and smiled. Jacob was holding Hope trying to teach her Goa’uld words. It made them all laugh. Sam went to sit on Jack’s lap and wrapped her arm around his shoulder as they watched Jacob with Hope. Wherever their jobs took them, wherever the galaxies had them travel to, they would always have each other. This was her family.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So this has been quite the journey for me. Thank you all for reading along. It's not been an easy one to write, but I'm so glad this turned around how it did. I'm happy with it. Now, back to my Ba'al saga!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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